Long post
I’m a nurse working ER. I’m also introverted and like keeping to myself. I also may be on the spectrum (haven’t been diagnosed, but I find social cues and when people are being sincere, joking or lying very difficult to understand. I understand what people say literally. Why would they otherwise speak?)
I also separate my job from my personal life, as my job is not my identity. I don’t care about my coworkers’ life but ask the ones who know more than me about anything job related, to learn, to be a better nurse, to have more opportunities.
Today I had a conversation with 2 managers where I was fired. Not from the hospital due to my union but from the ER. In a nutshell, as they put it: they (whoever they might be) see that I’m motivated and want to learn but they find my way of speaking demanding.
I have absolutely no idea what they mean. They didn’t provide any example. They however provided an example where somebody claims I told a student to put a line. I never did such a thing, but I have the feeling they don’t believe me. The never put anything on writing, or gave me anything to sign. I won’t be signing anything from them.
Then one of the managers started a monologue about he’s been working 30 years there, that communication is important. True, communication here is extremely relevant, but about procedures, patients and who does what, not about why Americans are idiots or how many children you have, not to the point of ignoring alarms, not to the point where I am the only one entering patient’s data in the computer while my coworkers speak about what to cook for dinner. Oftentimes I was the only one noticing how we’re under supplied or that some ECG cables don’t work while the chatty ones did they thing and ignored I was working while they lazy around.
I didn’t get to say all of this because they interrupted. It’s like they believe the talkative ones over me. Why would I want to work for people like that?
After this both sides talked but didn’t listen to what the other side had to say. I felt they weren’t listening to me. Why should I listen to them?
Before I left I told them I’m looking for a unit where I can learn. That’s ALL I need from the workplace to be better. To them this is not good enough.
To me it looks like this: you don’t mingle with us (us being coworkers and management), therefore you are worse than us and deserve to be ignored, but I’m not at a workplace to socialize, but to learn and to earn money. Am I the only person on earth to think like this? Why can’t people keep their opinions to themselves? I leave them alone and only talk about work. If I have nothing to say, I say nothing and learn. I don’t understand why people are so needy for conversation and thin skinned. I didn’t say this out loud because in my past people have bullied me for being me.
I was also accused of not being polite.
I’ll miss working that ER because in the 8 weeks I was there I learned stuff you don’t learn on other units. To me this unit was a good one because I learned new things and people left me alone during downtime to figure out how procedures and machines work, people didn’t complain when I looked the internet for instruction manuals or asked coworkers if we give sodium bicarbonate by metabolic acidosis or alkalosis. I was an motivated coworker, even when people who were supposed to train me sat and did nothing while I was taking samples. I always asked what I didn’t know.
I’ll also miss working with most doctors, because they were always ready to teach me stuff, so I really don’t understand why managers say my way of speaking is demanding.
My managers don’t see or don’t want to see that people treat you better and forgive your mistakes if you give them attention, if you’re likable. I’m not likable. They also don’t see that they say a lot of stupid crap if a coworker prefers to keep to himself. I also find this sad. I feel they think I’m doing this on purpose.
If you’re an extrovert and have read so far: I don’t think you understand how taxing is to care about things that are simply, irrelevant. It’s like my managers expect me to make theatrics and give attention to everyone I work with. I already did this on a previous job and it was ridiculous: fake smiling to a secretary and asking her stupid stuff for 5 minutes straight, smiling like a clown because otherwise she would feel offended. Why is that my job? Sometimes I work with 8 coworkers. Am I supposed to be a sucker with all of them? I find that childish.
I feel they presented an ultimatum: either give us and coworkers attention or be fired. I didn’t bulge because they didn’t listen.
And I still don’t know if this is a good outcome, because I’m not going to change what I am to conform to some extroverted standards of what a good coworkers is supposed to be, because I can’t and I don’t understand them (extroverts).
I don’t know if this puts me on the spectrum and I find it unfair being treated so differently because I like to keep to myself and learn during downtime.
I’ve always have such issues working for other employers. It’s clear this is who I am and trying to change me it’s like expecting a gay to like women.
But if this means I’m alone in the universe, that I’m always the loner people always talk shit about and marginalize, how am I supposed to live my life and work life then?
ETA: I inquired the union about protections for people on the spectrum and I’m waiting for an answer but even if I get a diagnosis I don’t want to expose myself to more bullying by disclosing it to my employer: the hospital I work at is full of gossips.
So what do I do?
tokeholdlaunch@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
Bro. The people in this thread are being way too nice about this. I know several autistic people who do not have these problems because they understand that they live in a world where it is expected that you are able to speak politely and professionally with other people.
I’m genuinely shocked that you made it through nursing school with this attitude. This isn’t introversion, you are choosing to be rude to your coworkers, and you have experienced consequences for those actions. You said somewhere that talking to the receptionist for 5 minutes was an unbearable chore. It’s like you failed to understand the most basic social graces of any type of work (be nice to the front desk lady). You also said you’ve had these same problems at other jobs, and when other commenters have suggested that you try to improve your social skills, you write them off and say something to the effect of, “that’s not my job. I’m not a manager.” It is absolutely part your job to be an asset to the team, and being a dick is almost worse than being incompetent.
It sounds like your coworkers tried to include you in their conversation, and you just stared at them for a few seconds and looked away without saying anything. That is the height of rudeness. It’s dismissive, it says “you don’t matter to me”. It says “you are beneath me”. Your characterization of workplace conversation as “theatrics” is very telling. When Suzy from down the hall tries to show you a picture of her dog or tell you about her kids, that is her trying to relate to you and include you in the workplace dynamic. You don’t have to be interested. You just have to be nice about it and say “aww how cute”. It’s literally so simple, and your insistence that it is even possible to find a work situation where you wouldn’t need to engage in this kind of talk is borderline delusional.
You should try to get some therapy and maybe read some self help books about how to connect with other people. You made multiple carerr-limiting statements in your OP and subsequent comments, and this is your side of the story that you are able to tell however you want. You chose to present yourself this way in a Lemmy post, so it’s not hard to assume that you’re like this in real life.
dennis5wheel@programming.dev 11 hours ago
it is when you simply can say hi and move on. Do you engage in useless conversations for 5 minutes when every coworker you find till yo go to your desk? I find it surprising you haven’t been fired yet.
tokeholdlaunch@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
I would be willing to bet money that you mouthed off to a physician or a senior nurse like that, and that’s what actually got you fired. You are so incredibly lucky to have a union that was willing to stand up for you the way they did.
Seeing opportunities to learn about other people and foster relationships as useless is just dickish. It’s not cool, it’s not cute, and no one likes that kind of behavior. I’m very heavily introverted, have social anxiety, depression, and ADHD; and it takes me a long time to warm up to other people. I have never once been fired or even reprimanded for anything at work, much less the way I speak to people, because I approach conversations with a warm tone and a willingness to engage with and learn about the other person. You need some help man. Please take this opportunity to engage in some self-improvement because you are setting yourself up to be miserable for the rest of your life.