jbrains
@jbrains@sh.itjust.works
- Comment on Why is it considered sexist to ask women to smile? 1 day ago:
I’m enjoying being told about these counterexamples, as I’m seeing even more clearly how this attitude is embedded in our shared culture.
So far, all the specific contexts in which men are being told to smile is one in which others feel entitled to the man attempting to impress them. In contexts such as dating or performing on video or working in retail, this doesn’t particularly surprise me.
I suppose another reasonable context is one in which the people asking you to smile are genuinely worried about your emotional state and want you to seem happier. By chance is it typically like that for you? (Let’s set aside for now the complex matter of whether they actually want you to feel better or they merely want to control your behavior or feel less uncomfortable themselves.)
- Comment on Why is it considered sexist to ask women to smile? 1 day ago:
How interesting! That makes it even less surprising.
- Comment on Why is it considered sexist to ask women to smile? 1 day ago:
That’s one exception that doesn’t surprise me. Do you have any sense how often they are doing this with intentional irony compared with genuine obliviousness?
- Comment on Why is it considered sexist to ask women to smile? 1 day ago:
Tell us a story of the last time you witnessed someone telling a man to smile because he would look so much better if he did.
- Comment on why does everyone i know treat me like a child or if i was a very childlike person?? 5 days ago:
Think of the people who seem to do this to you. Pick the one who trust the most. Now ask them.
- Comment on Not disparaging the dead or anything. But why does it seem in the US we are expected to feel sorry for a person who overdoses on illegal drugs? Didn't they make the choice knowing the outcome? 1 month ago:
There is an emerging field of research that reframes addiction as a reasonable reaction to traumatic conditions. This doesn’t explain all addiction, but it seems to explain a large amount of it. We are learning how complex a condition addiction can be and that makes it easier to feel compassion for these folks.
- Comment on What do you create? 1 month ago:
A hopeful path towards peace for people who struggle with stress at their job.
- Comment on What's the point of a long-distance friendship? 2 months ago:
In that case, I’m not sure you’re missing anything and I’m not even sure you have a problem to solve here.
- Comment on What's the point of a long-distance friendship? 2 months ago:
I understand better. I might relate, too.
I’m not the type to keep relationships “alive” by checking in, but at the same time, when someone re-enters my life after even years, it can be as though no time had passed. If I can help, I will. We can chat for minutes or hours. I’m happy to pick up where we left off.
I have the distinct impression that many other people don’t operate this way. I do. Do you?
- Comment on What's the point of a long-distance friendship? 2 months ago:
The same as any friendship: mutual support and love. What you’re describing sounds like an acquaintance to me, not a friend, if conversations don’t develop past small talk. Maybe that’s what you’re missing.
- Comment on Why do cell phones have a data limit but home internet doesn't? 2 months ago:
Where are my Rogers home internet customers at? 🇨🇦
- Comment on PayPal implements default data sharing with third parties: users must manually opt out 2 months ago:
Canadian. Didn’t see this option yet. Anyone else?
- Comment on Personally I prefer NASA's pronunciation, which is "charon". 3 months ago:
- Comment on There exists a position inside the earth where it is possible to cook a perfect pizza just by leaving it there 3 months ago:
Only if temperature distribution is a continuous function.
- Comment on We lost Keanu 3 months ago:
Anyone else remember when Joe Rogan was a harmless comedian?
- Comment on [USA] How can sales tax brackets affect purchasing behavior when prices are pre-tax? 3 months ago:
FWIW, both big chain grocery stores where I live (in Canada) mark the taxes charged on each item, albeit only with a single-character code that’s explained nearer the bottom of the receipt. I’m surprised that it’s legal anywhere in our respective countries to withhold that information.
And indeed, even though you can see the nontaxable items clearly on the receipt, that’s not made clear at the shelves where the prices are posted. That’s where they really need to show the price including taxes.
Some liquor stores in Canada, for example, show both prices: before and after taxes. I’ll let you guess which price is rendered in the smaller font.
- Comment on YouTube will shove ads in your face even when you pause videos 3 months ago:
I guess it’s time for a “mark this time so I can go back to it” feature, to reduce the need to pause. 🤷♂️
- Comment on how do I accept that a doctor earns more than double what I do? 3 months ago:
But I also feel like a loser, because even those ranting doctors earn more than twice what I do… and they get to sit for longer than I do.
