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Two adults dating is not a problem
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Submitted 10 months ago by fabulous@feddit.uk to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Comments
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Stabbitha@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Friend of mine was in a similar situation. One day she said something to him that made him realize he was literally the only person who cared about the age difference.
3dmvr@lemm.ee 9 months ago
Itd only be an issue if your daughter cared, past 25 I don’t see why ppl think it’s grooming, most ppls personalities are done baking at 18, sure some ppl grow and mature after that but how many really change at the same rate they do while going to college, some ppl at 30 are way more mature than others, just depends on life experiences, I’ve been thinking about this because I feel like ive stagnated, was growing every year and now its just been 3 years of the same, while ik some ppl that still travel alot, do something new every week and they’re definitely different ppl, have just grown to another point in life.
3dmvr@lemm.ee 9 months ago
for context im 25 and moved back home post college, its pretty much hyperspeed to the grave
GreenKnight23@lemmy.world 9 months ago
don’t sweat it. you’re both adults with life experience that is both greater than and equal to.
enjoy the date and be sure to be respectful and treat them as an equal. you can figure out who they are along the way 😉
viking@infosec.pub 9 months ago
Age is just a number. Who cares.
AnnaFrankfurter@lemmy.ml 9 months ago
FBI. OPEN UP.
ilinamorato@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Creepy? No, probably not, but it does present some potential problems: You probably don’t have a whole lot of things in common at this point. You might not be particularly compatible with regard to your friend groups or your desires for your future. You are in a situation where it’s going to be difficult to get on the same level. These are not insurmountable obstacles, but they are potential obstacles.
That said, if you and she are both okay with it—and your daughter, who is clearly someone whose opinion you care about—then have a great time! Don’t have high expectations, but enjoy yourself and see what happens.
letsgo@lemm.ee 9 months ago
There’s only one person whose opinion on that matters, and she’s aged 30. And maybe your daughter too, but she set it up so that’s unlikely.
You can always find a bunch of weirdos on the internet who’ll be offended at you, no matter who you are or what you do, so it’s never a good idea to not do stuff just because of that.
If you’re worried if you ARE a creep then I’d suggest plugging “what it means to be a creep” or “what is a creep” into your favourite search engine and make sure your regular habits exclude whatever you find. Use several sources, not just the first you find, because not everything on the internet is true.
Angelusz@lemmy.world 9 months ago
To some people yes, to many people no.
Just be respectful, kind and considerate. She’s an adult.
fabulous@feddit.uk 9 months ago
[deleted]MiyamotoKnows@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Come what may.
I want to pretend this is spicy confident British tongue in cheek inuendo. 🤔
destructdisc@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Yes. Don’t do that. Go for someone in their mid to late 30s
viking@infosec.pub 9 months ago
They are adults, let them figure it our for themselves.
ghen@sh.itjust.works 9 months ago
Half plus 7 rule
51/2+7=32.5
Op is only slightly creepy
Ledericas@lemm.ee 9 months ago
I had a friend that was dating someone 17years her senior, the mom was not happy , was quite upset about it. She said he’s almost as old as she is. Most people will do 5 years at the most
Birch@sh.itjust.works 9 months ago
Go get her tiger
Talonflame@lemmy.cafe 9 months ago
No, you do you
XeroxCool@lemmy.world 9 months ago
I wouldn’t find it creepy, though I probably wouldn’t mask my surprise well if I heard about it. My parents are 18 years apart. There are some social differences but at some point, they must have liked each other enough. They also have differing interests. They’re free to do their own thing (my dad stays home my mom travels the world). But, they’re not a great match anymore (I have to believe they used to be). All of this has combined into a strenuous situation where my mom is planning for her retirement freedom while my dad is probably headed to some kind of assisted living because she’s not going to stay home as a servant. I hate to be a downer about a relationship that hasn’t even started, but I think it’s important to consider this aspect before things get serious
Melvin_Ferd@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Fucking legend
GhostTheToast@lemmy.world 9 months ago
The rule I always heard was older_age/2+7. In this case, 51 would give you a rough range of 32-88.
30 might be a little weird, but just depends how you guys gel
HexesofVexes@lemmy.world 9 months ago
The big issues with age gaps is mostly down to protective probability. By 30 most folks are experienced enough at life to make up their own mind.
