[deleted]

Comments

• Ledericas@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  works for a not bad looking, if attractive person, or a well off user. but probably not if your kinda of average or below that, with little to no money so to speak. because its all vain expectations. at least they are using those dating apps, instead of going to pickup artists, which perpuates misogyny quite alot, even if these groups arnt intentionally doing it.

  source
• last_philosopher@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  As a massive introvert it’s pretty much the only way I meet anybody. I could write a multi-volume treatise on why people hate online dating and how it points to them doing it wrong in some way. But I’ll spare you.

  Just have low expectations - a lot of people treat those they meet on the app as relatively disposable compared to someone they met in real life. So if someone ghosts you or just disappears from the app without a word, it’s definitely impolite but not uncommon. Don’t take it personally (even though my friends tend to take it personally when it happens to them).

  source
• cows_are_underrated@feddit.org ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I used them for maybe 3/4 of a year to one year (dont know exactly) and it was the biggest time waste I have been part of. I usually spent about 1 hour per day swiping all potential partners the app suggested me. I swiped almost everything right, as long as they did not have any obvious red flags or they didnt looked like a person I could be attracted to. I had the radius set to 50km what meant, that I was getting potential partners from 2 larger Citys.

  The result of this about 1 year of using the app was probably like 10 matches, maybe 2 actually good chats that resolved into me having to pull everything out of the others nose in like 3 days. That’s it. No exchanging numbers, no dates nothing. It only made me feel more lonely due to my “obvious incapabilities to attract a partner” (of course not, but that’s what it felt like). There devinetively is a chance of them working (one of my best friends found his GF on a dating app), but that’s like saying “theres a chance to win in the lottery, and it could be you who wins it”. It is not impossible for the apps to work, but for the majority of people dating apps are an absolute scam that are actively hurting you. After realising, what a time waste these apps are I just decided to give up on dating, because there is a zero percent chance of me actually being able to find a partner in real life. I never dated, I dont know how to do it and at this point I honestly do not fucking care. If by some miracle I might get the chance to get into a relationship I won’t say no, but until then I’m fine the way I currently life.

  source

  • last_philosopher@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I swiped almost everything right

    Don’t do this, if this is an input into your app’s algorithm at all it’ll assume you’re ugly and desperate and not show you to anyone. Only swipe on people you’d be at least potentially excited to meet and that could actually work out (e.g. don’t swipe right on someone who’s profile says “I want a man of god” if you’re a hardcore atheist). I shifted to this strategy on hinge and it made a noticeable difference in the number and quality of matches.

    Think about it - if you only swipe right on good matches, they’ll see you and be more likely to swipe right on you. And don’t worry about how their level of attractiveness plays into this, because it’ll be weighted for that.

    source

    • cows_are_underrated@feddit.org ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I devinetively had some principles. Anyone who stated that they are rightwing, believed in some form of conspiracy theories, looked like they just need someone’s money to spend, whose profile looks like whose whole personality is how they look like and people that I simply didnt thought looked attractive did not get a right swipe. This sorted out about 20% or so of the people the Algorithm showed to me. The rest got a right swipe, because they looked somewhat attractive and had no really obvious dealbreakers. They might have some things that I may not really like, but would be willing to overlook (e.g. smoking).

      source
• obey@lemmy.wtf ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  For a bad dancer even his own balls get in the way.

  source
• bigpEE@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  They’re an excellent way to expose yourself to way more people than you would in real life. But the people who’ve been using them for a long time tend to have a warped mindset of very high standards. If they drop the person they’re currently seeing they can line up another date within a week. That’s been my experience in the 20s demographic, but maybe the older crowd is different

  source
• Wahots@pawb.social ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I met some nice people, but had better luck just meeting people naturally in my 20s. I think the reason why dating apps didn’t work is that it’s kinda like job apps online, where there’s just waves of people, and everyone is just kinda putting their resume on their profile. Hard to stand out and meet “real” people among bots/hidden likes/ app design/bad matches.

  Usually these companies make money by having users churn through loads of bad matches and then continually pay for premium.