Regretting my life choices.
What kind of “I also feel like a loser” is this feeling?
Maybe the sane choice here would be to study or to get a certification that means a higher salary?
What in particular would that get you? I mean beyond the obvious “More money would make my life easier” thought.
Peace.
- Comment on if you ever traveled 1K miles by bus, would you recommend it? 3 months ago:
I’ve never done this and would never do it, for all the reasons people have already described.
I would, however, choose a 6-hour train over a 2-hour flight, as long as I traveled in (European) first/business class with a seat reservation.
There is almost no amount of money that could convince me to travel 36 hours by bus if I could instead spend 5-6 hours going through airports and only one flight. If I literally didn’t have the money to fly, I would spend all my energy figuring out how not to go at all.
- Comment on Does a clean PC run better than one with a lot of dust in it? 4 months ago:
Yes.
Also a machine on fire tends to run a bit more slowly. 🔥😉
- Comment on what's a polite way to reject a picture with a very thankful patient who was under your care? 4 months ago:
You don’t need to explain yourself. Others need to learn to respect your choices about yourself. Yes, it’s tiring. It’s their fault, but partly your problem.
Your responsibility ends with “Thank you, but no.” Unfortunately, some people will feel hurt by this. You can’t change this; only they can choose to interpret your response differently. And most people never try this.
If you want to establish your boundaries, then you need to practise letting them feel hurt and not feeling responsible for it. This is one reason I meditate.
Peace.
- Comment on [deleted] 4 months ago:
I believe that if you faced the judgment and self-hatred, the rest might fall into place. I have two general strategies to suggest, which you could use together.
- Practise looking at the thoughts like “I’m lazy” and “I hate myself of for being so lazy” and seeing them for the empty things they are. They’re just thoughts. They’re not even yours. They mean nothing. They consist of nothing.
- Look into the reasons for judging yourself lazy and hating yourself for it. Is there a voice you hear in your head saying these things? Whose voice is it? (Is it a person from your past or a part of yourself you can identify?) Maybe you’re reacting to something you were told or taught very young, which was helpful at the time, but not helpful any more.
Your body wants to conserve energy or it’s afraid of overinvesting energy in practising the piano. If you saw that more clearly, you might more easily identify what to do next.
I stopped studying piano when I realized that I wasn’t prepared to put in the practice needed to develop the raw finger strength and dexterity to play even medium difficulty Bach fugues. I saw what it took and the effort didn’t interest me enough to stick with it. I have invested that practice energy into something else instead and I feel much happier for it. I have a facility for music, but I’m just not that into it as a technician. I have enough to appreciate virtuosity in others and that’s enough for me. Maybe you can find something similar.
Peace.
- Comment on How does renouncing citizenship work? 4 months ago:
Countries typically don’t allow that. For example, Canada requires you (at least) to be a citizen of another country and to live outside Canada.
- Comment on How does renouncing citizenship work? 4 months ago:
It varies from country to country. Some countries don’t let you become a citizen again after renouncing, while others allow it.
Citizenship is related to taxes (which also varies from country to country), so countries are very interested in being able to establish that you owe them income taxes.
How would your previous country find out? I imagine it’s like any crime: you either do something to make it easier for them (try to renew a passport, fail to file a tax return) or they find you by accident (some investigator notices a connexion between two observations that makes their mind tingle).
There’s probably more, but that’s enough to answer your questions.
- Comment on [deleted] 5 months ago:
What is the relationship between “they are competing with me” and “I feel like I don’t deserve any of the success that I’ve worked very hard on”?
- Comment on [deleted] 5 months ago:
Let them. How does this hurt you? What is your actual challenge here?
- Comment on Why are 99,9999999999% of trans people here, disabled? 5 months ago:
What are you actually asking?
- Comment on Am I supposed to ask stupid questions here, or *not* ask stupid questions? 7 months ago:
The mere fact that we’re answering your question provides sufficient context to clarify the group’s intentions, no?
- Comment on Am I supposed to ask stupid questions here, or *not* ask stupid questions? 7 months ago:
Yes, but that’s why there is a sidebar.
- Comment on Why is currency so essential? 7 months ago:
Yuval Noah Harari, Sapiens. Enjoy.
