Dump all your data to data lake, throw a thousand GPUs in there too, and you’ll have your answer in 2 hours max and.
I'll just be a quick 3h
Submitted 11 months ago by CowsLookLikeMaps@sh.itjust.works to programmer_humor@programming.dev
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/a353e129-7583-4dc3-8c62-779ab8c3c3ad.png
Comments
fosforus@sopuli.xyz 11 months ago
CowsLookLikeMaps@sh.itjust.works 11 months ago
Thanks, I’ll tell the client it’ll be ready in 2h.
cypherix93@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Mr. Manager calling from a group
Hi everyone, I know we’re all busy, but I just wanted to align on this 2 hr estimate. Can we put our heads together and do this faster somehow?
Winged_Hussar@lemmy.world 11 months ago
And the data they want is the entire FY, is 3,000,000 records and they need every single data attribute making the file like 250 MBs. Then you put it in their SharePoint and they get mad they can’t just view it in the browser despite the giant “This file is too large to view online, download it” message.
db2@sopuli.xyz 11 months ago
“Just email it to me!”
perviouslyiner@lemm.ee 11 months ago
Newspaper: Hackers are announcing a trove of personal data leaked from [company] after a forwarded spreadsheet inadvertently contained more data than the sender realised.
Melatonin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 months ago
Hey! I just started looking at SQL and this is the first SQL joke I’ve ever seen or at least ever gotten!
So, congratulations me!
Dave@lemmy.nz 11 months ago
Welcome! Please complete your setup by placing this on your wall: xkcd.com/327
Melatonin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 months ago
Lolz got that one too
Dentarthurdent@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Same feel as “how long is this going to take to pull?” Well I don’t know if part of what you’re asking for exists, how clean it is, and if can join the data you’re talking about, so anywhere from 5 minutes to never?
cybersandwich@lemmy.world 11 months ago
That’s exactly how you should respond. I’ve been on the requester for some of these and if my team gave me that as a response I’d just say “let me know what you find out or when you know more.”
cybersandwich@lemmy.world 11 months ago
How many widgets have we transferred to acme this year?
Simple enough question right?
But then when you look at the data, each region works with acme’s local offices differently. Some transfer using one method, some offices mark the transfer in the system as “other firm”. Oh, and we don’t even get a data feed from the north west region because they still haven’t upgraded their shit so I can request a spreadsheet but it’s in a different format than everything else.
Then inevitably Acme has a different number of widgets that have been transfered. Because if a transfer gets kicked back or cancelled, it’s easier to just create a new transfer rather than go fix an old one because that process is laborious and requires tons of approvals so they just create a new transfer and send it over.
But yea, 20 minutes should be enough time to get you that before your meeting with Acme.
pomodoro_longbreak@sh.itjust.works 11 months ago
Man I don’t regret leaving this behind at my last job. You start out by doing someone a one-off like “sure I can pull the top 5 promotional GICs broken down by region for your blog article - I love supporting my co-workers!” Then requests become increasingly esoteric and arcane. You try to build a simple FE to expose the data for them, but you can’t get the time approved so you either have to do it with OT, and even then there’s no replacement for just writing SQL, so you’ll always be their silver bullet.
applebusch@lemmy.world 11 months ago
At that point you teach them how to do it themselves. Isn’t there a way to give them an account that only has read access so they can’t inadvertently screw up the database?
pomodoro_longbreak@sh.itjust.works 11 months ago
I like that idea, and it actually did work for our Marketing guy (Salesforce has a kind of SQL). Near the end there, I just had to debug a few of his harder errors, or double check a script that was going to be running on production.
Never thought of it for Postres or Mysql, etc, but I suppose there’s got to be an easy enough way to get someone access
lazyslacker@sh.itjust.works 11 months ago
In Oracle you’d just set up a user that has limited access and give them those credentials. Creating a few views that pulls in the data they want is a bonus.
NoneYa@lemm.ee 11 months ago
I hate these requests so fucking much. I’ve learned a lot of SQL because of it but I’m sick of it. Especially sick of the users who ask for the same data over and over again.
One guy asked me to run a report every first of the month and then he wouldn’t respond when I would send it so I stopped sending it. Additionally because he would request it AGAIN later in the month after I already sent it at the beginning of the month.
Guess it’s too much to search your fucking emails before requesting a new report to be run. A report that I’ve told you countless times will slow down everything for everyone else who’s using the system.
