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Yea, too early. The desire for kids change. I never wanted them and was quite firm on that untill I met the right partner. Got two at around 40 and couldn’t be happier.
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Submitted 1 day ago by peachgelato@lemmy.zip to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Comments
wrinkletip@feddit.nl 10 hours ago
suodrazah@lemmy.world 10 hours ago
Logical me does not want to bring children into this shit show. Emotional me wants to see what sort of freak me and my partner create.
dickalan@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
If you make a child, you just functionallymade another wage slave to depress everybody else’s wages around you
Leather@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
I got a vasectomy at 23, a little over 2 decades ago. I heard the same arguments, but I knew since I was a child that I had zero interest in being a parent.
I think it’s interesting all the folks talking about neurological development, or alluding to wisdom with age. Because we’re on Lemmy, and not somebootlicker MAGA platform, I bet not a single one of those folks would question a 22 year old who said they were gay. Not one damn person would tell you to wait 5 years, or tell you you’re too young, bank your sperm, or you might change with age, or you might meet the right person and become straight for them.
My advice is to be thoughtful, be curious, and ultimately to trust yourself.
Pelicanen@sopuli.xyz 11 hours ago
Difference being that unlike sexual orientation, desire to have children is something that can be affected quite a lot by just situational circumstances. I’m glad to hear that it worked out well for you, but there are plenty of people who have either wanted or not wanted children when young who have ended up changing their minds, to my knowledge there’s never been an instance of anyone changing their sexual orientation.
Properly used condoms are incredibly effective at preventing pregnancies and have the additional advantage of reducing the spread or STDs, there’s no need to take an irreversible decision quite yet.
Leather@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
Sexual orientation tends to be relatively stable over the life span. Why couldn’t we consider parenting a part of ones orientation? link.springer.com/article/…/s11930-019-00195-x
AceSLive@lemmy.world 21 hours ago
Yo, I had a vasectomy at 31, but then loads of stuff happened and at 33 I met my now wife… and spent $12,000 australian reversing the vasectomy… I was CERTAIN I didn’t want kids.
Just a thought…
That said, I still don’t regret having the vasectomy. I do regret the money lost.
JayleneSlide@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Negative. I got mine at 23, but only because it took me five years to find a doctor who would perform it.
Good luck. Also, the recovery times are very serious.
And everyone is different (duh), but there has been a complete absence of regret. Added bonus: my partners have been very appreciative that the onus of birth control is not on them.
zaphodb2002@sh.itjust.works 16 hours ago
Did you have a rough recovery? I was sore for a few days but I thought it was a breeze, all things considered.
BassTurd@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Not at all. I would have had it done at 18 in hindsight, but did it in my later 20s. It was bar none the best $50 I’ve ever spent. I’ve known my entire life that I didn’t want to be a parent, and for me that feeling only compounded as I got older. Couple that with the current world situation and local political climate and uncertainty, and it reaffirms my choice.
Technically it is reversible, but I would consider a permanent fix. Regardless, wrap your dick because vasectomies don’t block STDs.
ironhydroxide@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
I knew by 22 I never wanted kids. Annoying, noisy, messy, and expensive.
But I listened to everyone around me saying I’d change my mind.
Got snipped at 35, mostly due to the scares and the extra risk to my SO due to recent law changes (abortion being made illegal).
We (my SO and I) both agree I should have just done it sooner, and not listened to everyone claiming my opinions would change.
37piecesof_flare@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Everyone tells younger men the same thing it seems. I heard the same bullshit from the time I started talking about it (vasectomy) as a teen. 35 now and nothing has changed, living the dink life with my wife and it’s great.
Captainvaqina@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Yup. They created this shit ass unaffordable world.
Aussiemandeus@aussie.zone 21 hours ago
At 22 I thought I had it all figured out.
Now coming up on 32 I look back and think geeze what a dumb arse I was at times.
I’m sure when I’m 42 I’ll think I was dumb now, but a lot had maturing happened for me during my 20s. I would hold off until 30s at least
Grimtuck@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
As a 48 year old expecting his first child, I can confirm that you will always look back and think this and I’m certain I will again in the future.
