This is my daughter’s idea - blind date set up by her. I’ve been single since my divorce 2 years ago.
i’m not ageist as long as everyone is an adult
51-year-old man here; would I be a creep if I went out on a date with a 30-year-old woman?
Submitted 3 days ago by fabulous@feddit.uk to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Comments
umbrella@lemmy.ml 2 days ago
neukenindekeuken@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Nope. Even at 30 though, there will be a generational gap between the two of you. That’s a 21 year gap, and a full adult lifetime of experience between the two of you.
With that said, some women are extremely mature and if your daughter thinks it’s a good idea, there’s probably no harm in trying it out. She’s probably worried about you and wants to see you happy, and this is her way of solving that problem.
Take her up on her offer and have a good time on your date. Spend some time getting to know her like you would anyone on a date. Again, understand that even though you’re both fully grown adults, there’s going to still be a lot that you’re not going to connect with each other on.
For example, Pokemon. You’re not going to give a shit about Pokemon, but she grew up in the hayday of it and Harry Potter and a lot of other generational things that you’re either going to need to get on board with so you can have a connection with her or it will create a rift between you eventually.
BCsven@lemmy.ca 2 days ago
Hey, why are you hating on us old guys, I enjoyed Pokemon…and its precursor Ingress.
Its more about each human is unique.
Our neighbour sometimes hangs out with us, we are mid 50, they are 30. We are younger minded and they are older than their age, like they go home and knit etc.
Gigdragon@lemmy.world 2 days ago
There is the concept of a rolling age gap. As perspective partners get older, the age gap grows.
Example. A 16 and 17 year old? Nobody blinks. 16 and 18? You have eyes in yah. 16 to 19, likely to get icked. 17 to 19? You have eyes in your. 18 to 20? Nobody cares. 18 to 21?
Like a 25yr old and a 30 yr old? See what I mean? The further you get from 18, the wider the acceptable gap of ages is.
MutilationWave@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
Age divided by two plus seven scales well.
mjhelto@lemm.ee 2 days ago
The old adage I learned is half your age + 7.
DontRedditMyLemmy@lemmy.world 2 days ago
But 30?
mjhelto@lemm.ee 2 days ago
Nah you’re right. 30 might be too young!
LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 2 days ago
That’s more of a guideline tho, like the pirate code.
Bigfishbest@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Half your age +7 is the formula. Anything within that is fine. Of course, that’s a guideline, not a law. Or let me put it like this, do you believe a woman of 30 to be capable of making her own choices? If so, go on the date and see if there’s anything there. If not, slap yourself and rethink your answer.
JPSound@lemmy.world 2 days ago
You’d have to be a fool to not atleast give it a try. Besides, it’s “uh” date. You’re not committing to anything beyond a cup of coffee and a graceful retreat at worst, to at best, a fun night running around town with a new younger friend with whom you get along. Get in there, homie!
ikidd@lemmy.world 2 days ago
If it gets serious, make sure she knows you’ll be dying probably 30 years ahead of her.
Stabbitha@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Friend of mine was in a similar situation. One day she said something to him that made him realize he was literally the only person who cared about the age difference.
SayJess@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 days ago
It’s not creepy. But I could not imagine dating someone who is close in age to my adult children. It’s weird.
Talonflame@lemmy.cafe 2 days ago
No, you do you
southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 3 days ago
Nah. Age gaps only matter when one party is not yet an adult and free to make their own choices.
A 30 year old? If they’re not capable of deciding who to date on their own, then their conservator should say no before someone tries to set them up on a blind date.
Just make sure this lady knows there’s an age gap so she can make an informed decision. And be aware that while age gaps don’t matter in terms of who can and should date whom, doesn’t mean there aren’t extra issues that might result in incompatibilities. Those incompatibilities aren’t a sure thing either, though.
Melvin_Ferd@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Fucking legend
flightyhobler@lemmy.world 2 days ago
You’re good. Just make sure you stock up on Viagra if things go well. You should get in shape fairly quick, too.
BCsven@lemmy.ca 2 days ago
Viagra at 51? No.
flightyhobler@lemmy.world 2 days ago
That will depend mostly on her, not him.
Ledericas@lemm.ee 2 days ago
I had a friend that was dating someone 17years her senior, the mom was not happy , was quite upset about it. She said he’s almost as old as she is. Most people will do 5 years at the most
whoisearth@lemmy.ca 3 days ago
Not a problem but highly unlikely it will last. You’re both at completely different points in your lives.
I say if you’re going into the date with a level head you’re good.
leraje@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 days ago
I’m around your age and whilst I have friends who are around your blind dates age, I would never consider a romantic relationship with someone that age. Its not the number of years so much as the generational thing. I have kids older than that and that’s where it goes into weird territory.
