Submitted 9 months ago by petrichor@reddthat.com to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
I love driving and I do it professionally now despite being a very anxious person. I felt like exactly the same when I was younger and had lots of friends who felt the same. Drive as safely and slowly as you’re comfortable. Don’t let jerks on the road pressure you, they can wait a bit if need be. Over time, you’ll become more comfortable and capable.
Yes. Next question.
Driving a car and doing it regularly is the most dangerous task most anyone living in any number of western societies with service-based economies will ever undertake. There is nothing wrong with treating it accordingly - with awe, care and a healthy portion of respect and fear.
But whether the decision not to do it is a good one depends on your life circumstances. Do you live or plan on living in a big European city? Yeah, you don’t need a car in your life, good riddance. Do you live in a North American suburb or rural area? Er… not using a car is probably not an option unless you relocate.
I had a pretty bad car accident due to failing to yield the right of way (I struggle with multitasking)
Maybe I’m misunderstanding something here. It should go without saying that when one is driving, one’s attention should ideally be focused on nothing else and multitasking therefore shouldn’t be a factor.
I still remember one time as I was a new driver, I saw a friend in the other lane, and I told my parents, “look, there’s my friend!” And I looked over at her, and started accidentally turning my car into the direction I was looking.
My parents quickly told me to drive straight, and I got control of the car again, but this goes to show that it IS a skill to be able to look around, at mirrors, at the blind spot, etc, without also moving the steering wheel. But you will get better at it with more practice and especially good experienced drivers or instructors helping you practice.
This makes me seriously question the level of testing required to get a licence where you are. By that I mean that by the standards I'm used to you were wildly under prepared for driving on the open road and shouldn't have been put in that situation until you were ready.
It took me three attempts to pass my driving test. I could actually operate a car just fine for all of them but it wasn't until the third that I was actually ready to be on the roads unsupervised. There is a lot going on and until you've built up the experience and habits to do it safely it's... A lot.
I think I was also 19 when I got my licence but didn't really drive at all until I was in my mid 30s. I always lived places it simply wasn't necessary. If if stayed there then I doubt I'd have ever got a car. I find driving incredibly tedious.
My partner and I had a habit of treating merges as teamwork. Driver focuses on front, copilot looks back/sideways, and driver implicitly trusts when copilot says “go”. We were pretty slick with our merges.
To equivocate, we have since relocated to a city with good enough public transit that we were able to ditch our car entirely. Life is definitely better this way.
That’s just something that comes from experience. Eventually checking everything will be muscle memory and the anxiety will lessen.
While I don’t know your situation, this is fairly common in new drivers. For most of us, experience gets us past the issue. Experience to make driving habits automatic rather than something we need to be anxious about. I watched both of my teens get much better at this over time, but I’m still very anxious about them.
Sounds like you are dealing with anxiety? I had a similar phase. After getting my license at 18 I did not drive for a very long time, because I did not have the money for a car. Felt very inconfident and even cried at the thought of getting a car, even if it was necessary. It took me a while to accustomise to the thought, then started driving with my husband on my side. Asking a lot of questions about situations in which I was unsure and warming up to the idea of driving regulary. And now it works!
About the accident part: Had one when my license was fresh, while parking with my fathers car. It’s normal. My husband had three accidents after getting his first car, he was such a chaotic driver. I think the most ridiculous one was when he was stressed and wanted to park on a curb. But he was way too fast and the car of course took damage.
So maybe take a small break from driving and accept your learning curve :) No one is born as an expert driver!
Former professional driver here (and current avid rider of motorcycles):
Driving absolutely isn’t for everyone. Some people can’t drive. Some people – arguably a lot more people than is currently the norm – shouldn’t. And that’s okay.
If at the end of the day you can get to where you need to go regularly without driving, go for it. Nobody should be pressuring you into driving if you are not comfortable or prepared to do so. It’s not a “basic skill.” It’s a massive privilege, and one that most of the population of the world does not have access to. And it’s also a big responsibility with the potential, as you have observed, for injury or death of yourself or others, and property damage. That’s a responsibility that has to be taken seriously and the maddening fact is that most people don’t treat it with the respect that it’s due.
If you don’t want to drive, don’t. And don’t let other people try to dictate that you should.
