How to relax and most importantly stop thinking about the things i could be doing?

Submitted ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨Inkstainthebat@pawb.social⁩ to ⁨nostupidquestions@lemmy.world⁩

This probably seems really stupid but I’m not sure what to do at this point. The entirety of my summer break has been spent working on personal projects, I was supposed to have a great time but instead I burned myself out on art, programming and more to the point I kinda dread those things I liked before. Now, I’m not a complete idiot, so I saw that I needed to cool it a bit with everything going on, and focus on myself for a little while.
It didn’t work though, because all the time I spent dedicated to myself instead of my personal projects was actually spent trying to relax while thinking of all the things I could be doing for instead, so I still feel tense after my supposed breaks.

I hope this doesn’t come across as pathetic…

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FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
For starters, find a way to discipline yourself into using social media less.

Lots of people feel shitty and stressed because they’re using algorithms designed to make them feel shitty and stressed.

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- __siru__@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  This is (sadly) such an important statement in our modern world.
  
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Pronell@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Any attempt at self-improvement is not pathetic. My phone suggested self-forgiveness, which also is key here.

You are trying to be more aware and less impulsive. The key here is mindfulness, not that it’s easy to attain/achieve.

I said self-forgiveness because beating yourself up for your perceived failures will also hold you back.

Failure is key to success.

I’ve made a little progress toward changing my internal monolog, and it has served me well. Be nicer to yourself and laugh off your failures lest the memory of them become baggage.

My dad is a Buddhist. I never got good at meditation, but I recognize its value.

But mainly, be kinder to yourself. Perfection was never an option, so why would you expect it from yourself?

Relax. Breathe. You’ll figure things out, whether or not you achieve these goals.

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- prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  
  My phone suggested self-forgiveness
  
  I’m sorry your phone did what?
  
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  - Pronell@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    Heh. Autocomplete.
    
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fmstrat@lemmy.nowsci.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
You are not alone, soooo many people, myself included, are like this. As are many with ADHD.

For me, I found listing out the things I want to do for each project (the details, not the name of the project), and putting them all low priority works. Then I move a few to high priority and tell myself those are my “tasks” for the week.

That stops me from going down the rabbit hole pretty well, while still enjoying my time. I find the number of tasks fluctuates, mainly because after a while of shifting between TV, games, and reading in the gaps, I get that feeling of wanting more productivity being fun back. Which sounds like the feeling you want.

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- Bluefruit@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  As someone who also has ADHD, definitely agree. Lists are a good way to get things out of your head where its jumbled unto a format that your brain actually can use and process with less noise.
  
  On my meds I can keep things together a lot better, but lists are still something I use all the time.
  
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Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Cannabis? 🤷🏻‍♂️

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- prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Cannabis helps me stop caring that I’m not doing the thing(s) I should be doing but can’t get started on.
  
  Whether that’s a good or bad thing will be left as an exercise for the reader.
  
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  - Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    Definitely. I wouldn’t suggest it for people trying to get shit done, (we all know the Afroman song) but it is a sure fire way to stop giving a shit about them.
    
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e0qdk@reddthat.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I had similar problems and couldn’t figure out how to get out of that cycle before it ended up with me having panic attacks, and anxiety/depression bad enough to be put on SSRIs. If you can’t relax and feel tense all the time, that is a serious issue! Nip it in the bud if you can.

What I eventually figured out is that I needed separation between my work and my personal time – and yes, those kinds of personal projects are still work even if you’re just doing them for yourself.

Decide how long you want to dedicate to working – then hold yourself to that. Like, actually write down the start and end times you worked so that you can prove to yourself that you really put in the effort. I use plain text files on my computer for this; do what works for you. After you’ve put in the time you committed to, you are OFF THE CLOCK. Stop working – even if you have to force yourself – and go do something else. Without guilt.

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Weirdfish@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
I’ve found the best way to achieve both the mental break, and the relaxation, are hobbies that that are physically and mentally taxing.