OP, don’t rush to make these decisions even if there is a good chance that you won’t change your mind. There are medicines that are very close (or maybe available now?) that will achieve some of the same benefits without surgery. There might be a smarter choice for you if you take your time with this decision.
Aussiemandeus@aussie.zone 12 hours ago
Congratulations on the child, I just found out this morning I’m having a son also my first child.
FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
This is why you shouldn’t tell them.
None of their damn business.
In any case. It sounds like you’ve thought it through and it’s not an impulsive thing. So no. It’s not “too early.”
(And in any case it’s usually reversible, of you do. Expensive and more invasive than the original procedure, and it’s not always certain. But the potential is there.)
horse@feddit.org 10 hours ago
You’re an adult and it’s your body, if you want a vasectomy, get a vasectomy.
That being said, I was 100% I didn’t want kids when I was your age. Now I’m 37 and trying to have kids. Obviously that doesn’t mean you’ll change your mind, but it can happen.
Zannsolo@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
I didn’t want kids til I met my wife when I was 38. I knew she was the one pretty early on and I knew that if I wanted to to keep dating her I’d have to reconsider my position. I had my first kid at 40 and my 2nd is on the way, and being a father is awesome.
I ended a 5 1/2 year relationship because I didn’t want kids with her. The partner you’re with definitely matters.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
Nope
bizzle@lemmy.world 23 hours ago
Do it, but freeze a sample just in case. I didn’t think I wanted any more after I had my first two, but now I do want another one and the doctor said a reversal is pretty much paying $8k to flip a coin. If you die with your sample still on ice, who cares? At least you had the option.
pineapplelover@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 hours ago
I’d say maybe bank some sperm and/or wait until your brain is fully developed
Krudler@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
Your brain doesn’t even finish fully developing until around 25 so like dude give it time
You are going to grow internally, and the external details of your life will change a lot as well
This is not a movie you jump into that’s all I’m saying
Give it at least 5 years
abominablecosmonaut44@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Yeah 22 is probably a little young. Just wrap that willy bro
dumples@midwest.social 1 day ago
First off, thank you for ejaculating responsibility. If more men ejaculated as responsibly as you the world would be a better place. You might be on the young side but vasectomies’ are now reversible with a 90%+ rate. So freeze some sperm for a decade or so if you are really worried about it. So you have some options if you want kids in the future.
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 1 day ago
So freeze some sperm for a decade or so
Please tell me you didn’t get these ice cubes from the GREEN tray!
dumples@midwest.social 1 day ago
Why does your ice taste so odd?
onslaught545@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
They can also just go into your balls and get sperm.
BurgerBaron@piefed.social 1 day ago
People forget this lol you still have your balls.
phdepressed@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
At 22 I didn’t want kids. At 32 I have a kid without regrets. Prior to getting a long-term partner with the same mindset I think it is a bit much unless something or someone has scared you about “baby trapping”.
Vasectomy reversal can usually be done but isn’t always effective.
ultranaut@lemmy.world 1 day ago
No. I had to wait until I was 25 before they would let me. I’m quite a bit older now and have never even slightly regretted it.
It is potentially possible to reverse. Although its an expensive surgery with low chances of success to get it reversed. I think its also possible to directly extract sperm for artificial insemination but I’m not aware of that method being commercialized.
Ledivin@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I personally didn’t want kids until ~30something and would have regretted having done so (and had seriously considered it). Everyone’s different, though 🤷♂️
NABDad@lemmy.world 22 hours ago
I’d argue it’s too young, purely from a neurological development point of view.
Your prefrontal cortex doesn’t fully develop until your mid to late 20’s. That’s what gives you the ability to evaluate future consequences of your actions.
Fedizen@lemmy.world 23 hours ago
This isn’t a substitute for not wearing a condom.
kdcd@sh.itjust.works 20 hours ago
I knew at 17 that I never wanted children. Now I’m 40 and have no regrets. I don’t dislike children, I just know that I would end up parenting them like my father did me and that’s not fun for anyone
amino@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
no, bodily autonomy has no age limit
nagaram@startrek.website 1 day ago
I got my Vasectomy at 26. I wanted it sooner, but insurance sucks.
