[deleted]
Isn’t it?
If someone doesn’t say what they want how are you to know what to buy them?
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Submitted 1 day ago by everythingisromantic@reddthat.com to showerthoughts@lemmy.world
Comments
slazer2au@lemmy.world 1 day ago
everythingisromantic@reddthat.com 1 day ago
[deleted]wewbull@feddit.uk 1 day ago
The best gifts are ones where they’ve anticipated your needs, wants, or desires. These are exceedingly rare though, and are never found in a last minute dash to wherever is open.
My brother, sister, and I have a deal. No fixed date gifts, but you don’t need an excuse to get someone a gift when you’ve got a good idea.
AdamEatsAss@lemmy.world 1 day ago
In the USA it can be considered rude to ask someone what they want or to give them money. The idea is you should know them well enough to get them something they want. We actually have kids write to Santa to tell parents what to get for Christmas rather than flat out asking the kids. This is changing but I still end up with a huge pile of stuff I didn’t want after a holiday.
clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
cattywampas@lemm.ee 1 day ago
Cash and gift cards are the absolute worst things to receive.
entropicdrift@lemmy.sdf.org 1 day ago
My tastes are too niche and my hobbies are too diverse. I don’t expect anyone to get me anything at this point because I’m “so hard to shop for”, so cash is way better than nothing, and frankly often better than the useless garbage people get me when they’re trying to guess.
clay_pidgin@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
They’re the least personal, certainly.
Little8Lost@lemmy.world 1 day ago
gift cards yes, they bind your friend where to buy from + they expire
But i think cash can be a well made gift if you make the cash in a nice letter or an origami
But when anyone ends up giving 5€ to each other than it evens out and its uselessblattrules@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I’d much rather receive either of those than something that I don’t need, want or even like that I have to pretend that I really wanted, then either attempt to return it or store for a while in case that person comes over before ultimately throwing it away. Most of the presents I have received on birthdays and holidays fall into that category.
jerkface@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
There is no stigma that I am aware of.
everythingisromantic@reddthat.com 1 day ago
[deleted]themeatbridge@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I always ask, but some people feel greedy or selfish if they tell you what they want. Plus, it’s nice to have someone else think about you and your needs and desires, and then put some effort into providing that for you.
Like if I said, “I want fancy jewelry,” that would feel petty and bratty. If my friend gave me a gift and said “I found this, and I thought it would fit your style and look great on you,” that is going to make me feel good about receiving it and about our relationship.
It’s always OK to ask, but it’s not OK to insist they tell you. Demanding an answer is like saying, “I don’t care enough about you to learn and remember your preferences.”
That said, there are things I won’t buy my wife because her preferences are too mysterious. I’ll pick two seemingly identical handbags, same dimensions, material, color combinations, etc, and she will determine that one is gorgeous and the other is shit. It’s a running joke with us that I’m hopelessly obtuse when it comes to style, and she’s far too capricious in matters of taste to predict what she will like. She loves handbags, and I support her getting whatever purses and bags she likes when she sees them.
Likewise, she doesn’t buy me techie stuff or tools.
jerkface@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
OTOH if you have to ask, then a couple possibilities need to be considered. Maybe they are already so well appointed, a twenty dollar trinket is just a waste of our planet’s dwindling resources. Maybe you know them so poorly, it really isn’t appropriate to be buying them a gift in the first place.
What we all want for our birthday is to feel like we are special to the people in our lives. That they know us, care about us, and wish us well. That’s not the sort of thing you can ask for; if you have to ask, it devalues it tremendously.
datavoid@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
This reminds me that I don’t like people
thezeesystem@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
Fuck birthday forced givings. Do what I do and do random gift giving throughout the year. No reasons for it. Just randomly. Fuck the capitalistic nature of birthdays now a days.
Vaie@lemm.ee 1 day ago
I’m with you.
Give gifts because you want to, when you want to, and if you need ideas - ASK.
There’s no reasonable reason not to ask or communicate directly with the recipient if you genuinely don’t know what they want - or even what they prefer within a group of things they may have mentioned.
Also, holidays in the USA are heavily commercialized and this should be avoided, especially when teaching kids financial literacy.
