Has anyone here ever doubted if your parents were your "real" parents? Is it normal to have these weird thoughts?

Submitted ⁨⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works⁩ to ⁨nostupidquestions@lemmy.world⁩

I mean, if, say, you got kidnapped by someone at a young age and you were too young to form memories, then you could theoretically live an entire life falsely believing your parents are your biological parents. Especially if your birth wasn’t properly documented, or from a developing country where paperwork isn’t exactly being done properly.

As to why, maybe some has fertility issues or something. Maybe their original kid died and now they are just having a weird parent complex and trying to fill the void, passing off someone’s kid as their own.

Reason why I’m having these thoughts because I remember running away from home once and its possible perhaps I got kidnapped and I’m misremembering about the part where my mom found me. Perhaps another sets of events happened and my brain just paved over it with less traumatic memories??? Like repressed memories? Idk, memory is kinda fragile, idk how much to trust memory.

I read about some of these stories and now I have paranoia lol.

(Sorry if this post is kinda bizzare, I just have depression and thoughts be spiraling)

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Comments

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njm1314@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Certainly wished at times.

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krooklochurm@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I’m my own grandpa.

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- DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Fry, stop doing the nasty in the past-y
  
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MuttMutt@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I dreamed and wished I was and that some loving family would find out and come take me away.

Found out when I was 20 that my mother hated my existence. She told me how she “had her whole life planned out” and then she had me. Probably explains all the crap I went through a a child. My father was never really in the picture but she had multiple abusive boyfriends around over the years.

For me to not be my mother’s child I would had to have been taken pretty early on or switched at birth. I have memories to about 18 months old. Doesn’t matter now. Learned later on in life that blood doesn’t mean family.

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- DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  I dreamed and wished I was and that some loving family would find out and come take me away.
  
  Relatable xD
  
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  - MuttMutt@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Instead of dwelling on it find something to make your life better. When my wife passed away I learned to SCUBA dive and bought some gear so I didn’t need to worry about renting. Being under water for me is one of the best feelings I’ve ever felt, the world slows down and I can just live in the moment.
    
    I honestly wish I could be in the water at least one a week but right now I can’t manage it.
    
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SuiXi3D@fedia.io ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Yes, when I was younger. Parents then informed me I was adopted when I was three months old. Mom can’t have kids of her own. As an adult, I got a DNA test and ended up finding my biological mom and half-brother. I’m really glad I was adopted.

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the_mighty_kracken@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I always knew my dad was really my dad because he left.

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i_dont_want_to@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Unless you decide to independently verify everything you interact with, there is a certain amount of faith that one needs to keep to live day-to-day. I’m not talking about religion.

If I hold a rock in my hand and think it’s a very old rock, but instead it was just a piece of concrete, does it matter?

To you, am I just a bot or am I a person very far away from you talking to you over the Fediverse? Does it matter?

Is the sun really there, or is it an elaborate hoax? Observing the sun and moving on is enough. Does it matter?

What does matter to you? If you ask me, you should care about a few things. Your own wellbeing. The wellbeing of your community. Your friends. The things that bring you any joy. (And if you have none, then if you work on your own wellbeing, you will be able to find joy after a certain point.)

What if you weren’t biologically your parents’ child, but they weren’t aware of that fact, either? Like you got swapped at the hospital? What would that change for you?

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- DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Like you got swapped at the hospital? What would that change for you?
  
  It would probably trigger an existential crisis in me. Identity crisis.
  
  It could explain my depression and anxiety. I heard that the bond between biological mother and child is stronger, like there’s a biology aspect to make the bond stronger or something. So maybe lacking the bond would cause issues with parent-child relationships
  
  If my parents were aware of it, it could explain why they seem to be okay with abusive behaivors, afterall, it wouldn’t “really” be their “real” child. As to why they would take me in the first place. I have no idea, I read weird stories all the time. Some rich family stole a kid from a poor family back in the 1900s in the US. Later DNA tests after their deaths revealed the truth.
  
  I’d be more willing to just go no contact if I became aware of this fact. Not that I dislike the idea of adoptive parents, but its also factoring their borderline abusive behaviors. It would be the final nail in the coffin, this relationship would be dead and burried.
  
  Citizenship issues. So everything gets retroactively annulled, citizenship, and my entry when I was 8 would’ve been retroactively made illegal. (This is a reason to not to the dna test)
  
  But on the other hand, if DNA is confirmed to be a match, I would be slightly more comfortable with talking to them about my issues, I mean at least I can stop worrying about that weird obssessive fear and constantly questioning the past.
  
  And I don’t mean to offend anyone who was adopted, the culture I was raised in was different, so please excuse me for any offense.
  
