Why do men call their father their "old man", but their "old lady" is their wife?

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• Everythingispenguins@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Because mom is and will always just be mom

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  • Maiq@lemy.lol ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Mother is the word for god on the lips and hearts of little children. ~ William Makepeace Thackeray

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    • intensely_human@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      “mama” is a cross-cultural word for mother. It’s the easiest word for a baby to pronounce.

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    • shalafi@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      TIL that quote didn’t originate from The Crow. Gods I feel dumb.

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  • BeatTakeshi@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    And Darwin

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  • Regna@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    But not all moms/mums are created equal.

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• southsamurai@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  The older usages of it weren’t as bad, supposedly (and I don’t have the access to link a source that’s authoritative without paying) and were generally akin to calling the wife the queen of the house, but also implying that she was more of a dowager queen, and one without power.

  But it eventually just fell into the usual trope of men either dismissing their own feelings by joking about their wife, or expressing the idea that the wife is something you put up with rather than respect and love.

  Now, that first part is important! Using terms that seem derogatory, but are really there to cover up genuine emotion that is untoward for a “real” man has been a thing for a very long time now, so you can’t just assume that any given man using terms like “old lady” or “the old ball-and-chain” are being misogynistic. It’s becoming less common for men to cloak their affection behind dismissive or derogatory terms, but it is still there.

  It’s like when you’re petting your dog and you’re babbling about them being a monster or beast. You love the dog, but you’re using inverted meaning to express it. It’s just that the freedom to babble to your dog about how wonderful they are became more acceptable sooner. Which is a bit of an indictment of the systemic misogyny we live in.

  Anyway, if you compare that to the supposed origins of “old man” to refer to a father in specific (rather than the use to mean a husband/boyfriend which is one use of the phrase), it came from naval usage like so many other neat phrases.

  Is was, and still is, a term used for a Captain or other commanding officer. When it got applied to dads, it was from a similar way of thinking, wherein the father is in command of the household, but it was also an honorific of sorts.

  The reasons for it being used that way in the English and American navies is a whole essay by itself, but that essays are already out there online, so I’m not making this longer by going into it lol.

  Anyway, the tl;dr that’s horribly misleading is: a combination of ageism, patriarchal thinking, and a tinge of misogyny here and there.

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  • Moneo@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Damn this was super informative and really well written.

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    • southsamurai@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Thank you :)

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• AbouBenAdhem@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I think they’re terms men often apply to whichever figure in the household represents the greatest constraint on their freedom.

  If they’re married, that’s their spouse, but if they’re living with their parents in a male-dominated household, it’s their father.

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  • nehal3m@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Funny, I’ve always thought of them as terms of honour. At least that’s why I called my father old man. He called his captain that back when he was a sailor.

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• CosmicCleric@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  but their “old lady” is their wife?

  No married man calls his wife old, not if he ever wants to have sex again with her.

  That, and leaving the toilet seat up.

  ~Anti~ ~Commercial-AI~ ~license~ ~(CC~ ~BY-NC-SA~ ~4.0)~

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  • Worx@lemmynsfw.com ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    “old lady” absolutely is slang for wife. Also “ball and chain” which… yeah…

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    • CosmicCleric@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      “old lady” absolutely is slang for wife.

      I know it exists, but I’ve never used it.

      It sends one hell of a negative signal to your significant other to your dissatisfaction of them, which I’ve never felt for my own wife.

      Also, I was just being more humorous, than literal (hence the toilet seat comment).

      ~Anti~ ~Commercial-AI~ ~license~ ~(CC~ ~BY-NC-SA~ ~4.0)~

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  • illi@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    That, and leaving the toilet seat up

    Toilet seat belongs down - and the lid with it! It’s not only logical, but also just.

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    • CosmicCleric@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Toilet seat belongs down - and the lid with it! It’s not only logical, but also just.

      The thing is, at least in our household, the lid has to stay up.

      I actually thought as you do, as that would be a perfect compromise, both parties would have to work to use the toilet.

      But from what I’m told, is the late night half asleep moments where you forget to put the seat down, and you fall down into the toilet, that is being prevented by making sure the seats always down and the lid is always up.

      It’s a low hanging fruit way of maritial bliss, so I go with it.

      ~Anti~ ~Commercial-AI~ ~license~ ~(CC~ ~BY-NC-SA~ ~4.0)~

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  • sgibson5150@slrpnk.net ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I’ve had this happen to me. I suspect it’s one sad MRA type with a pile of accounts bringing the downvotes. He can sense when I post anything remotely respectful of women because his pee pee hurts. 😆

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    • CosmicCleric@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I’ve had this happen to me. I suspect it’s one sad MRA type with a pile of accounts bringing the downvotes.

      If true, I’d feel really sad for that person, in a go outside and touch grass sort of way.

      Honestly, at this point I expect the large amount of downvotes for anything I post. I’ve had that happen to a post where I just said “Thanks” and nothing else. Its sad, and I’d wish the Lemmy admins would catch that sort of thing more often (understanding that they are volunteers, but still), as it doesn’t make my experience here on Lemmy any better than when I was on Reddit.

      ~Anti~ ~Commercial-AI~ ~license~ ~(CC~ ~BY-NC-SA~ ~4.0)~

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  • pete_the_cat@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Not directly, but when talking to friends, absolutely.

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  • Malfeasant@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    What if your wife already won’t have sex with you? Asking for a friend…

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    • CosmicCleric@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      What if your wife already won’t have sex with you? Asking for a friend…

      I got nothin’.

      ~Anti~ ~Commercial-AI~ ~license~ ~(CC~ ~BY-NC-SA~ ~4.0)~

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• MyTurtleSwimsUpsideDown@fedia.io ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Because Mama ain’t no lady.

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• fiercekitten@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Because it became misused enough from the actual meaning of “mother” that it stuck, and the old “boomer” humor of “haha I hate my spouse but I’m stuck with them” helped it stick.

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• njm1314@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Because subconsciously they want to fuck their mom of course.

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  • CosmicCleric@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Because subconsciously they want to fuck their mom of course.

    That’s a very Oedipus Rex statement.

    ~Anti~ ~Commercial-AI~ ~license~ ~(CC~ ~BY-NC-SA~ ~4.0)~

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• phoneymouse@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  If men had mistresses, the “old lady” was their wife, but their concubines were young ones

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• StaySquared@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Because, “mom” can never be replaced.

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