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I just want to point out something that I’ve not seen others mention - sometimes girls are just way too paranoid about what their families will think. I know one girl who keeps insisting that her parents wouldn’t let her date a black guy, but then she also admits that she dated a hispanic guy before and thought the same thing but her parents loved him. Honestly I think like 70% of girls imagine that their parents wouldn’t accept some huge swath of men due to some superficial characteristic, but probably in reality only maybe 20% of parents would actually be against their daughter dating a guy who treats her well, even if he’s of a type they dislike.
nesc@lemmy.cafe 2 days ago
You actually don’t get that they are muslim, at best they won’t be happy that she is seeing someone and that someone isn’t muslim. At worst this can go into honor killing territory. In general it’s best not to be involved.
Stamets@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Jesus fucking christ.
First off, at worst, anyone is going to murder anyone. You clearly have never dated someone and met their father who was on the edge of murder.
Second, at best they won’t be happy? So according to you, every single muslim hates their child dating someone who isn’t muslim and won’t be happy? Guess I better tell that to literally every muslim I’ve dated whose parents didn’t give a solitary shit and were actively supportive of their gay kid. Or my friends who’ve dated/married muslims and were accepted into the families while being Jewish or Atheist or Protestant.
What is this racist garbage?
krawutzikaputzi@lemm.ee 2 days ago
The fact that the girlfriend doesn’t want to tell her family is kind of a hint that they won’t be happy about the relationship. So being upset is kind of the best outcome in this situation.
It’s nice that you and also I have met nice muslims who encouraged their kids do love whoever they want. In this specific scenario I would trust the girlfriend though, because she knows her family better than us.
TheLeadenSea@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Not engaging with any other part of your comment, but is Islam a race, now? I thought it was a religion.
nesc@lemmy.cafe 2 days ago
First, religion is not a race. Second, I’m from place where muslims (very secular ones at it) are significant minority. Third, I’ve been in the situation outlined, and heard of similar from people in this situation.
Also there were at least two religiously minded honor killings that I know of one involved tatar (muslim) family, another cyhan (christian) family.
AWistfulNihilist@lemmy.world 2 days ago
I don’t think anyone who mentions that honor killings are a thing is saying that. Honor killings have been recognized by amnesty international as being a distinct threat to women worldwide that is present in America as well specific to Muslim majority countries in the Middle East and Asia.
I think any child has the potential of being killed by their angry parents, it’s happened very frequently from people of all backgrounds, but it’s ok to admit that a Muslim girl who doesn’t want to introduce you to her parents could be motivated by the fear of death or abuse in a very specific way. And i think it’s ok to tell this kid that this is a possible additional pressure based on her culture.
But it’s fair to say this has happened like a half dozen times in the US in two decades. That might feel like a lot, but considering the sheer number of Muslims who live in this country, that might as not happen at all.
I can keep both of these ideas in my head at the same time and not have a weird, knee-jerk meltdown in the comments!
gigachad@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Honour killing is such a rare thing, I find what you are saying blatantly racist tbh. Do you know how many Muslims there are in the world?
starlinguk@lemmy.world 2 days ago
And yet, she is obviously afraid.
nesc@lemmy.cafe 2 days ago
I’ve just stated that it’s a possibility, and at worst. These things really happen, if rarely, point was it’s better not to force an issue if other party is unwilling.