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Comments

• SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Not an overreaction. But maybe find a proper tutor who teaches people with driving anxiety if you want to get back behind the wheel again. Since you are limiting yourself if you don’t want to drive. And before you public transport-o-philes come at me, I live in a country with great public transport infrastructure and lots of bicycle paths, and even here not having the option to drive a car is still a limitation.

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• Droggelbecher@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Everyone basically saying that you can fuck yourself and should never drive again is a bit of a dick at best. It’s ofc perfectly fine to not want to drive. But if you do have to, or if you end up wanting to in the future, it’s not like this was your only chance and you can never again learn. If you want/have to get back to it, please practice with someone experienced in a calm and safe environment. Pay for an instructor, go to and empty parking lot, etc. Take as much time as you need before you’re good enough to drive in traffic again.

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• pfr@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Stop driving.

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• Jimmycrackcrack@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  The easy answer is no, that is not an overreaction to the problem as you’ve assessed it. You didn’t want to drive to begin with, because of doubts about your capacity to drive, then when you did drive you encountered a dangerous situation and now you don’t to do it again, that’s just rational.

  The tricky part is deciding if you’re going to persevere anyway. Though not wanting to drive again is rational and probably good for everyone else on the roads, you are also most likely not uniquely incompetent even if you’re self critical and doubting. This might be where the idea that you are overreacting comes from, the tension behind this rational response and the simultaneous idea that perhaps you’re being too self critical. Ironically, I think both are true.

  For better or for worse we’re living in a world where you can continue to do this and on balance of probabilities, you will get used to driving and get more capable with it, but there’ll be a period while you reach that stage where you and everyone else on the road will be at risk of harm. That’s not a great situation and something that in other contexts for other activities might not be tolerated, but it also might be a necessary one. It might perhaps put your mind at ease (or the opposite depending on how you interpret this), to realise that the road is full of drivers that might not be “good” drivers because they’re, nervous, have bad multitasking, are drunk or on drugs, are tired, aren’t concentrating, are underconfident, are overconfident, angry right this second, inexperienced, over experienced to the point of becoming inattentive and all manner of factors that should objectively mean people just shouldn’t drive but nevertheless we do and in the time and circumstances that we find ourselves in you wouldn’t be against the moral zeitgeist on this to decide that driving is necessary or beneficial enough for you that you’re going to become just one more such driver less than optimal driver in the roads. Hopefully after a while you’ll get past the fear and inexperience and that will make you a driver of at least average competence.

  This isn’t to say I think you should do that. One less car on the road, especially driven by someone who by their own judgement thinks they aren’t a good driver and also doesn’t want to drive would, in the grand scheme of things be good, but I acknowledge it would be hypocrisy of me to suggest that you should exclude yourself on this basis when very few of the rest of us would.

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• Ougie@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  If you can’t control your vehicle you should definitely not be driving, you are endangering others on the road.

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• leftzero@lemmynsfw.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  No, you’re not overreacting.

  But, if you’re in north America, you’re probably fucked.

  (If you’re in the USA, though, good news is you’d be fucked anyway, so the car thing is mostly irrelevant, except as a means to get out, fast.)

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• chunes@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  It depends entirely on where you live.

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  • Ougie@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Wtf no it doesn’t? If there’s roads then there’s other people on them and OP - as far as we know - is a danger to them. If you can’t drive, don’t drive, simple as. There is nothing else to consider here. And frankly if the first thing you thought about before replying wasn’t the safety of others then you shouldn’t be driving either.

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    • Darleys_Brew@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Based on what OP is telling us, I can’t understand why OP was put in for their test if they can’t even use a junction properly.

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• mat@jlai.lu ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  In France we have a possibility to get tutored to get more experience before passing the exam. It is basically driving with your parents or people with more than 3 years without accident. If your parents can find time to do some tutoring it could help. I remember how I could feel out of control but having my parents next to me was an insurance that someone was monitoring the traffic and pedestrians around and could tell me to brake if I was focused on something else.

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• Clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Despite what everyone around you is saying it’s not absolutely necessary to drive. People manage this in all areas across America.

  Don’t drive again until you’re ready. That may be a few weeks, it could be a decade, possibly never again.

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  • BeardedGingerWonder@feddit.uk ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I’d say don’t leave it a long time, even if it’s just pootling round an empty parking lot, even pretty confident experienced drivers feel anxiety after a crash, you’re just not quite sure of yourself for a bit. Putting it off is just going to make it harder.

    (Also absolutely they don’t need to drive, but it’s a hella useful skill - some confidence building lessons with a pro would probably help)

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  • Darleys_Brew@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    People manage it across the world.

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    • Deepus@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      To Americans, America is the world.

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• volvoxvsmarla@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  There is no such thing as a bad reason for not wanting to drive a car. Any reason that makes you not want to drive a car is valid.

