Why does Pinocchio want to turn into a school?
Papa I'm scared
Submitted 1 month ago by SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com to [deleted]
https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/pictrs/image/b6110306-d7a8-4c80-af4a-13ca4f5ad086.webp
Comments
Worx@lemmynsfw.com 1 month ago
SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
Wants to reform education. He’s been concerned about recent reports of attention disorders in kids
criss_cross@lemmy.world 1 month ago
He wants to be filled with kids.
wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Oh, carry o… wait a minute
AlecSadler@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
Technically he wants to be a real boy? Doesn’t seem as horror as I first thought.
FelixCress@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Spot on 😂
original_reader@lemm.ee 1 month ago
In case anyone wonders if Lemmy has such a venture:
!twosentencehorror@lemmy.ml
Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 1 month ago
Haha, Pinocchio are lots of wood.
A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Could’ve been one sentence.
tyler@programming.dev 1 month ago
I think one sentence makes it hit less hard. It’s more surprising with two sentences, and the “sly eyes” and the paragraph break help with it.
Trimatrix@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Failed too efficient. Technically a one sentence horror story now. DQd until revised.
match@pawb.social 1 month ago
“and then a ghost popped out!!!”
Gullible@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
It needs the pause for processing. In a story, yours is preferable. In extreme short form online storytelling, it needs to completely set the stage for the majority of the literary diaspora in those communities to be able to digest it.
Paradachshund@lemmy.today 1 month ago
I think you’ve improved it a lot, but it loses a little punch with a single sentence in my opinion. I would do:
Zozano@aussie.zone 1 month ago
IMO, the second sentence feels like it’s cut off because I’m expecting an adjective at least, like:
He gazed toward the elementary school with a glint in his eye.
Or,
He gazed towards the elementary school and muttered ‘I wouldn’t hurt them’, as his nose began to grow.
Jarix@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Not better
chatokun@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
♪OK then I’m a legal aid, Erin Brockovich is my name♪
Brainsploosh@lemmy.world 1 month ago
“You are what you eat” the Blue Fairy’s wisdom echoed, as Pinocchios gaze turned towards the elementary school.
Uli@sopuli.xyz 1 month ago
Vonnegut is my favorite, the one I model my own writing style after. Galopagos is my jam.