  I’d recommend joining a club IRL or volunteering, it might be a more organic fit. Friends -> dating can come naturally out of that.

  source
• expr@programming.dev ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I met my wife on a dating app in 2019 on Bumble (28 at the time). It can work, but you have to be willing to sift through a lot of bullshit and be patient. You also need to be able to handle rejection and mistreatment (like getting stood up/ghosted). It’s ultimately a numbers game and it takes time to find someone that is actually right for you.

  I expect it’s probably also not nearly as bad for older age groups. At your age, I think people are going to be a lot more likely to be direct and know what they want.

  My advice is to try it out. Worst case, you decide it’s not for you and try something else.

  source
• ArsonButCute@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Have you ever done Speed Dating? Where you have 5 minute dates and if it goes well you arrange another?

  It’s kinda like that, except it’s presented in the most shallow way possible and wrapped into a skinner box. The apps are so full of bots (usually scammers/phishers) that most of the matches you recieve will be fake. That’s means there’s a little dangerous with every new person you match with while you both figure out if you’re talking to a human or not. Beyond this, the apps are somewhat anonymous in a dangerous way. You don’t know if you’re meeting the person you say you are until they show up in front of you. Sometimes you match with someone and their personality isn’t what they say it is.

  They’re fine, probably just about the worst way to meet someone as a long term partner. I’ve had good luck with hookups on dating apps, but I’ve had the WORST luck actually dating on them.

  source
• Bwaz@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  It can be rough on your head (emotions, ego, attitude). I went to Match at 67, felt a little like back at Jr. High. Announced I’d give up twice, but arter a bit looked back again. My last “what the hell, one more” connection was with my now partner and I’m glad I stayed with it. I don’t know how much was luck. We’ve been together 4 years, sold our houses, bought one together.

  source
• dontbelievethis@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  It’s a waste of time. There is so much technology between you and real people that it is just a exercise in frustration.

  Work on yourself, get a hobby, go to groups that have that hobby as their main thing, there you will find a new mate or someone who will introduce you to your new mate or someone who knows someone who will introduce you to your new mate or…

  Or if you really want to go with apps buy unlimited likes, boost your profile and set up an autoclicker that just accepts everything. If you got a bunch of matches you can ghost the people you don’t want.

  source
• morphballganon@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Your sons are speaking from their experience, which may not be the same as yours.

  source
• Brutticus@midwest.social ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I’m 35, Ive been using them since they were new, around 21 until right around the pandemic, so around when I turned 30. My impression is that they have gone downhill a lot. I don’t consider myself a very handsome man, but I’m pretty well read and I have a lot of hobbies and I can hold a conversation. Early on, it was literally just a list of people and profiles. You could start a conversation with anyone, I did pretty well. I would say in this era, (maybe between 2011 and 2014) I would rate OKC the best. Tinder showed up and I gave it a try and I would say its the worst (and remained the worst). The gamification even then was insane. Pay for higher placement. Pay for ‘super likes.’ None of these were guarantees she would reply back or even see it; you could have been throwing your money in a void. Like a skinner box for incels.

  I won’t pretend there isn’t a physical dimension to dating; but the way Tinder was set up, it was inevitable it was going to become a “hook up” app. You had the option to post something like 8 pictures and eventually they let you post a short bio, at first it was just a few words (which most people left blank anyway). It was designed to be a meat market. I know people have met their partners there and I am not trying to take that away from anyone but come on guys, that’s not what Tinder is. I honestly had better luck meeting women on 4chan than Tinder. And it doesn’t help now that the Match group has a crushing hold on the entire industry, so the gamification model has basically spread everywhere. All of the things about Tinder in this thread are true; the gender imbalance, the bots, the scammers. I ended up deleting everything in 2020; I had a girl ghost me and everything after that just felt so fake.

  source
• steal_your_face@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  My 60 year old dad found a new wife on dating apps. Give it a try.

  source
• deadcatbounce@reddthat.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  To be honest, learn who you are before going on an app or trying to engage for a partner.

  You’ve been together (in perception, at least) a long time and you’re still that married person and it will take time to remember who you are without that other person, regardless of whether you were a functioning couple or two people in the same house.

  The loneliness is just the transition sinking in.

  I’m a couple years older than you.

  source
• daniskarma@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  It depends.

  Those apps rely a lot on your physical appearance, and how good you look in a photograph.

  And if you are interested in dating women you’ll have a harder time than if you try to date men.