But tHis iS uRgENt aSAp to run a report asking for all data for the last 3 years.
dan@upvote.au 11 months ago
Especially sick of the users who ask for the same data over and over again.
Use something like Apache Airflow to automate it :)
pomodoro_longbreak@sh.itjust.works 11 months ago
If it’s regular, I recommend
cron+mailutils. Have the cron job call a script with a variable sleep in it if you want to make it look more manual.
PizzaMane@lemm.ee 11 months ago
At work, I am currently dealing with a table that has no primary key, no foreign key, duplicate (almost) serial numbers, boolean stored as strings, and so on. It’s a nightmare of a table.
ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 11 months ago
My all-time favorite database table was a table named STATE, meant to store all US states. It had 531 rows.
outcide@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Relatable. 🤣
reverendsteveii@lemm.ee 11 months ago
well, there’s confusion, paranoia, agitation and so many others…
psud@aussie.zone 11 months ago
I have been trying to get people in my area to make their new table generically named, since it’s going to be the only table that can map a date range to a different date range, but I’m on holidays now, and they can’t imagine anything other than their little project needing this table, so it’s going to be named for this one project, and it’s columns will be named for the specific data they’ll hold :(
Melatonin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 months ago
Confusion … Your medical condition Disorganized
peyotecosmico@programming.dev 11 months ago
I’ve been there and you know what’s worse about it? When you fix it only you or a handful of people notice the astronomical labor you did.
“It worked before why did you change it? You are just doing busywork”
PizzaMane@lemm.ee 11 months ago
Yeah. Luckily the work I am doing is to fix some really bad work that the entire company has been complaining about. So once it’s fixed it will hopefully be a little bit more recognition than that. Plus my boss is pretty level headed.
But who fucking knows? There is always the likelihood that people will say things along those lines. And it ain’t my job to fight them on that.
SaintWacko@midwest.social 11 months ago
How about a date stored as an integer?
PizzaMane@lemm.ee 11 months ago
No, we have worse. Dates sometimes stored as strings, sometimes as datetimes sometimes as integers. There is no consistency, logic, or forethought to the schema.
Crashumbc@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Worked on a enterprise medical database, had thousands of tables, and some of the most corrupt data possible. This triggers me :(
dauerstaender@feddit.de 11 months ago
Only 3h? What kind sql magician are you?!
ensignrick@startrek.website 11 months ago
Me this morning. I’m gonna take a look at why this Jenkins pipeline is failing. This one job starts a dozen others. Half are failing. For different reasons. After starting rewriting a job that someone half assed. Realize the original error was caused by missing input but some are still valid. Still can’t figure out why my rewritten program is erroring. Get pulled away because another program did something weird… I completed nothing today but worked a ton.
My day…
criminalunicorn@feddit.uk 11 months ago
You have perfectly described my day almost everyday.
calabast@lemm.ee 11 months ago
Somebody tell this dude about views.
Gallardo994@sh.itjust.works 11 months ago
If they existed for tons of random usecases. When was the last time you created views for “just in case someone asks” situations?
hddsx@lemmy.ca 11 months ago
So my work is archaic and doesn’t even use SQL. What are views?
doctordevice@lemm.ee 11 months ago
Basically scripts you can run on the fly to pull calculated data. You can (mostly) treat them like tables themselves if you create them on the server.
So if you have repeat requests, you can save the view with maybe some broader parameters and then just SELECT * FROM [View_Schema.My_View] WHERE [Year] = 2023 or whatever.
It can really slow things down if your views start calling other views in since they’re not actually tables. If you’ve got a view that you find you want to be calling in a lot of other views, you can try to extract as much of it as you can that isn’t updated live into a calculated table that’s updated by a stored procedure. Then set the store procedure to run at a frequency that best captures the changes (usually daily). It can make a huge difference in runtime at the cost of storage space.
calabast@lemm.ee 11 months ago
A view is a saved query that pretends it’s a table. It doesn’t actually store any data. So if you need to query 10 different tables, joining them together and filtering the results specific ways, a view would just be that saved query, so instead of "SELECT * FROM " you can do “SELECT * FROM HandyView”
Restaldt@lemm.ee 11 months ago
Predefined queries more or less
JPJones@startrek.website 11 months ago
It’s OKAY to say no.