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  - i_dont_want_to@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    It sounds like you are struggling with how your parents and the rest of your family treat you.
    
    Does it make it better or worse if you were indeed their child?
    
    In my mind, blood means nothing. Blood might be your starting place, but you can choose to keep who you want at any time. I only associate with people that do not mistreat me. I was NC with my dad until he died. He treated me like shit, so one day I refused to give him the time of day.
    
    My ex was also horribly abusive to me. When I decided “no more,” he got no special treatment from me either. I got a restraining order against him, like I would for anyone that would try to physically harm me.
    
    Holding on to the past and keeping score isn’t helpful for you. It’s ok to remember it as the reason why you wouldn’t talk to them (or gray rock if you must still associate), but to wish the score was settled? It is a burden on you. Treat yourself with the dignity you deserve, let it go, and heal.
    
    It is not easy, but you are worth this work.
    
    I realize that you see things that planted this seed in your head. I am telling you, that is not really the root of your issue.
    
    What does matter? The people that you do choose. The things YOU decide are important.
    
    Believe me, I know this. I have been mistreated for my childhood and early adulthood. I always wondered what I did to deserve it. Truth of the matter is, I was never likely to find the answer. I could spend a whole lifetime wondering, and for what? I just chalked it up to other people sucking. The way they treated me isn’t a reflection of me, it speaks more to their own shortcomings. I still get mad at how they treated me sometimes, it’s not perfect. But it has made my life a whole lot happier when I let this go. It’s time for you, too.
    
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Flamekebab@piefed.social ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
At least for me, not for a second. I have distinctive physical traits from my father.

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Greg@lemmy.ca ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Do you have a birth certificate? Do you have access to a mental health professional?

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- DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  Do you have a birth certificate?
  
  Memories are fuzzy, but I should have one, since the N-600 required it.
  
  That said tho, birth certificates don’t exactly prove much, other than that I legally exist. I mean, what if that birth certificate was issued in the name of a deceased person? What if, hypothetically speaking, if these aren’t my biological parents, and their original kid died, and they kidnapped me as a weird parental desire to fill in their now-dead child’s place, used as like a sort of bandaid over their grief or something?
  
  Idk maybe I read too much fucked up news stories or watch too many tv drama.
  
  Do you have access to a mental health professional?
  
  And no, I got a bunch of referrals but sort of procrastinated. I should probably schedule an appointment, this depression headache is killing me.
  
  I don’t have a driver license so I need my parents to drive me to doctors visits. Unless I’m gonna waste like $30 on Uber every trip, which I don’t have the luxury of. And I absolutely cannot do public transit, tooo many people. My parents (if they even are my parents, that is) are busy all the time. I’m too broke, and I need them be with me to get them to pay the copays.
  
  Oh fuck, ever since I stopped taking antidepressants, my thoughts just go fucking wild.
  
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  - Greg@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago
    It must be tough, these sounds like pretty intense feelings and thoughts. Have you considered remote mental health options? I’ve used them in the past and found them useful
    
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  - Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    My dude, you should not stop taking those meds.
    
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FriendOfDeSoto@startrek.website ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Has anyone ever doubted their parents are their parents? Most teenagers about their biological parents during puberty.

Is it possible that you were abducted after running away? Yes. Is it very likely? No. These cases are rare but get lots of news coverage.

If you’re under 40, the lack of pictures of your childhood could be conspicuous. Most parents document the progress of their kids and after the advent of digital photography there should be lots of evidence to put your mind at ease.

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- DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  get lots of news coverage
  
  For context, this was when I was in mainland China, they didn’t do Amber Alerts or really have a lot of new coverage. I don’t think they would go out of their way to tell the public about it, “face” culture and all, it looks bad if these things get reported often. Kidnapping allegedly happened a lot in China, because fertility issues and One Child Policy. I remember my mother warning me about it, but I can’t be certain if that was before or after that incident.
  
  If you’re under 40, the lack of pictures of your childhood could be conspicuous.
  
  I do have childhood pictures, but I really can’t tell if its really me in the picture. It’s not like I remember what I looked like.
  
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  - FriendOfDeSoto@startrek.website ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Machine learning is so good now that it can ID your face as a baby as well. Not always, but with enough pictures you’ll reach statistical certainty.
    
    Other than that you could maybe test DNAs. On a less invasive level, if you know your blood type, you could ask your parents for theirs and see if that makes sense.
    
