Comment on Not stealing

BartyDeCanter@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

• Empricorn@feddit.nl ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I am cracking up at this. Please save this comment word-for-word in a journal or something. Because when he’s older and truly appreciates all you’ve done for him you’re going to find it even funnier than I did to remind him of this!

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  • squaresinger@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    when he’s older and truly appreciates all you’ve done for him

    Wishful thinking

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    • Empricorn@feddit.nl ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I’m optimistic! My parents weren’t perfect, but I absolutely appreciate everything they did now, and have told them so.

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• volvoxvsmarla@sopuli.xyz ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I mean, the dick punch was really unnecessary but I am glad that other families experience… Weirdness, I guess. And exclusion of a parent.

  I can’t count how often I read and heard the advice to “just present your kid with two options to choose from”.

  My kid, even before she became verbal, always wanted option C when presented with two options.

  “Do you want this hat or this cap?” “Neither”

  “Do you want this blue pants or these red sweatpants?” “I want… a green… dress” we don’t even have a green dress.

  “Shall we go to the zoo today or do you want to go to the playground with Anna?” “I want to go on the trampoline” .

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  • kossa@feddit.org ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Bonus points for finally settling for one of the options, only to throw a tantrum afterwards, that the other option was the preferred one.

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  • WanakaTree@lemmy.zip ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Yeah the first time I tried the two options for clothes on my then-two year old, he snatched both options out of my hands, threw them on the ground, and screamed NO CLOTHES

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  • bus_factor@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I present two options. If my kid doesn’t pick one of those two options, either by not responding or by requesting a third thing, I’m picking one of the two options for him. And I’m always picking what he’s least likely to want.

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    • GreyEyedGhost@lemmy.ca ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I had to do a variant of this with my now wife. She never wanted to pick restaurants, so I’d suggest something i was okay with but knew she hated. She got a lot more willing to give her opinions after a few years. Now we can discuss it like equals instead of me making the decision all the time.

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      • bus_factor@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        A friend of mine does that for group lunches. If everyone is humming and hawing about where to go, he’ll suggest McDonald’s. This reduces the threshold of making suggestions significantly for the others, because they no longer need to find a great place. They only need to come up with somewhere better than McDonald’s.

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    • Gloomy@mander.xyz ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      And I’m always picking what he’s least likely to want.

      So parents can be assholes too.

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      • bus_factor@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        I’m not a total asshole: After he’s had his “oh shit” moment I give him one more chance to choose. He’s usually a lot better at picking one of the two options on his second try.

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  • Clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    The problem with parenting advice is every kid is different. This becomes clear after raised a gaggle of them. Anyone with one child that is giving advice is clueless.

    My suggestion is not to give that type of child options. Tell them what’s happening. Then do it. May that not work any better and ignores why you may have started giving them choices.

    You didn’t specify an age but typically choices are best for later development. Toddlers are terrorists and one should never negotiate with a terrorist.

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    • boonhet@sopuli.xyz ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      To respond to your firat paragraph: This episode of Bluey helped me understand as a first time parent. Though this is less about personality and more about development. The mom with 9 or whatever kids really puts things into perspective.

      It’s funny because my own kid is literally Bluey. Super quick to do everything else, refuses to walk.

      Your second and third paragraph: thank you for the advice, I’m anticipating that mine will become a terrorist. Already has learned to cry when told no, despite the fact that we’ve never caved in to it.

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    • Bluewing@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Yep. My Wife and I raised 4 Daughters. Each one was their own type of terror and mayhem and need to be handled differently. No toddler needs to have a choice in anything. Their minds aren’t ready for that. But by the time they hit 4 or 5, they can handle limited choices pretty well. And they only get better after that.

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    • volvoxvsmarla@sopuli.xyz ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I know this sounds very “duh” but I had an epiphany when I realized that the reason I hated advice and tips for parenting was that I didn’t see my kid as a child, I saw her as a person. And just like I would be offended if my partner took some rando’s advice on “women” to deal with me, I get subconsciously defensive when my daughter is treated like a kid that comes with a handbook. There are 5 ticks for this behavior in this age and one of them will work. Fuck that. It doesn’t and it doesn’t need to and it shouldn’t be expected to. She’s an individual, there is no manual for that.

      She’s turning 4 soon btw - and I love her to bits with her chaotic insanity. I feel as if it’s not like she doesn’t fit into a box or likes to think outside the box - she just dismantles the box, it is non-existent to her. She is actually very social, popular and follows rules well in kindergarten. Despite her answer to that theory of mind question about where the doll is being “there’s multiple dolls” which spins into a Lynchian tale about parallel dolls

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    • BartyDeCanter@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      So true. I have two and they’re complete opposites. Every single thing that one is easy about the other is hard. I thought that the second would be easier because I learned some things from the first, but every lesson was useless.

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• Dozzi92@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I love hearing other parents have asshole kids, because it reminds me that I’m not alone.

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  • DJDarren@sopuli.xyz ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    My kid went through the same phase all kids do of refusing to go to bed.

    So one night he’s grabbing on to the baby gate at the top of the stairs like a con in a prison movie, screaming and yelling. I’m at the bottom of the stairs trying to ignore him.

    He fixed a stare directly at me, stopped screaming, and shit in his pants.

    So yeah, 100% of parents have arsehole kids.

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  • absGeekNZ@lemmy.nz ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    You are not; but they are not really assholes. They are optimising for some outcome that they want, with inferior tools/mechanisms. Depending on age, their brain runs on emotion most of the time, logic is a distant second place.

    In saying all of that…they can seem like assholes in the moment!!!

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    • Dozzi92@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Yeah, it’s funny. Sometimes my son, 4, he’ll talk to me, but his speech and communication are still in the very basics, and I’ll say, Buddy, I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re saying, and he’ll get frustrated, which leads to anger, all because I don’t understand what he’s saying.

      Turn the tables, I’m like, Dude, go to the bathroom, we’re getting in the car, you go to the bathroom before we drive, and he’ll say NO! And now I’m the one who’s frustrated and angry because he’s now the one who’s not understanding what I’m saying.

      As always, communication is key, and breakdowns always cause problems. And so we’re all just along for the ride.

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      • absGeekNZ@lemmy.nz ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Ah yes; the tactical wees discussion.

        “Yes, I know you don’t need to go right now; but we are going to be in the car for 30 - 40 minutes; go to the toilet now please!”

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    • blargh513@sh.itjust.works ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Yeah, no. They’re assholes. Little ones, but still assholes.

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• jaggedrobotpubes@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  You know, this weirdly makes the whole shit world-state seem much more natural lol

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