  As a bisexual person every time I open a dating app I have hundreds of likes from men, and barely one or two from women.

  source
• ImminentOrbit@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I used bumble and found my now wife. My advice is to do it like a background task while you are also doing other things, so you’re not desperate you can evaluate people there better.

  source
• recall519@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I’ve heard it’s actually pretty good for 40yo+ people. The app isn’t the main problem, it’s the people.

  source
• meekah@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Its not a total scam, I know some couples who met on dating apps. However, be aware that as a man your choice is limited. There are about 10 men for every woman on dating apps.

  It can work, but honestly I think its easier to get to know people when I’m out and about. This depends on how outgoing you are, though, of course.

  source

  • AA5B@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    That’s the problem for those of us less outgoing, those of us whose hobbies are solitary

    source
• LordWiggle@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Yes.

  source
• systemglitch@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Met the love of my life on plenty of fish. Never been happier than these last ten years. 50 now.

  It’s not easy finding a decent woman on there though, won’t lie, I struck gold.

  source
• jjjalljs@ttrpg.network ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Yes and no. Capitalism has lead to shitty experiences for users, but also users self sabotage. It is possible to find success for free, but you’ll probably need to spend time and effort on it.

  On the one hand, they are capitalist shit holes. They want to make money, not find you a partner. There’s not enough competition (match group owns a lot of different apps). Those are big factors in why they suck. They’re going to keep asking you to pay for more, and there’s no competition to drive down prices or force innovation. This absolutely sucks and should be changed, but good luck getting the current US government to do anything good.

  The other problem is many users are frankly bad at using the apps. They have a blank profile, or one that has no hooks. When they get a message, they dead end the conversation instead of engaging. They ghost.

  Don’t be like that. Don’t send generic messages. Have a profile that funnels people into interesting stuff you want to talk about. When the app has a space to write your hobbies, do not write “lol I dunno”. That’s stupid and self sabotage. Write something (true) that gives people an entry point to talk to you. “I really like making pizza! I’m working on perfecting a stuffed crust recipe” is basic but gives them something to talk about. Many people fuck this up and then are like “why does no one send me interesting messages??”. They don’t know you. If you don’t present anything interesting, they’re not going to know.

  Once you have the conversation going, ask them out. I’ve heard many people complain about this problem. Guys will match and then text and text and text for days or weeks, and never ask them out. Then they complain “I never get a date!”. Self sabotage. Match, ask a question about their profile, have one or two exchanges, clear any deal breakers (eg: if you’re divorced or have kids), then ask them out. That’s it. That’s the game. People fuck this up and blame the apps.

  You don’t need to be mega good looking. That’s just a bullshit self comforting excuse. I used to have a horrible cave man beard and none of my clothing fit right. Still got dates. The bar for men is in hell. If you can converse, be kind, and pay attention to them you’re already ahead of the curve. Getting a good hair cut, clothes that fit, and a good photo helps, but do not think you are immutably unattractive. That’s nonsense.

  Your location matters a lot more. If you live in bumblefuck, Wisconsin, where there are 23 people in your age and gender range, you’re going to have a bad time. There’s a special place in hell for people who lie on their profile, though. Don’t say you live in New York when you “might move there some day” or commute in for work.

  I never paid for the apps. When I’d use them every day, I could typically get a date a week. Some were just the one date, some lasted weeks, and a couple lasted longer. I’m about 40 and largely unremarkable. You have to put time and effort in. Every day, go through profiles and send quality messages. Most will go nowhere. Don’t be discouraged.

  source
• FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  It depends on what you want.

  If all you’re looking for is casual sex, they’re pretty great. If you’re looking for love, you’d do well to search for it in a more organic way.

  source

  • atlien51@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    He’s just separated from someone he’s been with for 31 years. Probably thought it was gonna last forever.

    Might not be looking for the same thing again lmao

    source

    • FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Time to sow the royal oats, no doubt.

      source
• reactionality@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Grindr is great. No complaints.

  source
• peoplebeproblems@midwest.social ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  We’re gonna find out.

  6 months ago, I’d say yes. No matches at all. But I’ve worked out a lot in those 6 months, and I got better clothes, more comfortable haircuts, new glasses.

  Imma have my brother get some photos.