DinosaurSr@programming.dev 11 months ago
I’ve gotta get better at this…
ExtraMedicated@lemmy.world 11 months ago
You wanna know why this dashboard takes a full minute to load? It’s because it joins every table in the fucking database because some people can’t be bothered to look at a separate page for certain information.
Mango@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Well if organizing things in pristine tables makes things quick, why can’t we have nice things?
Patches@sh.itjust.works 11 months ago
Because Jen in accounting doesn’t believe in it, and Tom the CIO likes his data stored raw in TXT Amphibious Delineated. Then our biggest vendor prefers data as Jason so we swapped half of our database to that.
But the real problem is high turnover because we don’t pay anyone enough to work on things they are proud of. After 2 years we stop doing even 3% COL raises so they go elsewhere. So every 2 years each position gets a new opinionated asshole.
reverendsteveii@lemm.ee 11 months ago
our biggest client prefers data as Jason so we swapped half of our database to that
the app I work with currently stores json as the only column in a sql table and it hurts me so very much. like watching someone pick up a screwdriver and try to bash a nail in with the handle.
stufkes@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Garcia From Criminal Minds: consider it done 😂
reverendsteveii@lemm.ee 11 months ago
Enhance
nintendiator@feddit.cl 11 months ago
Hang on, what’s that? Click on the
ip_addresscolumn!
PhlubbaDubba@lemm.ee 11 months ago
See this is where Excel … well, excels!
Pivot tables do these data pulls pretty easy
UnrepententProcrastinator@lemmy.ca 11 months ago
Please don’t tell that to any manager. They’ll misinterpret it.
PhlubbaDubba@lemm.ee 11 months ago
Nah this is one of those slick work deals, legit all you need to do is list all your entries, order a pivot table, and then you can just arrange your variables to display however you want them to, do a little format pizaz, and voila, here’s that “report” you asked for!
oce@jlai.lu 11 months ago
Is it ironic?
kd45@lemm.ee 11 months ago
Oh no! How dare they ask you to do your job? Just get on with it do what they pay you for
parlaptie@feddit.de 11 months ago
This is a programming community. The joke is that you’re asked to do something that isn’t part of your job, to do someone else’s job for them.
fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 11 months ago
Me right now, discovering that our archives data have file sizes… sometimes in bytes, sometimes in kilobytes. I found some pattern this morning thinking I could know which was which, then the pattern collapsed at some date in the past.
Joy.squeezeyerbawdy@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Oooh I had a 45 second coughing fit- thanks flu and you dear poster!
sirico@feddit.uk 11 months ago
❗❗❗❗❗❗❗❗❗❗❗URGENT❗❗❗❗PLeSE READ ASAP❗MY REQESTS ARE MORE IMPORATNT THAN YOUR TIME❗❗ CC: yourboss,your mum,your uni prof
derfl007@lemmy.wtf 11 months ago
Behind every ❗️❗️❗️🚨🚨🚨URGENT🚨🚨🚨❗️❗️❗️ there is a person who’s about to miss a deadline and, instead of working on themselves to prevent that from happening in the future, makes it the developer’s deadline to miss
pomodoro_longbreak@sh.itjust.works 11 months ago
Also that urgency is rooted in job insecurity, not even customer impact. They just don’t want to look bad.
dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de 11 months ago
So much this.
I’m in my first professional role and the first project was completed and aside from my boss I was the only other dev. So I was naturally excited for their (clients) feedback on it.
Well fast forward a couple of months where they really didn’t interact with the application much and then came the queries and then not understanding how to use it. Find boss sets aside 10 days for me to write some documentation with screenshots of all the journeys (free of charge).
Again, tumbleweeds. Then all of a sudden it’s boom emails a plenty.
Can you fix this, this is a major bug kinda emails. Like it isn’t a bug, you don’t know how to use it.
Now we are dumbing down the software to make it more align with what the business is used to, which is fine but even my boss has said (as I over think and want to reply to things instantly) that just because they have come to life doesn’t mean we drop everything else to tend to them now.
TeenieBopper@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Welcome to the professional world where everything is iterative and and 95% of your clients (internal or external) are data illiterate and don’t want to learn whatever self service tools you build.
Gumbyyy@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Sorry to break this to you…but this won’t be the last time that happens. In fact, it’ll probably happen on more projects than not.
bregosh@feddit.de 11 months ago
that just normal software development with contacts and waterfall. usually with agile it’s meditated to some extend, because with agile the customer is on board and cannot say afterwards i didn’t want it.