This was a team effort.
If I fill my ass with Helium, will my farts sound even funnier?
Can I Put it in my Ass?
Submitted 6 months ago by Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com to science_memes@mander.xyz
https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/pictrs/image/918e34dc-78d4-4da5-ab10-9f1da36062f6.jpeg
Comments
neidu2@feddit.nl 6 months ago
RecluseRamble@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
If you use hydrogen it sounds funny and makes a great show when lighting the fart.
tattletaletimes@lemmy.world 6 months ago
You’re looking at a billion view tiktok idea here!
SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 6 months ago
It will become the new Skibidi
Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
Literally yes. Then do nitrous oxide. And then sulphur hexaflouride.
roguetrick@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Brrrraaaappp
smeg@feddit.uk 6 months ago
Owe, my ass
What do you owe your ass (other than an apology)?
cobysev@lemmy.world 6 months ago
I thought it was just a typo on the chart, but then OP used it in a comment here as well.
Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
It’s the title of the category!
slazer2au@lemmy.world 6 months ago
More like pain rather than an apology.
Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
You know magnesium can ignite with exposure to moisture yes?
Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
I’ll need to see a video of it igniting without an oxygen providing intermediary - haven’t been able to find one.
Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
So ok if you don’t fart/queef?
Nom@lemm.ee 6 months ago
Damn it stop giving em more kinks
skillissuer@discuss.tchncs.de 6 months ago
make nickel yellow (some people are allergic) osmium will be probably covered by layer of toxic tetroxide, cadmium and tellurium are also decently toxic
AOCapitulator@hexbear.net 6 months ago
What the fuck
skillissuer@discuss.tchncs.de 6 months ago
why is cerium yellow but other lantanides green, technetium is cheaper than you think (fission product) but it’s also radioactive
plutonium and americium, and maybe uranium also should be blue, CIA would anal probe you for less
Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
You’re right, wikipedia prices are way outdated. Unenriched isotopes aren’t blue 'cause I’m assuming they’d let you live.
Technus@lemmy.zip 6 months ago
I’d love to see the reasoning for each element. Most of them are obvious but I’m curious about some of them.
Are all the gasses dangerous because they’d have to be frozen to a solid? You could use them to pressurize a dildo-shaped envelope, though.
Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
That’s great because this is supposed to be educational and a surprising amount of research was done (way more than anticipated). All elements are solid at STP so for the gasses that’s in the range of -200 C. Someone suggested doing a version with liquid and gas enemas but you know? I’m just not that dedicated (yet)
Technus@lemmy.zip 6 months ago
My first thought was “why is nitrogen dangerous?” but I was thinking about it at room temperature or around 20C.
I know about decompression sickness (the bends) but I wouldn’t expect that to be a problem at 1 atmosphere. Then I stumbled upon isobaric counterdiffusion and I wondered if that could happen from pumping any pure gas into the rectum at atmospheric pressure, since it’d be at a higher partial pressure than any gas in the tissue.
FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 6 months ago
How, uh dedicated are you?
It’s for science, so someone has to do it,
Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
Here’s some interesting ones that I don’t think anyone’s asked yet so far
The two CIA ones? Only elements with an unenriched isotope that can reach critical mass (and don’t instantly disappear). You’d need about 10 or so large dildos to muke a nuclear bomb. The anal probe and CIA disappearing is literal.
Borat is in this diagram
Starting with Potassium the Alkalis become basically explosive to water and get progressively more reactive. If you haven’t covered it yet this is because their valence shells get weaker the heavier you go.
Hydrogen and Helium so far basically cannot exist in solid form at STP
Technus@lemmy.zip 6 months ago
IMO, I’d count plutonium in the anal probe category. Enriched or not, it’s gonna raise tons of red flags.
Buying that much uranium would probably just get your house raided by the FBI. If you told them what you were planning on doing with it, they might find it funny enough not to indict you.
skillissuer@discuss.tchncs.de 6 months ago
calcium, strontium and barium are also pretty reactive with water, and at any rate beyond hydrogen the other product (metal hydroxide) is corrosive
vk6flab@lemmy.radio 6 months ago
I cannot believe just how much time I spent looking at this … for … science.
Outsider9042@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Suggested update, Silicon is a picture of Obi-Wan saying “That’s why I’m here”
Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
Updated
Arcturus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
Chad behaviour
the_sisko@startrek.website 6 months ago
Silicon isn’t the same thing as silicone 🤣
ForgetPrimacy@lemmygrad.ml 6 months ago
I’m not sure I get the joke? Obi-Wan gives that line on the planet Kamino… what is the connection to Silicon?
