For some of us, rather than an echo chamber, it's just validation of our experiences and learning the language to describe abuse. You can't get help unless you know what you're getting help for. And when you learn to recognize gaslighting and manipulation, you can begin to counter it.
Comment on Someone needs help
chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Communities like this always skeeve me out. I know that I’m just being cynical, but random internet strangers aren’t really a great place to go to get information and help if you are in one of these circumstances. At best you’ll end up in an echo chamber of people who will just keep you on the same downward spiral, and at worst you’ll run into someone who will try to take advantage of your vulnerability. Sure, there may be some out there that are qualified to help, but their voice will be drowned out by the throngs of, “Yeah! Fuck your parents! Hop a train!” and “Hey, I’ve got a warm van you can sleep in if you need some place.”
Bonehead@kbin.social 10 months ago
Signtist@lemm.ee 10 months ago
Yeah, people don’t realize that people with abusive parents have been raised to believe that abuse is normal - even good for them. The first major hurdle is getting someone to realize that there’s even a problem to fix, or that the problem to fix isn’t themselves.
TrickDacy@lemmy.world 10 months ago
What would you suggest people who are going there looking for help do instead? Pay for therapy they can’t afford or just suffer in silence? You make it sound like people are literally weighing therapy and professional help against online communities as though they are both equally accessible options.
So in other words, you have the choice and assume most others do too?
Signtist@lemm.ee 10 months ago
Honestly, most of the people in places like that are people who already found their way out, and now just want to shoot the shit with other people who understand what they’ve been through. If I hadn’t had my sister to talk to about our insane mom, it would have been a lot harder for both of us to move on from her and become healthy, well-rounded adults - I imagine internet communities like these are a good alternate resource for when people don’t have real-life support from someone who understands what it’s like. But yeah, when you’ve got a parent who thinks all of science is one big scam, you’re never going to be able to see a legitimate therapist.
SimplyTadpole@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 months ago
Honestly, most of the people in places like that are people who already found their way out, and now just want to shoot the shit with other people who understand what they’ve been through.
At least in my experience, that wasn’t the case at all. I used to hang out in communities like that back in the late 2010s, and me as well as multiple folks were people who still hadn’t managed to shake off their abusive narcissistic parents and needed an emotional support group. While yes, there were also multiple people who already had shaken off their N-parents, they certainly weren’t the only group and there were still many who either were still stuck living with them, or people who were living on their own but were still dependent on their parents in some way or otherwise forced to see them once in a while. And a nice chunk of the people who did manage to go low- or no-contact with their abusive parents still gave the emotional support for those of us who didn’t have the means to do so.
Telling someone to seek professional help instead feels like such a slap in the face for people in such a situation because, for the most part, they literally can’t - at best, it’s simply because they’re completely financially dependent on their parents and can’t afford a therapist (and it might be resolvable if they get enough donations to afford checkups and their parents are the neglectful variety and don’t really care about that), but at worst (and it’s almost always at worst) they’re control freaks who believe therapy is a scam and you wanting to do it instead of “praying the depression away” means you’re not religious enough, or they would see it as an affront due to the implication of their child being traumatized by them and get furious and punish them, or be insulted/freaked out by them receiving money from strangers online and cut their entire access to the internet altogether. It’s simply not an option. So having an online emotional support group they don’t need to cough up money for is simply the next best bet for many, and while it won’t solve the problem, it’ll at least make it manageable. I know it did for me.
pewgar_seemsimandroid@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 months ago
i saw someone on tiktok runaway from home and pretty much everyone in the comments was supportive
TrickDacy@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Ok? You didn’t say if you read about the situation enough to know if that was a good thing or not.
Stamets@lemmy.world 10 months ago
[deleted]smeg@feddit.uk 10 months ago
Yeah, why would you trust a professional with legal responsibilities and a duty of care when you can go to an anonymous forum where I’m sure everyone tells the truth all the time and always has your best interests at heart!
Obviously I’m being facetious and I get your point that taking to your peers is very important, but careful not to slip into the rampant anti-intellectualism and distrust of “so-called experts” which fuels all the insane conspiracy shit we see all over the internet nowadays.
vexikron@lemmy.zip 10 months ago
Unfortunately in many places in America, if one went to a local professional to seek help escaping abusive parents or a cult scenario, you actually have a decent chance of encountering a professional who is either a fraud/quack with a nonsense degree from a degree mill, or they might just be totally fine with parental abuse or the local cult.
They might decide that the child is delusion and has unfounded aggression issues, classify them as mentally ill and remand them to a modern day asylum (mental health facility) which are generally staffed by overworked and underpaid employees … at best.
