It’s what babies crave!
Catholic 'media ministry' defrocks AWOL AI priest after it told faithful you can baptise babies in Gatorade and that, sure, it can totally perform your wedding
Submitted 2 weeks ago by FlyingSquid@lemmy.world to technology@lemmy.world
Comments
gregorum@lemm.ee 2 weeks ago
Rentlar@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Father Justin, will you trade my 25 Diplomatic Favour for 20 horses please?
gregorum@lemm.ee 2 weeks ago
Father Justin agrees, then sends Apostles to each of your cities and coverts them.
NOT_RICK@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Lol, it does have that vibe
Son_of_dad@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Didn’t molest any kids, making him the best clergy member in the church.
TheDarksteel94@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
You don’t know that, he could’ve sent some kids AI generated nudes.
Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social 2 weeks ago
The Electric Monk was a labour-saving device, like a dishwasher or a video recorder. Dishwashers washed tedious dishes for you, thus saving you the bother of washing them yourself, video recorders watched tedious television for you, thus saving you the bother of looking at it yourself; Electric Monks believed things for you, thus saving you what was becoming an increasingly onerous task, that of believing all the things the world expected you to believe.
Unfortunately this Electric Monk had developed a fault, and had started to believe all kinds of things, more or less at random. It was even beginning to believe things they’d have difficulty believing in Salt Lake City. It had never heard of Salt Lake City, of course. Nor had it ever heard of a quingigillion, which was roughly the number of miles between this valley and the Great Salt Lake of Utah.
leftzero@lemmynsfw.com 2 weeks ago
Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency, Douglas Adams, 1987, in case anyone was wondering.
Sizzler@slrpnk.net 2 weeks ago
I was always in two minds of the TV series, good characters but a poor interpretation.
Deconceptualist@lemm.ee 2 weeks ago
If a Catholic AI won’t officiate my wedding, at least Taco Bell will host it. So we’re still not far from Idiocracy!
CookieOfFortune@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
It has made my day that this Taco Bell Wedding exists and that it is $50,000/hour for 25 guests and all you get is Flora Pop.
Sanctus@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
You can also borrow a sauce pack bouquet
Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
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Does AWOL mean something other than “Absent without leave”? Cuz that’s a weird way to describe a computer algorithm.
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…aight so I’m definitely not a theologist, but… according to christianity, or catholocism specifically… is there actually any rule against using gatorade for a baptism? I’d assume it just says “water”, but there’s water in gatorade. Sure there’s also other shit in gatorade, but there’s other shit in tap water too. Even distilled water isn’t going to be 100% pure.
And if gatorade’s cool, where do they draw the line? Could you baptize a baby with honey? Or drop a steak onto the kid’s face (there’s water in those too!). Does it even have to be liquid water? Like what if you just threw some icecubes at the kid, or blasted some steam in its face??
So many questions!
TheOctonaut@mander.xyz 2 weeks ago
It’s not just any water, it’s holy water. If a priest has cast Ceremony to create the holy water on whatever, sure. But why when you probably have liquid water tk hand? God might wonder if it’s very sincere if you’re just basically doing it for a laugh. Might take away your spell slots.
laurelraven@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
Would that make them Oathbreaker Priests? Do they get special abilities for that?
Deconceptualist@lemm.ee 2 weeks ago
is there actually any rule against using gatorade for a baptism?
It’s better, cuz it’s got electrolytes.
Does it even have to be liquid water?
So like, ice X at 60 gigapascals and -120 °C?
Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
It’s better, cuz it’s got electrolytes.
It’s what souls crave!
So like, ice X at 60 gigapascals and -120 °C?
What’s the worse that could happen?
blaue_Fledermaus@mstdn.io 2 weeks ago
@Sterile_Technique
Not catholic, so I don't know their official position, but as I understand, in extreme circumstances any liquid will do.
Part of it involves the idea of "washing", or "being washed", so solid water or water in solids would not count. And also the idea of purification, but many use dirty river water.Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
the idea of “washing”, or “being washed”, so solid water or water in solids would not count.
You could make a solid (HA!) argument for exfoliative percussive removal of debris from the kid’s head via scraping or knocking the nasty-bits free via the holy projectiles.
