jbrains

@jbrains@sh.itjust.works

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  What’s normal is that you had a traumatic experience, then internalized a Survival Rule to avoid repeating the behavior that led to the trauma. Depending on your age when the original incident happened, the Survival Rule might sit very deep, causing you to follow it even without thinking and without knowing why.

  All that is normal: expected, sensible, reasonable.

  The rule itself might no longer be needed. Can you imagine a situation in which it would be perfectly fine to interpret as a joke something that someone says without specifying it as a joke? Can you imagine three? Ten?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨low iq in love with high iq person, is that bad??⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Forget IQ for a moment, for all the good reasons that other people have given you.

  One of you will know more than the other or learn more easily than the other. That’s unavoidable. Even if the gap seems small, there might be key moments where the gap causes conflict. This is going to happen, whether it’s you or them who “is ahead”.

  The question is this: how do you handle it?

  If you treat each other with contempt, that’s a problem. That could be you assuming that they are always going to look down or you or them assuming that you’re not trying to “be better”. There are many ways for this kind do contempt to show itself in your relationship. Each of you has the responsibility to not think that way. Each of you has the responsibility for accepting and loving the other.

  If you can’t learn to do that, then your relationship is doomed to fail. If you can learn to do that, then you stand a chance.

  You both can choose.

  Some things about my partner used to irritate me and I learned to accept them for the things they’ve tried to change but just can’t. That acceptance is key.

  Good luck and peace.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨If a mysterious force secretly changed EVERY clock worldwide one minute forward, how long would it take until people notice, and how would people/governments react?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Yes, I’ve heard. And even when they were quite punctual, a difference of one minute was very noticeable and reliably commented on.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨If a mysterious force secretly changed EVERY clock worldwide one minute forward, how long would it take until people notice, and how would people/governments react?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  *Germany has entered the chat. *

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨what is the actual name of this type of „logic”?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  False syllogism (you’re Chinese, so you’re an asshole) or premature generalization (some Chinese people are assholes, therefore all Chinese people are assholes).

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Why is it considered sexist to ask women to smile?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I’m enjoying being told about these counterexamples, as I’m seeing even more clearly how this attitude is embedded in our shared culture.

  So far, all the specific contexts in which men are being told to smile is one in which others feel entitled to the man attempting to impress them. In contexts such as dating or performing on video or working in retail, this doesn’t particularly surprise me.

  I suppose another reasonable context is one in which the people asking you to smile are genuinely worried about your emotional state and want you to seem happier. By chance is it typically like that for you? (Let’s set aside for now the complex matter of whether they actually want you to feel better or they merely want to control your behavior or feel less uncomfortable themselves.)

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Why is it considered sexist to ask women to smile?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  How interesting! That makes it even less surprising.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Why is it considered sexist to ask women to smile?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  That’s one exception that doesn’t surprise me. Do you have any sense how often they are doing this with intentional irony compared with genuine obliviousness?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Why is it considered sexist to ask women to smile?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Tell us a story of the last time you witnessed someone telling a man to smile because he would look so much better if he did.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨why does everyone i know treat me like a child or if i was a very childlike person??⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Think of the people who seem to do this to you. Pick the one who trust the most. Now ask them.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Not disparaging the dead or anything. But why does it seem in the US we are expected to feel sorry for a person who overdoses on illegal drugs? Didn't they make the choice knowing the outcome?⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  There is an emerging field of research that reframes addiction as a reasonable reaction to traumatic conditions. This doesn’t explain all addiction, but it seems to explain a large amount of it. We are learning how complex a condition addiction can be and that makes it easier to feel compassion for these folks.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What do you create?⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  A hopeful path towards peace for people who struggle with stress at their job.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What's the point of a long-distance friendship?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  In that case, I’m not sure you’re missing anything and I’m not even sure you have a problem to solve here.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What's the point of a long-distance friendship?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  I understand better. I might relate, too.

  I’m not the type to keep relationships “alive” by checking in, but at the same time, when someone re-enters my life after even years, it can be as though no time had passed. If I can help, I will. We can chat for minutes or hours. I’m happy to pick up where we left off.

  I have the distinct impression that many other people don’t operate this way. I do. Do you?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What's the point of a long-distance friendship?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  The same as any friendship: mutual support and love. What you’re describing sounds like an acquaintance to me, not a friend, if conversations don’t develop past small talk. Maybe that’s what you’re missing.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Why do cell phones have a data limit but home internet doesn't?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Where are my Rogers home internet customers at? 🇨🇦

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨PayPal implements default data sharing with third parties: users must manually opt out⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Canadian. Didn’t see this option yet. Anyone else?