That kind of thing happens a lot more often than a lot of people realize.
Maybe check out how Dr. Phil seems to have had no problem his entire career sending unruly children to what are effective labor camps in the middle of no where.
Oh and lets just continue to pretend that the field of therapists and psychologists hasnt had a huge problem of uh, becoming sexually intimate with their clients, and lets also pretend that problem is completely solved.
It sucks. If you can find a /good/ therapist or what not, they can literally save your life. But if you don’t, well, not so great. And a child is not going to be able to recognize the difference most of the time, until its too late.
smeg@feddit.uk 10 months ago
Well that’s shit, no wonder online discussion groups / safe spaces are so popular over there. That does raise a different issue though, the USA-dominated (and consequently often USA-centric) view presumably warps the view of people seeking help from places where they can and should be talking to real medical professionals.
Starglasses@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 months ago
I can’t talk with a professional on the fly. I can’t even talk to a professional more than once a month if I’m lucky.
schmorpel@slrpnk.net 10 months ago
anti-intellectualism and distrust of “so-called experts
Experts or authorities?
Here some conspiracy for you: A lot of psychiatry (not all) is made up shit rooted in old white guys’ ideas about how to keep unruly youngsters and women in check. The DSM is a vague symptom list sponsored by the pharma industry and gets changed every few years or so (glad they took the gay out).
I consider the output of (the scientifically connected side of) psychiatry, together with the output of my peers, together with my own perception when I make decisions about my own wellbeing - if that alone is anti-intellectual and conspiratic to you, you might be adhering to scientism rather than science.
Hyperreality@kbin.social 10 months ago
Also:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Replication_crisis
A lot of psychology and psychiarty is not proper science.
I'm not saying it doesn't have value, but people should be sceptical.
Of course, don't go the other way and join scientology.
Ludrol@szmer.info 10 months ago
This is double edged sword. These places helped me in my journey but they need to be strongly moderated. There are a lot of creeps that want to exploit people. There are a lot of narcissistic echo chembers. But they also have battle tested techniques and “Know How” that is unprecedented.
Without strong anti-toxic culture and ruthless moderation these places could be a pitfall for someone.
The_v@lemmy.world 10 months ago
The groups need an established core of well informed and experienced people to work together and shape the culture of the community. The moderation team also needs to be responsive and consistent.
I got pulled into being part of one of those teams years ago. It was a pretty simple formula to make the community healthy: The creeps/spammers got banned and reported. The ignorant got educated in a logical and coherent manner by a team approach. The trolls were played with for a while then banned when they eventually violated a rule.
A good group can save lives and help a lot of people. A bad one can further harm the already damaged and vulnerable. There are many of both groups out there.
Stamets@lemmy.world 10 months ago
You’re really over exaggerating on how much moderation is needed. While it does need a closer eye calling it ruthless is a bit much.
Hyperreality@kbin.social 10 months ago
When diplomacy fails, there's only one alternative. Violence. Force must be applied without apology. It's the starfleet way.
Pancito@lemmy.world 10 months ago
/s … right…?
chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Stamets, I love you. You are a source of joy in my life. I hope you have a good night, friend.
Stamets@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Not sure how I feel about just ignoring everything I say and saying “goodnight”.
Hyperreality@kbin.social 10 months ago
Hush now. It will be over soon.
haui_lemmy@lemmy.giftedmc.com 10 months ago
Someone understands how online forums work. I‘m impressed. You‘re a rare breed these days. Great text btw.
Droggelbecher@lemmy.world 10 months ago
They can be helpful if you view them light heartedly as anonymous support groups where you can vent real quick. Not as actual qualified resources.
chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 10 months ago
I’m sure they can be mildly helpful if you have a light-hearted disposition about your narcistic cult-parents who you are planning to run away from…
dallo@lemmy.kiois.net 10 months ago
In this case I think we need more qualification, but a good support positive group cant hurt
schmorpel@slrpnk.net 10 months ago
Same with real people out there. I grew up in conflict with my parents before the internet and had the exact same issues you describe, just offline. it comes down to taking any and every advice with a grain of salt, no matter. Online and offline self help groups can be great, and life saving.
haui_lemmy@lemmy.giftedmc.com 10 months ago
I wish more people like you were on lemmy. I see too many good takes being down and bad takes being upvoted by bigotted, cynical or plain ignorant people.
Being taken advantage of is a big problem that needs to be adressed. „Dont get help online.“ is the stupidest take I‘ve seen in years.