Everyone’s different and you do you etc but I’d ask your daughter at the very least to inform the other half of this date how old her date is going to be.
fabulous@feddit.uk 3 days ago
The woman knows how old I am. She’s one of my daughter’s (27) friends.
cabbage@piefed.social 3 days ago
A rule of thumb for weirdness in age difference is age/2+7, leaving you at 51/2+7=32,5. So going by that, 30 is a bit on the young side, which is obvious also from the fact that you felt the need to create this thread.
If one person would be in a position to judge you for it (or rightfully feel weird about it) it's your daughter. It's safe to say she seems cool with it, so whatever.
StarlightDust@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 days ago
I think that is where it feels iffy to me, personally. Also, like, since you are asking this, there is a feeling of there being a power imbalance from you already so I would avoid it.
Don’t go off what people say on here. Men on here are particularly weird and misogynistic - and I say this living somewhere where I frequently get catcalled within 30 secs of stepping through the door.
WelcomeBear@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Oh man, up until this comment, I followed along the whole time like “nope, nothing weird here at all.” You’re both adults and get lonely or bored from time to time. Hang out and see if maybe each other’s company helps with that. Not creepy at all.
But the thought of your daughter hanging out with her friend and all of a sudden saying “hey, you know what? You should date my dad! I’ll set you guys up”
…it’s just wildly unexpected for some reason 😂
Like, I don’t care who my mom dates but I am NOT gonna try and hook her up with one of my friends
edgemaster72@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Nope
HakunaHafada@lemm.ee 2 days ago
Nah. Live your life to the fullest.
GhostTheToast@lemmy.world 2 days ago
The rule I always heard was older_age/2+7. In this case, 51 would give you a rough range of 32-88.
30 might be a little weird, but just depends how you guys gel
BlackAura@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Friend recently asked me something similar as he’s finalizing a divorce and has started dating again, though he’s a bit younger than you (and the girl is a bit younger than your example).
I forget exact ages but the half your age plus 7 rule was met. Say 42 and 29?
She worked in our industry and specifically the same role he did, but at a more junior level I have to assume.
Distilled down a but I essentially said if they like each other and they are together because of that, then it’s fine. They are both adults and can have fun together as much as they want. They need to keep that balance though. If it becomes a mentorship kind of situation then they probably both need to take a step back and reflect on what that means.
OsrsNeedsF2P@lemmy.ml 3 days ago
Half your age plus 7
Yea kinda creepy tbh but if you’re an honestly decent person I’d let it slide
match@pawb.social 3 days ago
By half-plus-7, this relationship will be noncreepy in 3 years - i imagine that to a 51-year-old that is not a long time
FooBarrington@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Though it’s fairly close at least
Twinklebreeze@lemmy.world 2 days ago
No , but if you think about too hard you’ll be a creep. /s
systemglitch@lemmy.world 2 days ago
No. Enjoy.
3dmvr@lemm.ee 1 day ago
Itd only be an issue if your daughter cared, past 25 I don’t see why ppl think it’s grooming, most ppls personalities are done baking at 18, sure some ppl grow and mature after that but how many really change at the same rate they do while going to college, some ppl at 30 are way more mature than others, just depends on life experiences, I’ve been thinking about this because I feel like ive stagnated, was growing every year and now its just been 3 years of the same, while ik some ppl that still travel alot, do something new every week and they’re definitely different ppl, have just grown to another point in life.
3dmvr@lemm.ee 1 day ago
for context im 25 and moved back home post college, its pretty much hyperspeed to the grave
destructdisc@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Yes. Don’t do that. Go for someone in their mid to late 30s
ghen@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Half plus 7 rule
51/2+7=32.5
Op is only slightly creepy
viking@infosec.pub 1 day ago
They are adults, let them figure it our for themselves.
peaceful_world_view@lemmy.world 2 days ago
No
Quicky@lemmy.world 3 days ago
Not creepy. The only issue might be a clash of what you want, if it became a serious relationship, ie she may want to marry if she hasn’t before, and you may be averse to it having been divorced. Or she may want children, which you may not if you’ve already got adult kids etc.
Zwuzelmaus@feddit.org 3 days ago
What was her judgement to this question?
fluffykittycat@slrpnk.net 3 days ago
Anyone who cares isn’t worth your time
VitoRobles@lemmy.today 2 days ago
30yo kind of have their lives together.
Have a coffee. Just chat like people. Expand your network. The worse that can happen is you shut it down.
From my own perspective, there will be a generational gap. I’m 40, and I can connect with someone around that age. But lower than 30 or older than 45, the connection is platonic.