Is it normal to be really sentimental/upset over a bowl I accidentally smashed? I had it since I was 17 (am 30 now) and my boyfriend was alive back then too.

Submitted ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨Stacyasks@lemmy.cafe⁩ to ⁨nostupidquestions@lemmy.world⁩

Someone in my street keeps harassing me and my family, and I lost my temper 2 days ago and whacked a bunch of things off a shelf. One of the heavier things ended up falling on my soup bowl and smashed a third of it. That specific soup bowl has been discontinued for many years. The manufacturer did make very similar soup bowls just with a different pattern on them, but they’re old and only being sold on places like Ebay. I’m going to take the bowl out of the trash tomorrow and measure it in detail and maybe post it on Facebook to see if anyone has this bowl. I feel like a whole bunch of nice memories have been literally smashed, like that bowl was with me for all that time and I smashed it by accident

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Comments

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y0kai@anarchist.nexus ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
absolutely reasonable, and may be a good excuse to learn kintsugi, if you still have the pieces.

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- Stacyasks@lemmy.cafe ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I have the pieces and I put the pieces together like a jigsaw puzzle. There’s 6 pieces total, and the bowl looks like a fat crescent moon shape broken.
  
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  - VieuxQueb@lemmy.ca ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I love that idea, it would be good to practice on some not important broken bowls first (a good time to therapeutically break stuff if you need some to practice 😜), and the whole process can help mend broken pieces of oneself while creating a prettier bowl that includes the old loved pieces.
    
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Apeman42@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
If you can find all the pieces, have you heard of kintsugi?

If not, it’s a Japanese art of repairing broken ceramics with gold, creating something new and beautiful out of the destruction as the cracks become gold veins running through the piece.

Maybe you could find a craftsman or at least experienced hobbyist in your area who could repair it like that?

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- Stacyasks@lemmy.cafe ⁨21⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Just got what seems like most or all the pieces out of the trash. Nearly all of the part of the plate I put food in is intact so it looks like a very fat crescent moon shape. I have not heard of kintsugi but if there’s any people doing it in my area I’ll give it a go so thanks!
  
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  - Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨20⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Why do you care about people doing it in your area? :D
    
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  - MurrayL@lemmy.world ⁨20⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    You can buy a kit online and do it at home with a guide or video.
    
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BuboScandiacus@mander.xyz ⁨19⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kintsugi

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- Stacyasks@lemmy.cafe ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I’ll do this. Thanks to everyone who mentioned this!
  
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MyTurtleSwimsUpsideDown@fedia.io ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
We don’t get to choose when emotions will take us. This morning I broke down over a Pokémon short because it reminded me someone I love has cancer. They have no connection to Pokémon whatsoever, and I haven’t watched Pokémon in years. It was just a sweet short and it got me going.

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- Cevilia@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨18⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Sorry to hear that. Sod cancer.
  
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- faintwhenfree@lemmus.org ⁨20⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I’m sorry to say this, and I know it’s unpopular opinion, but there are healthier way to deal with emotions than breaking things. I know in your case it’s perfectly valid and normal response. But in OP’s case whacking things off the shelf, we have a choice not to lat emotions take you there. It’s like an addict saying I can’t help but steal for my hit. Its the same thing I can’t help but whack things when I’m angry.
  
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  - MyTurtleSwimsUpsideDown@fedia.io ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    You may misunderstand me. I never said it was healthy to smash things. OP asked if it was normal to get upset over a broken mundane object and I pointed out that we don’t get to choose what triggers us to feel. How you channel the energy of those emotions is another question entirely.
    
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Today@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Sometimes i kiss inanimate objects before i put them in the donation box.

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- mic_check_one_two@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I recently moved, and had to throw away a lot of stuff that I couldn’t reasonably take with me. I was fine for most of it, but got really sentimental over a plant. It was just a dumb plant that was barely clinging to life, but I had it the entire time I lived at my previous place. Throwing that scrappy half-dead plant out felt like throwing away a friend. I literally said goodbye to it at the dumpster.
  
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- XeroxCool@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  Thank them for fulfilling a need… And let them go. Their job is done. The task, complete.
  