In the summer, its skateboarding and motorcycles, in the winter its snowboarding.

Wears you out enough to get proper sleep, and they require all your mental focus not to get hurt.

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- Inkstainthebat@pawb.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  I got a pair of roller blades that haven’t seen the light of day in a lil while, I’ll try to use them some every day
  
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  - deczzz@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
    Great idea!
    
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tree_frog_and_rain@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Move your attention from your thoughts about what you could be doing, to your breath and your body.

I find my feet can be quite grounding, I’ve done a lot of walking meditation but our feet have a lot of nerve endings in them they’re pretty sensitive like the hands. And usually our thoughts you know we experience those in our head because we associate it with our hearing.

By moving your attention down to a different part of your body it helps to make the thoughts feel less intrusive. You don’t have to push the thinking away or get rid of it, just put most of your attention someplace else.

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Trual@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
It’s not stupid,

If you can afford get a therapist, helped me more than any suggestion I’ve seen on this post.

May also work for you

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the_q@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
What does relaxing look like to you?

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- Inkstainthebat@pawb.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Good question, I can’t say have a clear picture In mind… I guess something like doing what I feel like without worrying about anything else
  
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QuizzaciousOtter@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
So I struggle with something similar and it turns out it’s because I’m autistic. Maybe you are neurodivergent too? If you decide to consider this idea, I recommend to check out content where neurodivergent people talk about their condition. I would never consider I might be autistic just using descriptions by neurotypicals, the difference is huge.

Now, about your actual question… I don’t really have a perfect solution. I personally use marijuana. I usually plan the time to take a break from all the projects and learning at the end of the day. I make sure all the important chores are already taken care off. Weed definitely does help but I see how it’s far from a perfect solution. Ideally, you wouldn’t rely on any external substance for your wellbeing.

Many people recommend meditation as a way to regain control of racing thoughts. I was never able to make that work though. Whenever I try I just start working on one of my projects in my head…

Good luck!

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zero@fek.xyz ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Having a couple of things I like to do helps me such as listening to music, reading, watching movies, gaming etc. Having the discipline to cut off took a while to master as well. Over the weekends, I tell my team members not to send emails or text messages unless its super urgent. I give myself targets, for example watching a couple of movies or TV shows over the weekend and deal with the shit come Monday.

I was supposed to have a great time but instead I burned myself out

That's when you need to take a step back, do something else. When I'm gaming I do burn myself out, so now I'm taking a break from WoW and started on movies / tv shows again.

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HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

I hope this doesn’t come across as pathetic…

not at all. I’ve been there. what did you do for art? i mean i’m a musician, but every once in a while i try to learn a different instrument or pick up a paintbrush.

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- Inkstainthebat@pawb.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Something new… Hm…
  
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jbrains@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
You’ve already had several good suggestions here.

I learned that when rest no longer leads to recovery, that is burnout and maybe even depression. Pay attention to this feeling and take it seriously. Good luck.

If you’re thinking about what you could be doing, you might have some unhelpful conditioning related to “being productive” and other such myths of how to live “correctly”. You might be able to think your way out of that way of being and you might need to talk to someone to do this, such as a therapist.

If you’re worried about forgetting something that you need to do later or about some deadline sneaking up on you, then writing things down and setting reminders could help. I did a lot of this and it trained me to literally forget things that I didn’t yet need to start working on without risking missing deadlines. I found it very freeing. Something like that might help you.

I hope you find some peace from something in these replies.

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Bongles@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Why did you start working on these other projects? For fun? To learn? Are they still fulfilling that purpose if you’re burnt out? If not, what are you losing out on by not working on them? If it was for fun, then that’s over for now, go do something else for fun.

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Demonmariner@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
Consume less caffeine and sugar.

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- Inkstainthebat@pawb.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
  Im proud to say I don’t do coffee and never did. As for sugar though I can’t say I’ve been keeping track as carefully as I’d like so it’s anyone’s guess, but I’ll watch myself. Thank you
  
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