I think retiring to the countryside is a bad idea. Am I wrong?

Submitted ⁨⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨annodomini@lemmy.zip⁩ to ⁨nostupidquestions@lemmy.world⁩

My husband (67) officially retired last year, and we currently live in a town about 15 miles outside of Boston. It’s a great spot - close enough to the city for all the conveniences, but still with some space and nature around us. Since retiring, he’s gotten really into the idea of moving to the countryside permanently. He’s been browsing properties in the middle of nowhere in Wyoming and is basically dreaming of a rancher lifestyle. And don’t get me wrong - I have nothing against rural living. I actually like it. But he’s not exactly young anymore.

Right now, he’s in great shape - active, healthy, sharp. But things can change fast, and that’s what worries me. Out here near Boston, we’ve got excellent medical care just a short drive away. That’s not the case in rural Wyoming. If something were to happen, help might be hours away. I’m not especially concerned for myself - I’m younger and fine with adapting. But for him, I can’t help thinking this could be risky. So yeah, that’s why I’m not on board with the whole move-to-the-middle-of-nowhere plan. Does that make me unreasonable?

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GreenKnight23@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago
at 67 you should be concerned with medical intervention and facilities nearby.

travel to see the countryside, stay as long as you like. keep your home base where it’s at. Boston is one of the best places for medical care in the US.

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0x01@lemmy.ml ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I wouldn’t move to wyoming of all places, for sure, that place is hell on earth. The boston metro area is great for aging, especially as you get well into your 80s and your ability to drive flags. The lack of community infrastructure in wyoming will mean you’ll either die or have to go into a home as you age because how will you get groceries? At least in the boston area you have ready access to taxis and ubers and public transit everywhere.

Don’t forget that the politics of wyoming are vastly vastly different than the boston area, you’re going from one of the most progressive areas in the US to one of the most conservative states.

Living a rural rancher lifestyle requires hardiness and support structures. Most ranchers have generations in the same place, know their neighbors, have local community, etc. You’re coming in as a stranger and people out there hate outsiders coming in. It’s an expensive hobby and a hard job.

If you like dust, fires, wind, drought, mormons, republicans, big rig black cloud trucks, and guns you’ll probably like it.

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goldenquetzal@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
As someone who moved to a remote countryside area 2 years ago, I can tell you that we regret it and are looking to move back to a more populated area. Do an extended trip there or a year sabbatical in a rental and then you’ll know for sure.

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earlgrey0@sh.itjust.works ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Question, have either of you lived in a rural area before? I am originally from LA and it’s hard to describe how jarring it is to move to a rural area. There is no “quick trip to the store” when the closest one is an hour away. Also I never got used to how limited the selection was once I got out of a big area. You’re right to be concerned about emergencies, the closest dr will probably be a considerable drive away. The internet makes the world feel smaller, but rural areas don’t tend to have faster internet so you might not be able to do things like remote dr visits to compensate for the distance. My in-laws complain constantly about their septic tank, and they cannot use their well water for drinking. It’s a huge lifestyle change and you’re right for being hesitant.

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- annodomini@lemmy.zip ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  No…
  
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  - gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Yeah. You’re gonna want to at the very least test out living in an area like that for a month or two before you uproot your life.
    
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  - ccunning@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I’m only 6 miles from a grocery store but just having moved from a major metropolitan area to a small city in a rural area has been a shock.
    
    I cannot caution you enough.You’re right to be hesitant. If it’s possible do a long term stay before you consider it. And I mean like a month or two minimum. It’s got to be long enough for you to get over being in a “new and interesting” place so you can really experience what day to day life is like.
    
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fireweed@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
This is a very strange time to want to move from one of the most politically progressive to one of the most politically conservative states in the country. I’m assuming your husband is an American-born straight white cis man?

Regardless of politics, has he ever been to Wyoming? It’s a huge state, and much of it is a dry, barren wind tunnel. The NW corner is quite pretty, but also quite expensive. Depending on your budget, he may be surprised to realize the places within financial limits are not anywhere near as nice to live as the photographs indicate, and that’s completely ignoring the issues re: remoteness that others have already described. Seriously you could not pay me to move to most places in Wyoming due to the wind alone; I cannot emphasize enough how windy the I-80 corridor (near the “population centers” of Laramie and Cheyenne) can get.

Basically what I’m getting at is “why Wyoming” of all places?

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- Horsey@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  This person is seriously underselling how expensive Teton county is. It’s literally millionaires and locals who are now millionaires, or locals who are so poor they only stick around to work in hospitality. Any given “pretty” image from Wyoming is most certainly taken in Teton county as they’ve said above.
  
