Are dating apps really as bad as people say?

Submitted ⁨⁨23⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨chilliest@reddthat.com⁩ to ⁨nostupidquestions@lemmy.world⁩

I’m a 54-year-old man, recently separated from my wife of 31 years - just earlier this month. Honestly, I’m already feeling bored and lonely, so I’ve been considering trying out dating apps (I’ve never used one before). However, my sons (30 and 28) tell me it’s a waste of time and possibly even a scam, and I’ve seen similar opinions online. So I’m not sure what to think.

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LanguageIsCool@lemmy.world ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
They’re pretty bad but you can get lucky. I had a long-ish relationship come out of them. I’ve had a ton of long term flirts that came out of them. It’s fun and nice to flirt with people slowly and every once in a while for like 5+ years lol

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bieren@lemmy.zip ⁨18⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Don’t forget. The vast majority of those real ones are hookers or OF “models” or some dude sitting in Asia pretending to be a woman

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- surewhynotlem@lemmy.world ⁨18⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Source?
  
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  - bieren@lemmy.zip ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Call it user experience. I also forgot to mention the latest trend, AI bots. Or, how a large portion of the profiles you see are from inactive accounts. And, I have suspicions even deleted accounts.
    
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Brutticus@midwest.social ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I’m 35, Ive been using them since they were new, around 21 until right around the pandemic, so around when I turned 30. My impression is that they have gone downhill a lot. I don’t consider myself a very handsome man, but I’m pretty well read and I have a lot of hobbies and I can hold a conversation. Early on, it was literally just a list of people and profiles. You could start a conversation with anyone, I did pretty well. I would say in this era, (maybe between 2011 and 2014) I would rate OKC the best. Tinder showed up and I gave it a try and I would say its the worst (and remained the worst). The gamification even then was insane. Pay for higher placement. Pay for ‘super likes.’ None of these were guarantees she would reply back or even see it; you could have been throwing your money in a void. Like a skinner box for incels.

I won’t pretend there isn’t a physical dimension to dating; but the way Tinder was set up, it was inevitable it was going to become a “hook up” app. You had the option to post something like 8 pictures and eventually they let you post a short bio, at first it was just a few words (which most people left blank anyway). It was designed to be a meat market. I know people have met their partners there and I am not trying to take that away from anyone but come on guys, that’s not what Tinder is. I honestly had better luck meeting women on 4chan than Tinder. And it doesn’t help now that the Match group has a crushing hold on the entire industry, so the gamification model has basically spread everywhere. All of the things about Tinder in this thread are true; the gender imbalance, the bots, the scammers. I ended up deleting everything in 2020; I had a girl ghost me and everything after that just felt so fake.

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Zwuzelmaus@feddit.org ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
They aren’t bad, they are worse.

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Borknager@lemmynsfw.com ⁨21⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
The apps are awful. Get a hobby and meet some new friends and they have friends etc

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systemglitch@lemmy.world ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Met the love of my life on plenty of fish. Never been happier than these last ten years. 50 now.

It’s not easy finding a decent woman on there though, won’t lie, I struck gold.

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angelmountain@feddit.nl ⁨21⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I met my partner on an app and would not have met them otherwise. It can be a great way to meet interesting people.

I would recommend trying a few and finding one that fits your interests/people in your area use.

Also investigate what the apps do with your data. You are sharing some very personal/sensitive data with them. Make sure they take godo care of it.

I personally like Feeld, because it is great for different kinds of relationships and that fits me well, as well as they seem to take care of my data.

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- rirus@feddit.org ⁨20⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Afaik there are no good Dating apps.
  
  In March 2024, the British cybersecurity company Fortbridge identified several critical security vulnerabilities in the app. These flaws allowed unauthorized third parties to access private messages and photos, edit user profiles, and search preferences and messages. The vulnerabilities’ duration remains unclear. Feeld claimed that the issues were resolved within three months of being identified. Feeld did not directly inform regulators or notify users of the potential breach of their private data, citing an absence of evidence that any data had been accessed.[27] In its report on the investigation, Fortbridge said that six months had passed between their initial disclosure of the vulnerabilities and Feeld’s confirmation that the issues had been patched.
  
  Also feeld has 3 Analytics Libraries included: reports.exodus-privacy.eu.org/en/…/latest/#tracke…
  
  Also most apps require you to upload fotos about yourself.
  
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  - angelmountain@feddit.nl ⁨19⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    You’re right, I’ll retract the recommendation 😉
    
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- AA5B@lemmy.world ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  Also investigate what the apps do with your data…. Make sure they take good care of it.
  
  That’s certainly the biggest reason I never succeeded with online dating. I’ve never been able to get past creating a profile, with all the personal data you’d have to give, and no way to trust any of them with it.
  
  Maybe I’m biased, I knew someone a couple decades ago planning to build an online dating app and he spent most of his time figuring out how to monetize the data
  
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LordWiggle@lemmy.world ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Yes.

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steal_your_face@lemmy.ml ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
My 60 year old dad found a new wife on dating apps. Give it a try.

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nimpnin@sopuli.xyz ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I would say no. While they make the process more superficial and gamify it to the gain of the companies rather than the users, lots of people find partners on dating apps. A quick google reveals that already in 2017 dating apps were the leading way couples originally met.

So I would at least try them, just keep in mind how they work and what the incentives are. And don’t take it personally if you don’t get a lot of matches - that happens to a lot of people. Also I would definitely not pay for a subscription, that’s the scam part.

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ACbHrhMJ@lemmy.world ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
At least give it a while before you try

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peoplebeproblems@midwest.social ⁨18⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
We’re gonna find out.

6 months ago, I’d say yes. No matches at all. But I’ve worked out a lot in those 6 months, and I got better clothes, more comfortable haircuts, new glasses.

Imma have my brother get some photos.

I was recently told by several women that I really shouldn’t have a hard time as long as I don’t take selfies. I make good money, I’m 6’0", I’m white, I got blue eyes, and I have muscle. Im attractive at first glance.

They said I don’t need a perfect anything as long as it looks like I put effort in to appearing good. It’s something about effort and confidence being more attractive than being Henry Cavill. But I also have to learn to stay to my values and not just fall for the first hot woman I get a match with.

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- jjjalljs@ttrpg.network ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  You can be an extremely hot man but if you can’t converse better than “idk lol” and never ask any relevant questions, you’re unlikely to have a good time. People like when potential matches are interested in them.
  
  Your message I’m replying to seems fine, so that’s promising.
  
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