Zehzin@lemmy.world 6 months ago
This assumes the dildo must be solid. I think as scientists we need to think outside the box (and ass)
Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
Indeed. So if we go with every element at STP it’s pretty boring. All the gasses just become green except flourine and there’s some minute changes. I felt this way was more interesting and would get people asking more questions.
BlueKey@kbin.run 6 months ago
All gasses except Flourine become green?
You must have really Chad mucus membranes to deal with Chlorine and Bromine.
Mr_Fish@lemmy.world 6 months ago
It’s not called ARSEnic for nothing
ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Please make sure they’re flared!
FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Instructions unclear. Magnesium is now burning my ass.
SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 6 months ago
Damn imagine putting mercury up there. I don’t think your sphincter could hold it
spicytuna62@lemmy.world 6 months ago
If the dildo were chilled to -40°
Zehzin@lemmy.world 6 months ago
But then your body heat would slowly melt it and lube yourself with heavy poison
nymwit@lemm.ee 6 months ago
hey it says “in” not “up”. Just gotta lay down or maybe go inverted.
Bloobish@hexbear.net 6 months ago
Please always ensure whatever element you use has a stable base larger than the insertion point
BrundleFly2077@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
This should definitely be its own website.
Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
BrundleFly2077@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com is the best of us. The best of our best, the best that each of us will ever build or ever love. So pray for this Guardian of our growth and choose him well, for if he be not truly blessed, then our designs are surely frivolous and our future but a tragic waste of hope. Bless our best and adore for he doth bear our measure to the Cosmos.
Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
Never because this is the resolution paint.net shat this abomination out at.
Turun@feddit.de 6 months ago
Missing a few more "hello there"s, unless this is what floats your boat:
a 12in diameter, 2m long Crystal of silicon (not silicone), made for semiconductor manufacturing
devilish666@lemmy.world 6 months ago
So… you’re saying it’s okay to put uranium in my ass but not oxygen ??
Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
Let’s see your oxygen dildo 🤔
devilish666@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Already wearing it but you can’t see it
Nom@lemm.ee 6 months ago
Big_Bob@hexbear.net 6 months ago
If it glows, it goes. (Up my ass)
littletranspunk@lemmus.org 6 months ago
Uranium is fine, but oxygen is going too far, got it
RegalPotoo@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Natural (unenriched) uranium isn’t especially radioactive and while there is plenty of exciting chemistry that could happen, none of it would be quite as immediately exciting as what would happen if you tried to freeze oxygen solid enough to make a dildo
itslilith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 months ago
Uranium will give you heavy metal poisoning worse than lead, however
skillissuer@discuss.tchncs.de 6 months ago
enriched uranium is also not particularly radioactive, only as a spent fuel is becomes spicy
sgtlion@hexbear.net 6 months ago
Those lanthanides… are we not terming a lethal radiation dose as rectal damage??
Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
I think the whole lanthanide row could use a review by an “expert”. Sparse information on relative toxicity and relative radiated energy and immediate effects on mucus membranes.
Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
Right. Most stable isotope. Note that the green still says ‘probably’…
TheOakTree@lemm.ee 6 months ago
Silicon is not silicone, so that spot is not correct…
Unless you’re talking about using one of these fuckers:
DivineChaos100@hexbear.net 6 months ago
The answer to all is “yes, but watch out.”
Nakoichi@hexbear.net 6 months ago
You can do anything once.
Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
Brave
alcoholicorn@lemmy.ml 6 months ago
Galium should be fine as long as it’s below body temperature.
Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
The only reason it’s red actually is because of burns and irritation to mucus membranes. It’s far less dangerous than some.
radiofreeval@hexbear.net 6 months ago
You can put oxygen up your ass though
Andromxda@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
Nitrogen and noble gases shouldn’t be a problem either
Simon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
Pretty hard to make a dildo out of gas 🤔 Unless you’re a cloud?
psmgx@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Arsenic is maybe not?
paddirn@lemmy.world 6 months ago
The most consequential update to the Periodic Table since its creation.
Kolanaki@yiffit.net 6 months ago
Is this actually any different from the licking chart? 🤔
frankenswine@lemmy.world 6 months ago
RootBeerGuy@discuss.tchncs.de 6 months ago
I don’t know. Isn’t Tungsten kinda brittle?
anarchyrabbit@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Where can I see each of the dildos?
Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 6 months ago
Ya’ll sleeping on bismuth dildos smdh
DavidGarcia@feddit.nl 6 months ago
this is a quantum leap in the field of dildonics
RegalPotoo@lemmy.world 6 months ago
The biggest step forward since the invention of teledildonics
Maalus@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Dare I say the biggest step forward since sliced dildos
Akasazh@feddit.nl 6 months ago
Rather a small step for microdildonics, though
trolololol@lemmy.world 6 months ago
What’s the biggest step backwards?