I believe firmly that regret is something you make yourself feel or are made to feel. So your family members don’t regret having kids because they haven’t been made to regret that decision.
I haven’t told my family about my snip because I think they would have tried to make me regret it.
That makes sense to me because they want that constant reassurance that their decision was correct. So someone NOT making that decision means it may not have been correct.
If you wanna talk about it more, I’d happily chat with you and be the support you’re not getting.
Dead_or_Alive@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
22 is too young. From a purely clinical point of view your brain isn’t done maturing and you haven’t hit the prime years of your life.
But there is no option in the US for male birth control and there is a chance that the vasectomy can be reverse, so do what you think you need t so. It’s not a chance I would take though.
Fuck_u_spez_@sh.itjust.works 16 hours ago
I’m going to dodge the question entirely but I’ll pass along this fact as told to me by a urologist/surgeon:
After ten years, the chances of a successful reversal surgery drop by about 50%.
Also, consider writing down a list of pros and cons and see which column ends up longer.
FanciestPants@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
Anecdotally, I feel like im a pretty different person than I was when I was 22. Had first kid at 34, and am now 42.
Analytically, I can’t know for sure if I would have significantly different feelings (e.g. regret, relief, etc.) if I had made different decisions. I recognize that the world is different now for 22 year olds compared to when I was 22. If “regret” avoidance is the main objective, then I’d guess that you could make a better assessment of potential outcomes (your possible feelings of regret) than your family as long as you’ve considered all of those outcome scenarios.
Nollij@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
It’s tough to predict the future. Most people don’t start wanting kids until they’re older than that, or at least until they’re in a serious relationship. Given that you did not mention one, I’m going to assume that you are unattached. Most single people in their twenties want to get laid without having kids.
You may find that a vasectomy is a complete blocker for certain relationships. However, if you truly do not want kids, those would be doomed regardless.
Will you change your mind? Perhaps. Many people’s views on the subject change as they enter their 30s. But that doesn’t mean yours will.
It might also be worth considering why you want a vasectomy right now. If you are single, you should not be hooking up with random people unprotected. If you are in a relationship, this is something that you should discuss with your partner.
peachgelato@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
[deleted]FreedomAdvocate@lemmy.net.au 20 hours ago
Statistically and realistically this relationship isn’t going to last btw.
Many of my friends, especially women friends, didn’t want kids. We’re certain they would never want kids. They pretty much all now have kids, multiple kids.
You guys are kids. Don’t forget that.
Delphia@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
Your life, your body, your choice and all.
But if you dont have a legit medical reason that having children would be ill advised I wouldnt do it. I never wanted kids, I hated kids. But people change, had one at 35 and another on the way at 40…
21yo me absolutely should not have had kids, I would have been a fucking terrible parent and I’m glad i didnt.
Perspectivist@feddit.uk 1 day ago
Looking back, I realize I was pretty immature at 22. It didn’t feel that way at the time, but it sure does now. These days, 18‑year‑olds look like kids to me.
I didn’t want kids back then, and I still don’t - but my perspective has shifted a little. When I see parents now, there’s a slight melancholic feeling that comes with knowing that’s something I’ll probably never experience.
So yeah, if you’re 30 and don’t want kids, that’s probably not going to change. Before that, though, there’s always a chance.
nokturne213@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
Fostering and adopting is a thing. And can be just as, if not more, rewarding.
Over the years I have unofficially fostered a few kids, run aways that I took In and their parents realized it was better for them to stay with me rather than forcing them home to run away again to who knows where this time.
I see one of them from time to time around town and always tells me about work and his girl friend, no I do not have the same relationship with him as I do my own kids, but he only lived with me for 6 months, and that time greatly improved his home situation.
Regna@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I’ve done this unofficial fostering myself. I make sure that I don’t claim all ”my” kids, they are still their own individuals and have all rights to connect with their families and cultures. I love my kids, both bio and not. I wouldn’t want to be without them. But I still am sure I should have had other options achieved when I was younger. So I concur with the commenter I replied to now and OP. Don’t let family pressure fuck your life up.
zr0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
Can fully agree and would even say wait until 32