Based response tbh.
Another professional driver here: thank you for saying it. Makes my comment a lot shorter:
In addition to what 👆 this person said, my partner does not drive for very similar reasons to why OP doesn’t. I would encourage op to try it again in a low traffic, low pressure scenario, away from your parents, and see how you feel. If you still don’t feel up to it after a few times of doing that, start looking for a place to live where driving isn’t the only way to get around.
It depends some on where you are.
Where I live, driving is absolutely a basic skill. It’s just not realistic to get anywhere via any other means in a reasonable timespan. So you either have to drive or be driven basically anywhere. The scale involved isn’t kind to biking, and public transportation is nonexistent. It would take hours to get a taxi that would be egregiously expensive, uber isn’t even an option last I heard.
And this is from the perspective of someone that hates driving- it stresses me out because of the exact reasons you’ve mentioned. I’m in charge of a ton or more of plastic and steel sometimes moving at 70mph, and ignoring the physics based implications, these things are fucking expensive.
It is both overreacting and a valid feeling. If you were not wanting to drive before tue accident, then the accident escalating the feeling is a valid response. People not wanting to drive is not that uncommon! I love to drive but my daughter resisted learning for the longest time and is only learning now because it is a necessary skill to have in this country if you want to visit 95% of it because of how transportation is structured.
Your father is also right that an accident is not uncommon and assuming it was low speed it shouldn’t keep you from continuing to try, although sentiment requires wanting to drive.
You can live your life relying on others to drive you around, although that approach is limiting. Keeping up the ability and confidence to continue driving in case you need to might be an important skill where you live, and that would be the only reason I would encourage you to keep at it. If public transportation, biking, or walking are feasible for most of your travel needs then not driving is a reasonable choice!
They have drivers safety classes you can take in a day or weekend that make a big difference. A lot of them are on closed tracks and help you with extreme situations and quick reactions. I would look into one of those near you to help with skills and confidence.
But, I prefer to bike whenever possible and use public transportation. If that’s an option for you, there’s nothing wrong with it and it’s much better for your health and the environment.
I’d say it partly depends on where you live… or where you plan to live. Bottom line is in the US anywhere that isn’t a big city. Being able to drive is basically going to be a pre-requisite to having a job.
Nah driving sucks, there are to many people these days, to many distractions, fucking cops can just randomly pull you over and kill you. Boomers are terrible and selfish drivers. It’s like some giant chore and the reward is working for the next forty years. Where is there to go to anyway? McDonald’s, the buccees gas station, Walmart? Fuck driving.
I agree with all the comments so far, but also, play Mario Kart. Seriously.
No. It’s a perfectly natural reaction.
Having said that, I think you should get back behind the wheel ASAP.
You don’t Need to drive again. But I think you should face your fear and try to move past the current trauma. Simply because being able to drive is useful. After than that, of you don’t really need to drive anywhere, just don’t.
I’m 19 and have had my driver’s license since last summer.
Yes.
Yes. Get out on some rural roads with a friend if possible.
Also realize that there are different places you might feel comfortable driving. For example, I try to avoid driving through large towns and cities as much as I can. I’d rather someone else drive. There’s just too much going on while watching for cars, traffic cues, as well as pedestrians.
On the flip side, my brother hit another car on his very first driving lesson and never drove again! He’s happily living in a city with public transportation :-) just make sure you’re able to get around without relying on others.
Great answer.
This is otherwise kinda tough.
Like, it’s okay to be afraid of things, even really important things. But you need to be aware the degree to which your life is limited by not learning these things.
You don’t need to learn to swim. You don’t need to learn to drive. You don’t have to fly in a plane. Its all your perogitive.
That said, if they were already afraid, co quered that fear, met their fear, now we gotta talk PTSD. As someone mentioned, driving PTSD can be very sneaky and very real. Not addressing this could literally lead to a lifetime of carsickness as a passenger.
So yeah. I say saddle back up. It is scary and it can feel like you don’t have control, but that’s life. Rural roads minimize the negatives.
miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 months ago
You don’t have to drive. Lots of people don’t, licensed or not.
As you’re already licensed, keep it in case there’s an emergency that requires that you drive.