AlligatorBlizzard@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
There was a picture going around during the pandemic of a religious leader performing a baptism with a super soaker. So, at least in some Christian denominations, that’s totally cool. And if Gatorade is okay…
Can you baptize people with a supersoaker full of piss?
Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
“That’s not piss.”
- Alter boy
emzili@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
To answer your first question, AWOL is also used colloquially to describe people wildly or destructively ignoring the responsibilities of their job. So it’d be an apt descriptor if it was talking about a REAL priest but in this case it’s just flowery wording (presumably for alliteration)
Sizzler@slrpnk.net 2 weeks ago
Think rogue would be a better descriptor.
Vrijgezelopkamers@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I think the writer meant to say ‘gone rogue’ instead of ‘AWOL’. Just poor writing skills.
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jkrtn@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
Christians are remarkably inconsistent about what is natural and good or unnatural and bad.
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
True, although I’m guessing "you can’t baptize someone in Gatorade’ would be something virtually all Christians would think.
palordrolap@kbin.social 2 weeks ago
If my hasty checking is valid, there's nothing in the Bible about holy water. There's holding a baptism, but nothing about holy men blessing water to imbue it with the Holy Spirit.
As such, I assume that any liquid blessed by a priest might be considered holy.
Something something Godly Gatorade, Blessed Baja Blast etc.
myusernameis@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Obviously, it’s gotta be Powerade Mountain Berry Blast or you just damned that person to hell.
roofuskit@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Poorly trained AI if it didn’t realize to be safe in the priesthood you have to go after children.
UltraMagnus0001@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Idiocracy
Murdoc@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Catholic^TM^ brand Holy Baptizer 2000 brought to you by BRANWDO! (The Thirst Mutilator!)
littletranspunk@lemmus.org 2 weeks ago
Obviously you don’t baptism babies in Gatorade, you use Mountain Dew Baja Blast.
These damn simpletons
applepie@kbin.social 2 weeks ago
At least AI can't rape children physically.
Kyrgizion@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Can still groom them online. Don’t give them any ideas.
applepie@kbin.social 2 weeks ago
wow... u aint wrong
Evilcoleslaw@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
What flavors did it deem acceptable? My denomination draws the line at Riptide Rush.
EdibleFriend@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
My denomination only uses riptide rush and we will bomb your fucking church over this
ThePowerOfGeek@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
If Arctic Blitz isn’t one of them, there will be a backlash that makes Vatican II look like a mild disagreement.
RagnarokOnline@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
Church of Glacier Cherry rise up!
foggy@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Why would you draw the line at the best flavor?
nyan@lemmy.cafe 2 weeks ago
Perhaps they want to keep it to drink.
Deconceptualist@lemm.ee 2 weeks ago
ThePowerOfGeek@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
So they are labeling a brand new (and obviously flawed) AI as a priest, but women (who are human beings) still can’t be priests?
Sorry ladies, you’ve now fallen further down the ladder.
Gullible@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Come to think of it, it’s a bit surprising that a more woman-centric sect of Christianity hasn’t risen to any level of prominence in the US. I suppose it’s easier to transition into agnosticism or atheism than to form a belief system, but its absence is still surprising in the modern era. Or is it as simple as demographic shifts and the absence of power during relevant periods? Religion is gradually waning in most of the west, after all. The patriarchy potentially stole The Mome from us, and that’s kinda lame tbh.
ThePowerOfGeek@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I don’t think the vast majority of American Christians are anywhere near ready to accept a Christian denomination founded by and led by women. Which is a shame. I think such a denomination would have some interesting and probably beneficial perspectives to share.
But given how Christianity has been male-led from the very beginning, how it stemmed from another male-led religion, and how engrained into American Christian society it is for women to be docile, obedient child production machines… Yeah, that ain’t happening for a looong time!
macarthur_park@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Is that actually the church’s stance? Like, has the pope ever said this?
whostosay@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
What? Life said this.
phoenixz@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
You’re forgetting child raping pedos in that list, right below the gross sexual habbits. I’d say that one deserves its own category
ThePowerOfGeek@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Yeah I was lumping them into that same category. But you’re right, they probably do deserve their own category.