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Horsey@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I’m from the Boston area, lived in rural NH as well as in Lawrence:

If you move to Wyoming, you will regret it. It’s got the coldest weather in the country outside northern Alaska with killer wind chill worse than Minnesota. Yeah, 2 hours away from doctors sucks, but now imagine that in the winter, driving conditionsbeing the same thing as 495 after a snowstorm but constant. In retirement, for me, I don’t think it’s wise to fight against weather… I get that the city and hot weather isn’t for everyone, but if you’re looking for temperate weather that won’t kill you, look into Eureka, CA or Coos Bay, OR; those places are basically Boston springtime but all year round.

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kikutwo@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Maybe rent a VRBO for a month and try it out.

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- lowspeedchase@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  This is the way. When I had the same dream I took my RV to a remote, rural spot that was in my top 3 for purchasing land in (south of Mossyrock, WA), rented a hipcamp (airbnb for rvs) for 2 months… Views were gorgeous, land was gorgeous and plentiful, people were insanely nice… but man, driving 45 min to wally world (the closest large grocer) sucked ass. The closest gas station being a ~15min drive sucked ass. It was a real eye opener.
  
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  - Sir_Kevin@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I’m in the middle of a similar journey now and it has been eye opening. I’ve dreamed of living up in the mountains. In practice, it’s a huge pain in the ass! Narrow winding roads that take hours to drive just to get to the nearest anything! If I was living off the land with little need to venture out it might be ok, but I’m finding I’d prefer OP’s current situation. Far enough to have some peace and quiet but within reasonable reach to civilization.
    
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  - kikutwo@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Yeah, it’s great to fantasize about those kind of places, but when you realize that an ambulance is a half hour away it’s sobering.
    
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foggy@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Things to consider:

Nearest hospital.

Nearest fire department.

Nearest Police station.

Nearest post office.

Nearest doctors office.

Nearest grocery.

Nearest airport.

Do you currently indulge in things like food delivery?

If all that can be reconciled then living nearly anywhere is fine.

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- fireweed@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Understanding of course that it’s not just about the presence of amenities, but also the quality. Sure there might be a grocery store, but the fresh produce is questionable, it has limited brand choices, and doesn’t cater to specific dietary needs/preferences, like organic, vegan, gluten-free, etc. Sure there might be a hospital, but it’s chronically understaffed and/or lacking in certain departments. Sure there might be a dentist, but they’re so overbooked they’re not taking new patients. Sure there’s an airport, but tickets are twice as expensive and it’ll take two transfers to visit family every holiday. Etc etc.
  
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  - foggy@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Yes absolutely true If your nearest grocery store is a dollar general, this is bad.
    
    I’m just laying out a general template to help figure out how rural were comfortable being.
    
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Nemo@slrpnk.net ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
He’s the one being unreasonable.

He’s recently made one big change that he likes and is interested in trying other big changes. See if you can direct him to try something a little saner.

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RedditIsDeddit@lemmy.world ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Middle of nowhere gets real hard as you get older

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- blargh513@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I grew up in a nowhere place. It sucked as a kid too.
  
  Cooking dinner and forgot an ingredient? You’re not getting it, hope dinner doesn’t suck.
  
  Nobody comes to visit because there is nothing to do. Hope you like silence, you will be getting a lot of it.
  
  Well water was nasty. I’m sure quality can vary, but unless you want to spend lot on filtration systems, hope you like it as it is. Ours tasted like sulphur.
  
  When you live in the city, power outages are resolved quickly. No so in the middle of nowhere. We used to go days at time with no power. Remember, your well pump needs electricity now, so no water either. Same for your furnace.
  
  Winter was ass, plows didnt come for several days after a good snow. Hope you’re a good driver because if you ditch it, you’re going to be waiting a good while for a wrecker to come pull you out.
  
  How long is it to a good hospital? Can you survive 2x that time as an ambulance will have to come get you and then drive back. Hope you never have a medical emergency.
  
  No pizza delivery. No nothing delivery. You want something, get in the car and enjoy spending at least an hour getting the thing. That is if the place nearby has it (they dont).
  
  I will NEVER live out there again. I’m sure some people like it, but the balance falls way too hard on the “everything is slow and needlessly difficult” side.
  
  Sorry but your husband is wanting to live out some Harrison Ford style fantasy. Tell him to rent a place for a few months out there and let him try it. Preferably in the winter.
  
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Bishma@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I’ve never met anyone who retired to the middle of nowhere who wasn’t back near a city within 5 years because someone’s health took a turn. That includes my mother who dreamed of living in a small coast town all her life an did so after retiring, but my step-father’s diagnosis of parkinson’s cut that short.

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DagwoodIII@piefed.social ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Do yourself a favor. Spend Christmas through New Year's in the town you're planning on moving to first.

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MedicPigBabySaver@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Do NOT leave Boston.

Go visit places, stay for a bit. But, do not move.