Hope it goes well for you both!
RBWells@lemmy.world 9 months ago
I would personally be squicked out by that age gap because she’s young enough to be your kid. But I’m not you or her, it’s not my business, right? If your daughter thinks she’ll be good for you, the reverse matchmaking is funny, why not at least meet and see how you feel?
Adderbox76@lemmy.ca 9 months ago
Past 30, age is less about biology and more sociology.
I’m a 49 year old male. But I’m divorced, no kids. Still living a bachelor life quite happily while most guys close to my age are married with the kids and coaching soccer on weekends in a minivan. As a result, my friend group almost exclusively skews younger because those are the people who are in the same stage of life as I am (regardless of biological age).
The same works for relationships. Past a certain point it doesn’t matter how old you are, as long as your sociological age is compatible. (Ie. Your way of life)
nyamlae@lemmy.world 9 months ago
the same stage of life as I am
I would say they are living the same type of life as you, not the same stage. Life doesn’t have stages once you’re an adult. There are just common activities, and nothing more.
ilinamorato@lemmy.world 9 months ago
Life definitely can have stages once you’re an adult. Relationships (married/divorced/remarried), family (babies/kids/teenagers/adults), work (entry level/senior/management/retirement). Think about if you’re on the other side of a big party than the other person; then you’re probably on different life stages. Not all of them are weird to date between, but most of them are weird to date across big differences.
blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 9 months ago
Reminds me how Hank’s dad in King of the Hill remarried one of Hank’s kindergarten classmates.
Also why Roger Moore quit being Bond. “They kept hiring women to play opposite me young enough to be my granddaughter. Frankly, it was disgusting.”
That said, you’re both adults. As long as it doesn’t feel awkward or controlly to either of you, give it a shot.
surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Only kinda. You’re potentially at VERY different life stages. She might be at the “I want kids and to start a family” stage. You’re in the “well at least I have one good knee still” phase.
So it might work, but unless you can change diapers and carry toddlers, it might not.
doorknob@lemm.ee 9 months ago
Fuck, I’m in my 20s and in the “well at least I have one good knee still” phase.
MTK@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Past 30 age is meaningless as long as both sides are happy.
Would a 80 yo with a 30 yo be weird? Yeah, would it be wrong?
50 and 30 is unusual but definitely okay.
peaceful_world_view@lemmy.world 10 months ago
No
Noel_Skum@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
Ignore what randos on the web say - the opinions of only two people matter. You and her. Good luck; however it works out.
flightyhobler@lemmy.world 10 months ago
You’re good. Just make sure you stock up on Viagra if things go well. You should get in shape fairly quick, too.
BCsven@lemmy.ca 9 months ago
Viagra at 51? No.
flightyhobler@lemmy.world 9 months ago
That will depend mostly on her, not him.
VitoRobles@lemmy.today 10 months ago
30yo kind of have their lives together.
Have a coffee. Just chat like people. Expand your network. The worse that can happen is you shut it down.
From my own perspective, there will be a generational gap. I’m 40, and I can connect with someone around that age. But lower than 30 or older than 45, the connection is platonic.
ikidd@lemmy.world 10 months ago
If it gets serious, make sure she knows you’ll be dying probably 30 years ahead of her.
SRo@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 months ago
lol Americans
Gigdragon@lemmy.world 10 months ago
There is the concept of a rolling age gap. As perspective partners get older, the age gap grows.
Example. A 16 and 17 year old? Nobody blinks. 16 and 18? You have eyes in yah. 16 to 19, likely to get icked. 17 to 19? You have eyes in your. 18 to 20? Nobody cares. 18 to 21?
Like a 25yr old and a 30 yr old? See what I mean? The further you get from 18, the wider the acceptable gap of ages is.
MutilationWave@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 months ago
Age divided by two plus seven scales well.
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 months ago
No. Most people don’t care about that age gap.
Though, if there’s a clear power imbalance in a way thats exploitative, that could be a problem.
20 years is worthy of other conversations though. Considerations about genuineness, compatibility, and practicality do arise, but those are all personal and situational.
If you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t have to do it. But, being lonely is super toxic for us and I opine that your daughter’s heart is in the right place.