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• destructdisc@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Your reaction is perfectly valid. Come, join us at c/fuckcars

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  • Darleys_Brew@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I like driving and I need to for work…both cos of my commute and to do my job. But it can be annoying, and it’s time consuming and expensive. Also so much in terms of nature and architectural history has been, along with all the environmental damage. Our lives would be so much better if cars weren’t a thing.

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• half_built_pyramids@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  There’s some good driving sims that could help the anxiety. Safe place to practice if you live in one of the places without public transport.

  New Mario kart is open world

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• endeavor@sopuli.xyz ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Not an overreaction especially remembering how I was at first through the driving school driving lessons - a nerveous panicky wreck.

  It does get better with time, you just get used to it. I’ve driven for 17 years now without an accident. The system starts making sense at one point.

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• Objection@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  You’re absolutely valid and not overreacting. Unfortunately, depending on where you live, you might not have many other options - but if you can look into other modes of transportation you should.

  Driving is dangerous, and not everyone is cut out for it. The great thing about public transit is that it’s much safer and less stressful, it doesn’t demand focus and attention - and that benefits drivers too, because it means fewer bad drivers will feel like they have to drive and it reduces traffic in general.

  It all comes down to what the alternative is. If your alternative to driving is relying on others to drive you places, it’ll reduce your independence or be expensive (if you use rideshares). But if the alternative is biking or taking a train, then by all means go for it. There’s lots of reasons cars suck, danger, stress, insurance, gas, traffic, pollution, lots of reasons to look into other options.

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• pycorax@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Finding it hard to multitask and lacking confidence is fairly normal as a new driver. I found it helpful to have someone who’s confident in driving to accompany you while you drive until you’re confident. They’ll be able to point things out to you and warn you while you drive. It’s important that at the start they let you focus and only speak when necessary though. Gradually over time, they can speak to you more to get you used with multitasking while driving.

  These things take time to get used to so don’t fret it but if course, this is only if you’re comfortable to give it a try and commit to improving.

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• sem@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  You will make your own choices based on your experience, but I would advise you to reflect on what specifically led to your accident.

  I also learned to drive late (at 18) because I rode my bike everywhere and didn’t have a car anyway, and didn’t feel quite in control. I was anxious about following all the rules. But a high schooler 3 years older than me said once she realized that you basically weren’t allowed to hit anyone else, and all the other rules fall under that, driving made a lot more sense.

  The 60 hours of supervised driving never felt long enough for me, and I kept trying to get practice sessions with my parents after that. I once drove some friends around somewhere and realized I wasn’t as safe as I wanted to be, so after that I didn’t drive friends around for a while until I got more skilled.

  Because while I was learning to drive, I really couldn’t do other things at the same time: listen to a conversation, the radio, think about anything that hard – I had to remove distractions to focus on driving.

  Much later when I had more practice, driving got to be more second nature, and I feel safe driving other people around again.

  I went through this one more time when I learned how to drive standard (“stick shift”), I had to remove distractions and focus on how to drive, or I could have a lot of difficulty.

  So I don’t think you should give up driving entirely, because no one starts out as a “good driver” and you may need more practice than perhaps you think you “should” need. But you should take your responsibility seriously, and figure out how to get more safe practice opportunities, and take care to remove distractions and set yourself up for success. Which might mean saying no to driving in certain situations, but yes in others, until you are more skilled.

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  • BeardedGingerWonder@feddit.uk ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I like this perspective, it makes me think some anxious drivers are just more aware of how bad they are. I doubt they’re much worse (and probably better) than the average new driver, but the lack of awareness in the average new driver probably covers the anxiety.

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• aesthelete@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  No you’re not overreacting, but if you’re in America unfortunately you basically have to drive to be a full fledged person. Our governments do not provide you an alternative. I’d personally love to quit myself, but I’m the only driver in my household.

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  • sem@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    It depends where you live in America, but you’re basically correct.

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• Libra@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  It’s like anything else, it will take time to get comfortable with it. During that period you should probably focus on getting practice in out-of-the-way places where you’re less likely to be overwhelmed or distracted and can potentially cause problems. As someone who has never been able to drive and lives in country whose general opinion of public transportation is ‘Hahaha no’, not being able to drive can suck pretty bad. I’m always relying on others, beholden to their schedules, their bad planning, their poor time-management skills, etc, and the only alternative is taking a cab which gets expensive quick. Being able to drive, even if you don’t do it a lot, is a valuable skill and something you will get more comfortable with the more you do (and doing it regularly is key to build that familiarity and level of confidence.)

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• FriendOfDeSoto@startrek.website ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  No, you’re not overreacting. You know you and you can point at serious consequences now. Keep the license valid if you can - you don’t know what life still has in store for you and you want to keep your options open. But by all means toss the keys to somebody else.

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  • HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    most US states have a State ID that is a valid alternative to a driver’s license if you really need to get the point across

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    • FriendOfDeSoto@startrek.website ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I’m not sure what point that is. My inkling is that OP doesn’t live in the States.

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    • mat@jlai.lu ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I still find it crazy that basic ID in the USA is not mainstream. In France you have one as soon as you are born (and you need it or password for all national exam).