Being susceptible to advertising is dangerous- kids need to understand that finances act as war against citizens, by deceiving, trapping, and manipulating us into debt for things we don’t need or that don’t work.
Financial literacy and refusing to give in to advertising makes a stronger person. It doesn’t mean we don’t have Xmas, it means we stick to our budget and ignore advertising in favor of research, reviews, and actual data about what we want.
Opinionhaver@feddit.uk 1 day ago
Me and my SO have a shared Google Keep note with our wishlists we update thorough the year. It’s still kind of a surprise as there are many items on that list and I can’t know what I’m getting.
NONE_dc@lemmy.world 1 day ago
People who give gifts do it more for personal satisfaction than to please the person they plan to gift. I say this from experience in gift giving, although there are nuances; if I don’t know exactly what the person I’m giving to wants, I might give them money instead.
This year I was able to give a bottle of expensive whiskey to my father. I was 100% sure he was going to love it even without having asked him, so it was no problem. With my mother, on the other hand, I preferred to give her money on both her birthday and Mother’s Day, because she is very changeable and one day she wants one thing and the next another, so it’s better for her to buy what she wants at the time.
And me? Well, satisfied to have made them both happy.
LilB0kChoy@lemm.ee 1 day ago
I feel like this depends a lot on age and life situation until eventually you get old enough and then you’re just buying things as you want/need them.
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 1 day ago
Um, it is?
My partner 2023: some_guy, I want an air fryer for my bday.
My partner 2024: some_guy, I want jewelry for my bday.
My partner 2025: some_guy, I don’t know what I want for my bday. But I bought a robot vacuum; that will be my bday present. Also, let’s take a road trip.
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 1 day ago
It shouldn’t be offensive to ask, but personally, I hate the question. Not because I think it’s rude or lazy, but because I never have an answer. If I want something that’s under $50 or so, I just buy it, and anything I can’t afford, I feel guilty asking someone else for it, because everyone I know is about as broke as I am.
spankmonkey@lemmy.world 1 day ago
“I have enough stuff, but something to eat or drink is always welcome.” was my go to if they didn’t take my first answer that I don’t need anything.
kemsat@lemmy.world 1 day ago
It is? I usually just ask for like 3 things & then I pick one from those.
rumschlumpel@feddit.org 1 day ago
I found that most gift ideas that are somewhat good suffer from being over budget for the kind of relationship I have with the person. Same would be true for most people who might ask me what I want - if it’s that cheap, I probably already bought it myself.
ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 1 day ago
People who say “should be normalised” haven’t fully understood what free will entails, lol.
Eheran@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I do not get it, what do you mean?
ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Who’s holding anyone back, especially in something so morally neutral as this? Why do you think the unreasonable take is the common one? And if it were, who would you ask for it to be ‘normalized’? Shouldn’t we do what we think is right and avoid what we think is wrong regardless of whether it’s popular or not? Are people just afraid of calling out idiocy? You can do it kindly. Or are they afraid of confrontation with the stupids? And it’s always something shockingly silly like ‘normalize kissing your kids goodnight’ or ‘normalize talking about trauma with your parents who traumatized you’ like who the f told you not to and why would you ever take that person seriously?!
Portosian@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
My family does this, but then ignore me when I say I don’t want anything. Then I end up saddled with some random garbage I feel obligated to keep.
HubertManne@piefed.social 1 day ago
mandatory gift giving should be eliminated. Giving a gift should be based on knowing someone and encountering something you absolutely know they would love and have the spare cash such that it does not put you out economically to pick it up. I think the problem is human nature though. Its very hard for someone to receive a gift without feeling they have to reciprocate. It really is easier to give than recieve in some ways.
spankmonkey@lemmy.world 1 day ago
The other hurdle is needing to wait for a birthday/holiday as they might just get the thing ahead of time. I have been doing my best to separate buying things from holidays with my wife and kid because either it sits on a shelf for months instead of being given or there is an urge to spend too much because of how gifts are wrapped up in commercialism.
We are pretty much down to consumables and spending on doing something together instead of opening presents, which is awesome.