Why does Pinocchio want to turn into a school?
Papa I'm scared
Submitted 2 months ago by SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com to [deleted]
https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/pictrs/image/b6110306-d7a8-4c80-af4a-13ca4f5ad086.webp
Comments
Worx@lemmynsfw.com 2 months ago
SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Wants to reform education. He’s been concerned about recent reports of attention disorders in kids
criss_cross@lemmy.world 2 months ago
He wants to be filled with kids.
wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Oh, carry o… wait a minute
AlecSadler@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Technically he wants to be a real boy? Doesn’t seem as horror as I first thought.
FelixCress@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Spot on 😂
original_reader@lemm.ee 2 months ago
In case anyone wonders if Lemmy has such a venture:
!twosentencehorror@lemmy.ml
Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 2 months ago
Haha, Pinocchio are lots of wood.
A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Could’ve been one sentence.
tyler@programming.dev 2 months ago
I think one sentence makes it hit less hard. It’s more surprising with two sentences, and the “sly eyes” and the paragraph break help with it.
Trimatrix@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Failed too efficient. Technically a one sentence horror story now. DQd until revised.
match@pawb.social 2 months ago
“and then a ghost popped out!!!”
Gullible@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
It needs the pause for processing. In a story, yours is preferable. In extreme short form online storytelling, it needs to completely set the stage for the majority of the literary diaspora in those communities to be able to digest it.
Paradachshund@lemmy.today 2 months ago
I think you’ve improved it a lot, but it loses a little punch with a single sentence in my opinion. I would do:
Zozano@aussie.zone 2 months ago
IMO, the second sentence feels like it’s cut off because I’m expecting an adjective at least, like:
He gazed toward the elementary school with a glint in his eye.
Or,
He gazed towards the elementary school and muttered ‘I wouldn’t hurt them’, as his nose began to grow.
Jarix@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Not better
chatokun@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
♪OK then I’m a legal aid, Erin Brockovich is my name♪
Brainsploosh@lemmy.world 2 months ago
“You are what you eat” the Blue Fairy’s wisdom echoed, as Pinocchios gaze turned towards the elementary school.
Uli@sopuli.xyz 2 months ago
Vonnegut is my favorite, the one I model my own writing style after. Galopagos is my jam.