Submitted 11 hours ago by dulcisima@lemmy.world to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
People giving you trouble cause he’s only 42 haven’t seen how miserably useless some grown men are when it comes to household stuff. I did similar for a while to save up for a house, but in my case he was also an alcoholic so it’s doubly difficult. Having moved out, he’s struggling to feed himself though.
I think caretaker is the right term, though. House-anything is weird sounding, though (housewife for instance is out of favor for more gender neutral terms).
Yeah. Cleaning, cooking, laundry, ironing, shopping, house management stuff, etc. things like that. In my mind, caretaker is automatically linked to disabled people / children (involuntarily).
Umm that's a him problem...
A father should not be expecting such services from his daughter... It will stunt her development.
He is a user. Sure doing her fair share is all fair but no 42 year old man should need a care taker... That's pathetic.
House-Partner?
Though i guess, tbf it would still be uncomfortable if she was considered her dad’s house-partner
The term I am used to is caregiver and I would totally put stuff like that on linkedin or my resume.
Sure. We won’t stop you.
I think the term "homemaker" applies
Nothing has ever gone wrong from treating your daughter like a wife. Nope. Always turns out juuuust fine.
I’ve had this kind of situation in my life, I helped out my mother around the house when I was young and home from school, and I took care of my grandmother when she needed someone in the house. I’m now a stay-at-home mom so I can say I genuinely do get the appeal.
Here are some questions you should ask yourself though, and really consider your answers.
What are your life goals? If you knew you were going to die in a month, what would be the first things that came to mind that you would be sad you didn’t accomplish? Does your current path lead to these things?
What is your plan for when your dad’s current financial situation changes? If he loses his job or business, if he retires, do you have other means of making an independent income or other people in your life you could make similar arrangements with?
Do you have any of your own income, money, or savings tucked away? If something happened between the two of you, do you have options to get out?
What sort of preparation do you have for if something suddenly happened to your dad, like in the event of an accident or heart attack? Are you in his will? On the deed/lease? Do you have a joint bank account? Are you a beneficiary of his life insurance?
Do you want a romantic relationship, partnership, or kids? If so, what steps are you taking to make that happen, and how would that fit in to your current situation?
What sort of social or support network do you have? Do you have friends who would let you stay with them if you needed it? Do you have people in your life you can connect to and who will give you outside perspectives?
Domesticity can be alluring because you’re directly improving the lives of people you love, can make your own schedule, you’re not selling your soul to a corporation etc, but it’s extremely easy for the situation to go bad. There are so many ways people have been trapped, isolated, abused, or suddenly found themselves in changing circumstances that turn a good thing into a personal hell. The day to day of things can make a decade go by before you realize you never took that trip or learned that skill or made that thing.
Don’t just try to make your answers fit your current situation just because change is uncomfortable. If this lifestyle appeals to you there’s nothing wrong with that, just make sure you have your own contingencies. Make plans, make friends, have your own savings.
Is your dad elderly and needs care because of his age? In the US, depending on the state you live in, you could be considered a “family caregiver” and might be able to collect additional benefits. Some states give out a bit of money to these family caregivers if it keeps those elderly people out of the care of the state.
No, he’s 42 - fully abled, healthy and strong. He’s just divorced.
42 - fully abled, healthy and strong.
He’s just divorced.
Fucking LOL!
WTF does a 42 year old man need taking care of?
Get a job and a boyfriend while you are still young.
I guess so ? But that doesn't matter, taking care of your parents is cool 👌
Gonna echo using “caregiver.” It’s commonly used in questionnaires for social health.
Now as a divorced 34 year old with no caregiver, you have no idea how much help it would be to have another pair of hands around the house lol.
The comments that are giving flak- the situation you’re describing isn’t terribly uncommon historically or internationally. Even in cultures where divorce isn’t possible, men still get widowed.
It’s just not described the way you did.
I actually watched a Japanese movie that happened to be related to this: Late Spring (1949).
it seems a little odd but yeah, you seem to fit the bill.
This whole thing sounds problematic
Coupled with their recent micro-miniskirt post, I'm struggling not to believe this account isn't some kind of altright tradwife training kink.
If he’s “able-bodied”, why are you taking care of him? If you’re able-bodied, why is he financially taking care of you? That’s not judgement btw, but you should both have an answer for it…
Is this a temporary situation while one of you (or ideally both) prepare for the next Big Thing? That could be school, exercise, training, dating, moving, founding, socializing, building, improving, etc. But if you’re not doing that, you’re each holding yourself back. As for what to call it, I don’t know, but that’s my unsolicited advice.
Why am I taking care of him? I enjoy it. I love domestic life. When my mom and him divorced, he wanted to hire help - but I said nooo, let me do it. I graduated high school last year and I enjoy this lifestyle. Social life, hobbies, housework… he’s taking care of me because well, firstly he obviously loves me, secondly I’m of great help. I’m having a really great time living like this.
Yeah, but is this a communist parade because that’s a lot of red flags.
I don’t know what a house daughter is, so I can’t answer that.
You’re an adult and so is your father. Have a frank and open discussion about expectations. Be clear about what you do and how long you’ll do it. Your young and have a lot of time, make sure you go out and meet the people who get you and develop some skills that make you shine. I imagine your father wants this for you as well.
I’m glad to hear that the two of you have a loving relationship.
QuoVadisHomines@sh.itjust.works 9 hours ago
You are a caretaker/caregiver