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Two_Hangmen@midwest.social ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I didn’t grow up in Wyoming but it was a rural state in the U.S. People romanticize rural areas until they actually live in one. If if you have a large town nearby and and your wealthy, or at least upper middle class it might be ok, but I’d highly recommend not staying where you are.

It’s not just the medical care, it’s the culture. When you move to a rural area, if you aren’t at least the 3rd generation you’ll be looked at and treated as an outsider. That doesn’t mean people will be hostile towards you, but you won’t really be part of the community either.

The entertainment, food, and shopping options are also be very limited.

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Fluke@discuss.online ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Big factor for me is whether or not either of you have lived rural before.

I worked in a very remote medical center not too far from where you’re considering. I needed to send a patient to a hospital for a severe infection one of my first days there. Life flight refused because of winter weather. The ambulance driver came to me and quietly asked if the patient really needed to go today. After I told him yes it was striking to see them strap tire chains, shovels, and a generator to the exterior before leaving. They really weren’t sure they were going to get to town that night.

You miss out on many of the benefits of modern medicine when you’re in a town of less than 20,000, and you’ll need to be ok with driving for hours for specialist care in a city of less than 100,000.

I-80 in Wyoming closes so often for weather that they have permanently installed gates across all lanes.

That being said, an adventurous and self-reliant lifestyle is one of the best things you can do for your health and longevity. If you know what you are getting into and think this would help you thrive, I’d say go for it with the agreement that if health changes you will move back to a city.

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AA5B@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Maybe a better approach is to find out what seems attractive in that type of life. You may be able to find it still somewhat near what you’re used to. Massachusetts still has plenty of small towns, lower cost areas, and rural areas, as do the rest of New England. But you’ll still be near whatever friends and family, medical care, transportation, be able to go into Boston if you want, progressive politics, etc

Worst case scenario, the Adirondacks have plenty of cheap low priced places to live. It’s remote but not that remote nor that as jarring a change

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ComradePenguin@lemmy.ml ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
The countryside can get pretty lonely. Once you retire there is no more socialising with coworkers. So there is only the family, friends and the community. Moving a way from family, friends and a place with lots of places to build new friendships (hobbies etc) could get lonely.

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andrewta@lemmy.world ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
No that’s forward thinking

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cecilkorik@piefed.ca ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I think we can all agree it's probably a bad idea.

Does that mean you shouldn't? Maybe. But maybe not. Sometimes it's fun to do something "wrong", because you want to, and maybe you'll really enjoy it anyway. Maybe you'll learn a lot about why it's a bad idea, and maybe you'll find those learnings enrich your life and give you stories to tell. I'm not trying to recommend this at all, I'm just saying you should consider it from all angles and outcomes before you make a decision, especially if this is something he really wants to do for whatever reason. Life is for *living*, it's not for making a series of *optimal choices to result in the highest score*. Experiences, both good and bad, are their own reward. And as long as nobody's going to get hurt, and you go into it with your eyes open and an understanding of the risks and potential downfalls, and do what you can to mitigate and protect against them as much as you can, maybe it's something you can try.

If it's really something you're not comfortable with, and he is, well then you two are going to have to have a long and hard talk about it and come to some mutually agreeable compromise. But even if it is objectively a bad idea, you also need to think about whether he's just naive and is going to hate it, or whether it's going to make him happy that he tried it, and whether it's an experience he needs to have in his life. Meanwhile, is it going to cause you resentment if you go there and hate it and he loves it? Will he listen to you if you decide you really do hate it and don't want to continue?

That's not something anyone can answer for you, but it has little to do with whether it's a bad idea and much more to do with what both of you want out of life.

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Suck_on_my_Presence@lemmy.world ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Not at all unreasonable.

If it’s within your means, could y’all take a long trip out that way? I can’t at all imagine what the draw is to rural Wyoming. It’s hot as hell and dryer than an oven in summer, and it’s insanely windy and cold in the winter. Maybe go take a week during each season and get an idea. I’m sure there are some ranchers out there that would hire a temporary farmhand as well.

Good luck.

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- wjrii@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  If it’s within your means, could y’all take a long trip out that way?
  
  This is a very good idea, again, if you have means, though it’s probably not absurd if he’s looking to buy. AirBnB’s in Wyoming aren’t super common, but there are options, and frankly most of them are probably “easy mode” in the sense that they’re close to SOMETHING. Get a feel for what it would be like to be stuck there doing your shopping, finding something to eat, finding something to do. Drive to the nearest hospital, then imagine doing it frequently or while in a lot of pain.
  
  Maybe it will be fine, even for ten or fifteen years, but you’re absolutely right to take this one slow and be wary. I know Massachusetts is pretty built up, but it’s not fully paved. Have you floated the idea of moving another 20-30 minutes farther out and finding a little patch of ground? Or doing something SUPER crazy like moving to New Hampshire? 🤣
  
  As another alternative, if he’s determined to have mountains, something just outside Denver or even, sigh, Salt Lake City would blunt some of the biggest issues. Wyoming has almost literally nothing. Cheyenne metro has around 100k people, smaller than Lowell, MA.
  
