How to avoid a kid who really likes you?

Submitted ⁨⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨Karl@programming.dev⁩ to ⁨nostupidquestions@lemmy.world⁩

I have a relative who’s son, about 10 year old, seems to be fond of me. He is an avid talker. He will talk about anything and everything with me. Problem is, he doesn’t understand I’m an introverted piece of shit. Even though I like being with him when I feel like talking, other times I can’t match his energy and feel exhausted. To just ignore what he’s saying and stop responding all of a sudden makes me feel bad. He’s really a good kid. How do I tell him to give me a break within hurting him?

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spooky2092@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Be somewhat honest with the kid. Let him know you love chatting with him, but you’re over sensory (or whatever your particular issue is at the time) at the moment and you can’t give him the attention he deserves right now, but you’d live to hear about it later.

Kids are smarter and notice more than you think. Being honest and open about your issues is healthy for both of you, and helps show the kid it’s ok to not be in the mood to talk to someone and a kind/polite way to disengage.

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- TranquilTurbulence@lemmy.zip ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Kids can also be considerate of they care about you. Once they know the rules of the game, they will follow the rules just to make their favorite adult happy.
  
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- RedEyeFlightControl@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Seconding this. He sounds smart enough to understand “Hey, I need a few minutes, but I still want to talk”.
  
  Raising our kids, we never used reasons like “because I said so”, we always explained why we made the decisions we did, so our children learned reasoning and understanding as they grew. Kids are generally quick to learn, and can understand most situations if explained plainly. Talk to them with clarity and respect and you’ll be surprised at the response you get.
  
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givesomefucks@lemmy.world ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Treat him like a grown up.

Be honest that some people need peace and quiet and while you enjoy spending time with him you can’t handle it all the time.

He’s old enough to understand it, and you’ll do a better job explaining it than some 10 year old he knows from school.

Kids are sponges and learn social cues like that really quickly, but someone has to tell them what’s going on. There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling a kid that age to chill out

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- kiwifoxtrot@lemmy.world ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Treating kids like grown ups is very important for development.
  
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  - givesomefucks@lemmy.world ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    It’s what they want more than anything too.
    
    Like, all the tools are baked in, but kids who don’t run into limits grow up to be adults who can’t recognize limits.
    
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  - Phen@lemmy.eco.br ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    And treating grown ups like kids is useful sometimes too!
    
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throwawayacc0430@sh.itjust.works ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Image

(Teach him the force, pic unrelated)

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Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Does his talking exhaust you or is it the need for you to come up with responses? Or is it that you just want to be alone?

Depending on the answer,

“I love being with you but I’m too tired for talking. How about you tell me stuff you’re learning/a story while we do Lego and I’ll just keep quiet.”

“I love you but I’m feeling peopled out, I need to be alone today.”

“I would love to spend some time with you but my ears have had a hard day and I’m going to put some cotton in and rest them. Do you think you want to just be quiet together, or would you rather go where you can be noisy?”

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the_riviera_kid@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
You may be one of the few or the only adult he feels comfortable talking to, adults tend to blow off or ignore kids all together.

Your listening to him might mean the absolute world to him. I know it’s one of the reasons why I still hold my father in such high regard.

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spankmonkey@lemmy.world ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Teach them meditation, then get then to practice with you when you don’t want to talk.

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- Karl@programming.dev ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Oh, well. He’s kinda slow too. Not really sure if he will understand.
  
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  - grysbok@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I’ve taught literal toddlers that my dog needs his alone time when he’s in his crate.
    
    A 10 year old should be able to understand that sometimes people just don’t want to play/talk. Maybe wear headphones or some other very visible indicator that you’re not social right then?
    
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shawn1122@lemm.ee ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Does it bother him when you don’t respond? I don’t know this boys particular circumstances but Western culture has a mentorship crisis when it comes to young boys and men.

You shouldn’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable but, as an introvert myself, I have come to learn that kinship sometimes means doing your own thing in the presence of others. This is really important to children since they want to feel like they’re part of something bigger.

If he’s not expecting a response to everything and you’re OK with just being together I’d advocate for that. It might be healthy for both of you. Depends on your specific circumstances though.

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themeatbridge@lemmy.world ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Be direct and honest. “Hey, buddy, I want to hear what you have to say, but I’m feeling a little overwhelmed right now.” Kids learn from the example you provide, and expressing your feelings in a positive and honest way is how he’s going to learn to do the same.

I would also suggest you put that energy to good use. Kids enjoy feeling helpful and a part of the process. If he’s rambling on, you don’t need to send him away. He’s just excited to share with you. Maybe ask if he wants to color with you while you talk, or ask if he just wants to sit with you a while. Maybe he’ll get bored and run off to do something else, or he’ll sit with you and just enjoy the peaceful moments. Either way, it’s his decision to respect your boundary, creating a healthy relationship.

If, on the other hand, he doesn’t respect your boundary, eg you ask him for a moment and he just keeps talking over you, it’s not impolite to ask him to pay attention to your request and respond. You’re not his parent, so you’re not responsible for discipline or manners, but it’s helpful to a child if you explain to him how he’s making you feel. “It doesn’t seem like you heard me. I said I am feeling overwhelmed, and I need a few quiet minutes to myself. Can you respect that?”

Try to say that as calmly as possible. Don’t make it about him, but tell him directly what you expect him to do.

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xor@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
trick him into doing something quiet …

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tetris11@lemmy.ml ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Take up smoking or drinking to make the experience more bearable whilst also clouding yourself with cigarette/alcohol fumes to pull up a physical barrier. Flap your arms slowly from time to time to add uncertainty, and yawn periodically.

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MerrySkeptic@sh.itjust.works ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
“Sometimes I just like to be by myself and listen to my own thoughts. We can talk tomorrow though. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

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hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
"Hey, [name], I know you would like to do/talk about X with me, but I’m tired and would like to be alone because [reason explained in a way a kid can grasp easily]. We can do X some other day.

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11111one11111@lemmy.world ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Offer to pay them cash for every minute they play the silent game.

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SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Oh the only technique ive got is, well now the adults need to talk, go outside or to your room and play.

But I prefer not to use that, just hang out with kids as much as they want if its a once in a while thing.

Or tire them out? Make em run in a game or smth.

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- Karl@programming.dev ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I hate the whole “Adults need to talk” thing but you do you ig.
  
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  - Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I don’t think it applies anyway because you don’t need to talk to adults, you need a break from talk.
    
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MNByChoice@midwest.social ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Some kids have a boundless need for attention and talking. Getting them to read, play in another room, or a physical activity (like soccer) can quite themfior a bit.

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