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- LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I would find it more likely the hospital fucked up and you got the wrong baby from the icu. As entering/post leaving said hospital there has always been a paper trail. Records they checked in, record of baby born, and birth certificate. Also birth certificates have changed a bit here, so if you look at your original birth certificate the listed parents had social security numbers listed, when you order a replacement they do not. Guessing a lot of people were worried about family matters stealing identities or something. If I didn’t have said birth certificate, I couldn’t get a driver’s license or anything else really, so unless they faked one well enough and changed records in the hospitals, it’s a very low chance I was stolen. Now the number of men who are lied to about being the father is higher than that, and there are some rare cases of having someone else sign a birth certificate that isn’t the biological father. I have known someone who lied to her ex about how long into a pregnancy she was, and had her new partner sign the birth certificate as the father to get legal paternal rights. (Obviously a shit show when the biological father finds out).
  
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  - DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I was born in Mainland China, birth certificate would’ve been a lot easier to forge, if someone just bribed the right person.
    
    Speaking of this topic: I remember watching a HK TV drama and one of the plot points was the villain’s backstory was because he got swapped as a baby by a midwife who got bribed for it, so dude grew up, finding about the childhood he could’ve had, so he wanted revenge and killed the midwife, when he later became an adult. There are also mainland China TV shows about some kid got lost as a kid, and was actually used to be from a wealthy family.
    
    (These TV drama plots are wild, I know right)
    
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IWW4@lemmy.zip ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I was not raised by my biological father so I have never put any stock in the notion that you have to sire a child to be its parent.

So no,

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Kolanaki@pawb.social ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Thought about it sometimes as a kid. But eventually I started to look exactly like my dad.

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zxqwas@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
No. A picture of me and my father from when we were kids should dispell any such suspicions.

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- DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I read a story about somewhere in the US, like back in the 1900s before modern genetics, that some rich family lost their child, and another poor family had a look-alike, so the rich family claimed it and of course everyone sided with the rich family. But modern genetics reveal that it wasn’t their real child.
  
  Even with photos, practically every kid looks the same, I can’t even be certain if those photos are me or not.
  
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Buffalox@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
For me I have a brother, and the family resemblance for both of us to our father is pretty obvious.
I also have never detected any inconsistencies in anything my parents have told me about when I and my brother were little.

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Qwel@sopuli.xyz ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I did, and shrugged it off

for me this is the same kind of questions as “maybe the universe was created 5 seconds ago”. It’s impossible to resolve, and doesn’t change anything

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- DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Not impossible, I could ask for a DNA test, but that’s gonna be really awkward and they might end up disinheriting me for being “disrespectful” even if they were my biological parents.
  
  It does change something, if its a match, then I have one less obessive thoughts to worry about.
  
  But if it comes out not a match… yea that’s gonna be a problem. My legal status, US Citizenship, could be at stake, since I obtained it via derivation.
  
  But I can’t get over the OCD over these thougths… ugh…
  
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  - Qwel@sopuli.xyz ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    They might disinherit you for being disrespectful? That’s insane. Did they threaten you to do that? If the relation is that bad I can understand why you would care. My parents would just think I’m being weird.
    
    I hadn’t thought about a DNA test, but I definitely don’t see how it could help me with my life. If it comes positive, nothing changes. If it comes negative, I don’t see the administration doing anything about it. They won’t even know you passed a test, even if they had procedures for these cases. You or your parents would need to bring up the issue in a legal procedure for the administration to consider it.
    
    What I mean is that if you have issues with your parents or tutors, knowing what they are exactly does not fix the issues by itself (surely there is a better angle to think about it?). I understand that you would think about it, but if you don’t like thinking about it, I think you usually don’t need to invest yourself into it. Like, you can keep the obsessive thought without worrying about it. And that will make it stop over time. I don’t know how much sense this makes, it made sense to me back then :shrug:
    
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davidagain@lemmy.world ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Definitely, but then thirty years later, I look just like my uncles, and my daughters are starting to look more and more like their auntie and I stopped worrying about it all.

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- DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Lol, that display name. [Log In] | [Sign Up]
  
  Its reminds me of those old websites that don’t even have javascript yet and didn’t have a fancy “Log In” button.
  
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A_norny_mousse@feddit.org ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Yes, it’s normal.

Seriously, books have been written about this. Stories I mean, but probably also some sort of analysis.

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Spacehooks@reddthat.com ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Never occurred to me in serious thoughts but could you do a DNA test to find out?

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- DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  How do I just discreetly grab a sample? Yank some hair from them while they’re asleep? Does hair even show DNA?
  
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  - Spacehooks@reddthat.com ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Different methods all none invasive but check with kit first. For example getting old tooth brush or hair from brush. Could also bring it up in conversation see how they react. Like thinking ancestry test. If they panic you know something is up.
    
    Can hair specimens be used for all parties involved with my DNA test? Yes. It is possible to submit hairs samples for two or more people involved with your Hair DNA Test.
    
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celeste@kbin.earth ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I always looked too much like my parents, but your concern sounds like something worth addressing. Would a dna test help?

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