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- annodomini@lemmy.zip ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  We’ve traveled quite a lot around the area already, actually.
  
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memfree@lemmy.ml ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
A relative got billed thousands of dollars for post-medical transport back home. Insurance covered the cost to fly him to the hospital, but not the trip back. This guy has spent decades enjoying his home in the middle of nowhere, but everything has gotten harder as he’s grown older. He knew he was getting short of breath more easily, but didn’t realize his lungs were severely deteriorating – until his wife found him passed out on the ground instead of doing yard work.

Now he has to use oxygen (5l/min) all the time, is mostly stuck in the house, and lives too far from most services to do anything. His wife can drive to town to get groceries and the like, but he has to calculate if he’ll have enough oxygen to make a trip, and his wife doesn’t want him driving at all lest he get dizzy and cause an accident. Airlines won’t let him fly.

The couple are having a hard time finding people to drive all the way out to their place to help take care of things. They are pretty much stuck out there with a lot of chores they can’t do and very little entertainment. They did finally manage to get someone to install a generator so when the power goes out (which happens often enough), they can keep recharging the oxygen.

Prior to this, he’d been making long trips to see doctors for back and neck pain because there weren’t any close providers, but those docs somehow missed his breathing issues. I don’t know if he was seeing a GP as well, but his choices were limited. Family had urged him to move somewhere more … well, if not urban, at least suburban for over a decade because his medical care never seemed very good. Now it is nearly impossible.

Does that answer the question? The guy went from doing yard work one day to incapacitated the next. I’m sure the change is usually less instantaneous for most people, but there are cases like his where healthy to ‘not’ is fast.

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Grimy@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
You could compromise with a vacation cottage, budget permitting.

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Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I spent a few years living in a major city, but most of my life has been in rural areas. One thing you should keep in mind is that there is a wide range between Boston and Middle of nowhere, Wyoming.

You’ll have the best odds of appreciating a rural move if you live in or around the biggest town a few hours from a major city.

You’d have convenient access to most of the goods and services that are available to you now, a hospital, groceries, gas stations, etc. and if you need to access a city for an airport, concerts, or other things we don’t see in the middle of nowhere, it’s only a few hours away.

Moving completely away from civilization sounds great at times, but it makes every day things very inconvenient. Going from having a city at your fingertips to nothing at all is going to be a much bigger culture shock than your husband expects.

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loie@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Buy some land with a cabin out in Fuckstick, Maine and spend a summer up there. Same thing with slightly less crazy Republicans for neighbors.

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rudyharrelson@lemmy.radio ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Seems like you have perfectly valid concerns regarding the logistics of making such a move. Have you brought up these concerns with him? If so, does he acknowledge them or ignore them?

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- annodomini@lemmy.zip ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Technically he acknowledges them, but he’s very optimistic and… shortsighted, to say it as it is.
  
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  - MintyFresh@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Get a camper and try it for a season. You might love it you might hate it. But you’ll have some idea of the million little details that make living in a bumfuck rural area difficult. Getting groceries, medical care, just seeing other people.
    
    I’ve known people who thought they loved living in the middle of nowhere and end up putting in several hundred driving miles per week because they would come to town on the slightest pretext, because they were bored and felt cooped up. Rural life was not for them. Are you the sort who cannot go anywhere for a week plus and be happy about it?
    
    You’ll also see the stars every night, hear the wind and come to know the land. Pros and cons. Try before you buy.
    
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OsrsNeedsF2P@lemmy.ml ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
+1 on the Lemmy who recommended trying it out. If you don’t, he’s gonna live with regret about what he could have done with his only life

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FUCKING_CUNO@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Someone has been watching too much Clarksons Farm, lol

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some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
With the orange admin cutting programs for rural healthcare, broadband, etc, I wouldn’t risk it. He’s harming people in rural areas at a lightning pace.

Further: my father was still playing hockey with younger guys while he was in his 70s. He was very active. His decline from that to death took about three years. He grew less and less mobile after an injury (playing hockey like a lunatic) and then broke his hip and that was it.

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lerba@sopuli.xyz ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
You could try to talk with him to understand the underlying reasons for his will for a life change. It really could be anything. Or if that doesn’t work, seek couples counceling for a couple of sessions.

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redlemace@lemmy.world ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
No, you are not unreasonable it’s just how you prioritize. It’s personal choice. I live in the country and many elderly too. We know not to count on the blue lights to arrive in 10 minutes. 30 is more likely. We don’t wanna give up the perfect place to live just to have them arrive quicker if something happens. We count/rely on each other.

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