  I was recently told by several women that I really shouldn’t have a hard time as long as I don’t take selfies. I make good money, I’m 6’0", I’m white, I got blue eyes, and I have muscle. Im attractive at first glance.

  They said I don’t need a perfect anything as long as it looks like I put effort in to appearing good. It’s something about effort and confidence being more attractive than being Henry Cavill. But I also have to learn to stay to my values and not just fall for the first hot woman I get a match with.

  source

  • jjjalljs@ttrpg.network ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    You can be an extremely hot man but if you can’t converse better than “idk lol” and never ask any relevant questions, you’re unlikely to have a good time. People like when potential matches are interested in them.

    Your message I’m replying to seems fine, so that’s promising.

    source
• TheRealLinga@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I met my wife on… drumroll… FACEBOOK DATING yes I understand if anyone finds that hard to believe. But I think their dating service is fairly new (at least it was 4 years ago) and it didn’t charge me like other dating apps I’ve tried. My dad also found a his wife online, as well as 2 of my uncles. At least three of the four of us also went out socially and met women that way, just ended up trying out the online thing for shits n giggles and found success!

  My advice would be to try stuff out for yourself! Just don’t expect to get a hit immediately. Using dating services takes a bit of a learning curve. You got this

  source
• Quicky@piefed.social ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  They absolutely do work, and I can’t recommend them enough - this is coming from a male mid-40s divorcee. I was on and off Tinder for 4 years looking for a relationship and met several women, before finally meeting my soul mate. For somebody like me who isn’t the most outgoing person, they were a godsend in terms of meeting people. Some of the negativity in these responses is wild.

  They’re a relaxed, accessible mechanism for starting conversations. Yes, there’s incentive for the companies to keep you on the apps but it’s certainly not forced, because if they didn’t ever work, their incentive for use evaporates.

  I am 100% of the opinion that people who have limited luck on dating apps are likely to have the same limited luck in real life. It’s just that the apps present you with multiple “opportunities” in succession that you don’t get in real life, so it could feel like constant rejection for some. If you match with a real person and start a conversation that goes nowhere, that’s down to yours or their communication, or a simple incompatibility. Both parties have already shown an interest at the point of matching. Where goes from there is down to you.

  It’s entirely a numbers game. You can’t expect to hit it off with every person you match with online, any more than you could in real life. But you will find someone that you otherwise wouldn’t get the chance to meet through other circumstances.

  source

  • exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    A lot of young people don’t realize just how difficult post-school dating was before online dating. Once we exhausted the pool of 5-10 single people who were friends of friends, that was basically it. We’d have to go find strangers at the bar.

    That conditioned everyone to be slightly more willing to settle for less perfect matches, knowing that there wasn’t necessarily a replacement available. That could be a good thing (people more likely to have the patience to let a spark develop) or a bad thing (a higher percentage of couples who just resented each other).

    I can see an argument that things were better before online dating for some subset of people. But having lived that period, I can say from experience that it wasn’t easy then, either. And for someone like me, who is a better writer than I am a speaker, especially over the phone, the rise of text-based communication was helpful for navigating the early stages of relationships when that became the norm.

    source
• bieren@lemmy.zip ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Don’t forget. The vast majority of those real ones are hookers or OF “models” or some dude sitting in Asia pretending to be a woman

  source

  • surewhynotlem@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Source?

    source

    • bieren@lemmy.zip ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Call it user experience. I also forgot to mention the latest trend, AI bots. Or, how a large portion of the profiles you see are from inactive accounts. And, I have suspicions even deleted accounts.

      source

      • -> View More Comments
• sir_pronoun@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Haha so many people here getting 0 matches

  source

  • protist@mander.xyz ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    For real. Matches have much less to do with appearance or age than they do with bad profiles, poor chatting skills, or unpleasant personality traits

    source

    • daniskarma@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      How are matches related to chatting skills? you chat AFTER your match.

      source

      • -> View More Comments
• ptc075@lemmy.zip ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Depends on your expectations. Realize there’s roughly 3-4 guys for every girl. If you don’t standout in some way it will be a very quiet experience outside of the initial joining period (and immediately after the subscription ends if you paid).

  Just remember, companies exist to make money. If you’re using the app for free, you’re not the customer, you’re the product.

  source