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reksas@sopuli.xyz ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
yes

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Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
I totally understand. It’s hard to lose something that means more than it’s retail value.

I don’t think replacing it would help, even if it’s identical, it’s not really YOUR soup bowl. The search will just waste more time and energy obsessing over the soup bowl. Maybe keep a chunk of the broken bowl and put it away in a keepsake box. Next time you go digging for memories, it’ll still have a positive effect.

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TheJesusaurus@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Of course it is. Don’t even second guess yourself. You’re having those feelings either way, you don’t need validation from out here. Grieve your bowl for the lost memories. But they won’t really be lost

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jqubed@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
I don’t know if this is something available where you live, but Replacements, Ltd. may be able to help you. That’s basically why they exist.

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- Stacyasks@lemmy.cafe ⁨20⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Says out of stock but I clicked “find this for me” so fingers crossed I’ll get an email from them if they find it
  
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makeshiftreaper@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
That’s super normal. It’s important to remember objects don’t have any importance behind what we assign to them. If you still value that relationship maybe you can find a way to preserve it physically like the other commenters have suggested or it may be time to acknowledge that portion of your life is over and this can be symbolic closure. I have a beautiful handmade quilt from an ex-girlfriend and I haven’t seen her in almost a decade yet I keep it because the meaning behind it at the time is still important to me

An important thing to remember in these situations: “you cannot control your emotions, but you can control your reaction to them and allow that to shape you in the future”

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- Maeve@kbin.earth ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  
  "you cannot control your emotions, but you can control your reaction to them and allow that to shape you in the future"
  
  ❤️
  
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PissingIntoTheWind@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Ya. Material items hold memories and it can feel like losing someone close to you when that item is lost as well. My uncle gave me my grandfathers class ring after he passed and I carry it with me to every sports game I go to.

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user224@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
I don’t know, but I’d be too. I am even with regular items, honestly, and even with less damages. Like a single small scratch on otherwise pristine surface.

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RavenofDespair@lemmy.ml ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Yes it’s normal We offen have memory’s link to objects. Loseing a object does not mean you weaken the memory, you can do actions linked to the memory or create the same link with New a object like painting the new bowl with that memory in mind like colors or places. Painting good or bad doesn’t matter as long you like. You can also create new memories build on old ones and continue what is important to you.

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db2@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
I like how everyone’s glossing over the last part where the boyfriend is 60% of her age.

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- Stacyasks@lemmy.cafe ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  We were both 19 when he died in an accident. So this bowl reminds me of happier times before things went South and this bowl has been through a lot of stuff with me.
  
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  - db2@lemmy.world ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    If I were you I’d see if anyone can fix it, even if that meant the bowl would be decoration only after.
    
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- protist@mander.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  I think you misread
  
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- whatsisface@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  Did you read a different post? Where is the boyfriend’s age mentioned?
  
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  - Cricket@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    Yeah, it looks like they misread what the “17” and “30” in the OP title were referring to.
    
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- otp@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  (her boyfriend is no longer alive)
  
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  - db2@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    Yeah I figured it out, it’s written strangely.
    
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  - infin@quokk.au ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Very odd to casually mention she murdered her boyfriend of 14 years in the title and then make the post about breaking a bowl.
    
    Upset is an understatement.
    
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happysplinter@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Absolutely normal and I completely understand. I’ve gone through the same thing many times with sentimental objects. My spouse on the other hand lost everything they had as a child twice in house fires and carries very little sentimentality over objects as a result. As others suggested I was going to suggest kitsungi. There is a website out there that specializes in replacing matching things like dishes and glasses that are missing from specific sets. I’m sorry I can’t think of the name of the site. I heard about it on a podcast with Johnny Pemberton.

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Zagam@piefed.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
I have 2 coffee mugs like that. One my mom got me when I was like 16 to use as a shaving mug. And one I got as a father’s day present a week or so after my first kid was born. I’m in my 50’s now and have never been sentimental about anything. But I do make sure those two mugs are safe when I put the dishes
away.

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Okokimup@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Completely normal. Also a good opportunity to practice the art of letting go.

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