The trauma. The terror. The humanity!!!1!!1!
Submitted 2 weeks ago by MTZ@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/6e9c83bf-d775-498e-ac0e-fbd4545c9519.jpeg
Comments
shittydwarf@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
West_of_West@piefed.social 2 weeks ago
Never again
dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
The real tragedy is how stale that bread is; Subway ^™^ crust isn’t supposed to do that. Is it too late to rescue the lunchmeat and start over?
nukeforyou@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
Also, the sandwitch was wrapped up. So theres no mustard or onion
dalekcaan@feddit.nl 2 weeks ago
That’s what gets me about all of this. Not only was crying about onions and mustard the weakest most pathetic shit ever, even that was grossly exaggerated. These ICE losers are the most pathetic people alive.
CaptainBlinky@lemmy.myserv.one 2 weeks ago
I can’t believe I need to ask this, but… is that an actual quote?
AmbitiousProcess@piefed.social 2 weeks ago
I don’t think so, but he did say while testifying: “He did it. He threw the sandwich,” that the sandwich “exploded all over” his chest and he felt it through his ballistic vest, and that “You could smell the onions and the mustard”.
The sandwich never left its wrapper.
The defense attorney finished closing arguments with “This case, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is about a sandwich”
DrDystopia@lemy.lol 2 weeks ago
They don’t know, you don’t think so. I think… This exemplifies how absurd this
shitsandwich show is.
Billy_fuccboi@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I think he’s throwing shade, but you can never be sure
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
I don’t think so, but it is close to what he was trying to claim when he testified.
In a Sandwich vs. “Ballistic Vest” fight, the Vest will win every time. He might not even feel it. So he can’t claim any physical damages. That means he had to make some sort of claim of mental trauma, which was supposed to be, what? Some sort of PTSD following the horror of the attack, due to the aroma of mustard and onions?
Then there was video evidence of the sandwich in the street, AFTER the attack, and it was still fully wrapped (Give that Subway employee a raise for having a tight hand). He couldn’t have smelled that mustard and onions, because they were never exposed. That means the ICE agent committed perjury on the stand, under oath.
Lock. Him. Up.
slaacaa@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Assault with a deli weapon
infinitebagels@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
This is peak petty-hero energy and I love it. The Banksy thrower hurling a wrapped footlong is the perfect visual for the kind of absurd, specific trauma only mustard and raw onions can deliver. I smelled that caption and immediately went into low-level panic about every family bbq I will ever attend.
Also, can we get Subway banned from tactical operations? Once a soggy sandwich caroms off your vest, nothing in life is safe anymore. 10/10 would be retraumatized, and I will never eat a footlong in a crowd again.
mkwt@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
The FBI crime lab didn’t even do any forensic analysis on whether the sub measured up to the full 12 inches or not.
It was such a shoddy investigation.
thesohoriots@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Was it technically meeting the standard of what is known as bread?
blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
At least a fair few of us learned a new word today
FreshParsnip@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
I’m buying a sub sandwich tomorrow to scare an ICE agent (disclaimer: I’m in Canada and will not actually come into contact with an ICE agent)
MTZ@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
gigastasio@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Some of those who work delis
Are the same that throw smellies
YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
To the tune of “fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me”
Footlongs, aren’t only five dollars
Footlongs, aren’t only five dollars
Spicey Italiiiaaaaannnnnnm