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• LovableSidekick@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Sounds to me like you just haven’t had enough practice, given that you aren’t interested in driving and haven’t don it much. If you can find people to drive you around or don’t mind taking buses and paying for Uber etc, not driving will probably be no more than a minor inconvenience - depending on where you live and how easy it is to get around without a car. Could influence your decisions about where to live and where to work, and having appointments could occasionally suck, but again it depends on where you live.

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• IsThisAnAI@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Please get the hell off the road.

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• RadDevon@lemmy.zip ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I moved from the city I grew up in and gave away my car on the way out. That was in 2017, and I haven’t owned a car since. I drive extremely rarely — used to rent a car for a few hours every couple of months to run this or that errand in the Pacific Northwest US. I’ve since moved to a larger city with better transit on the US east coast. I live in the center city and can’t imagine any reason I would need to drive at this point. It’s been a few years since I’ve driven a car.

  How practical it is will depend heavily on your lifestyle and where you live. If you’re in most parts of the US, the default assumption is that you will drive a car, and you will be excluded from many things if you don’t. If you already live in a place that is conducive, are willing to move to a place that is, or can otherwise structure your life in such a way that doesn’t require it, you can absolutely do it. There are certainly trade-offs, but you couldn’t pay me enough money to go back to a car-centric life.

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• unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Entirely depends on where you live, which country and if its rural or urban, and how good the pedestrian and bike infrastructure is there.

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• pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I have had a very similar experience. I still avoid driving whwnever I can. A different take on what your father said, I think a car accident is just another, fairly common, lesson in how to drive. It can be true both that almost everyone has had an accident AND that being in an accident can be traumatic and very off-putting. Your feelings are absolutely valid. Sadly, in the U.S., being able to drive is more or less required to be able to participate in pretty much anything.

  Ultimately, my crash drove me to be a much more careful and aware driver, and while I still hate to drive, looking back I think being in an accident was probably inevitable for me. I don’t know where I’m going with this, I can’t give advice or anything, just wanted to share.

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• RaptorBenn@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I’d say dont drive if you arent comfortable, but not driving can be a huuuge impediment to your work and personal life, depending on your lifestyle. This also might be a good way to build your confidence overall, as it’s pretty obvious youre more anxious in general than most.

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• Mac@mander.xyz ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I mean, there are lots of things i have to do based on necessity that i don’t want to.
  If i could simply not do them i would—I think that’s normal.

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• pineapplelover@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  If you can go about your life without a car then sure. But in some areas of the country, it’s kinda hard so if you’re that person then maybe take some driving courses again until you’re more confident.

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• InfiniteHench@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  It is completely normal to not want or enjoy driving. I don’t know where you live, but there are lots of areas and cities around the world where it easily possible to never own a car thanks to public transit and other readily available methods.

  In the U.S. it can be tougher, but still possible. I live in Chicago and know plenty of people who are perfectly happy not owning a car. Personally I aspire to it, but my wife is a little car brained and it’s something we work ok.

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  • choco_crispies@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I think that there might be an argument that driving stress would correlate with the necessity of driving. That is, places where it is more stressful to drive have a higher frequency of available public transportation, like in a city, while places that are more relaxing to drive in tend to require having a vehicle for transportation, like rural areas.

    Also, there is definitely an element of PTSD that can come with being in a car accident. It can make you jumpy when riding in cars with others or driving. I have heard that many race car drivers end up quitting the sport after a bad accident. No idea how true that is but if you start driving again the jumpiness will eventually turn into a higher level of alertness which can be a good thing when operating a motor vehicle.

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  • Nemo@midwest.social ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I’ve been carfree in Chicago for two decades, I highly recommend it. I keep my license current for emergencies and the odd once-a-year rental situation, but don’t own one. It’s cheaper and safer this way.

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    • HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      my main transportation is a class 2 ebike. my city isn’t very bike friendly, but the city i live in is primarily residential roads. i can get around pretty much anywhere, even to the next city, without leaving 25mph speed limits if i want to. so i’m doing 20 and not really getting in anyone’s way.

      if i was in my car i’d be on different roads doing 55. i’m having a hell of a lot more fun on the bike too.

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• SwearingRobin@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  My mom had her driver’s license at 18 as soon as she was able to. Then she went on to stop driving after having a license because she did not have access to a car to drive. Later in life she had a car to herself but had forgotten a lot of how to drive and is a worse driver today as a result. She had her drivers license already, and classes are expensive, so she relearned how to drive all on her own.

  I learned form her and took my driver’s exam later in life, when I felt like I was being held back by not having a car or driving. I had a car of my own a couple of months after my exam, and drove a lot late at night with my boyfiend just getting used to and confortable with it safely. I learned to drive more in those late nights after having my license than in classes. I did not feel super confident driving when I took my exam. It took months to get truly confortable, and thats OK.

  Now you decide what lesson to take from this. It’s fine if you don’t drive ever, but if you intend to later I would advise you to practice more soon to really cement in driving, its habits and have it become second nature.

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