My wife tells me it's a spectrum.
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Flagstaff@programming.dev 3 weeks ago
Two bisexual friends have independently told me from their own experiences that “bisexual” mostly = “gay with a dash of hetero,” effectively, and that it’s not at all 50/50. I wonder how true that is.
ObviouslyNotBanana@piefed.world 3 weeks ago
jol@discuss.tchncs.de 3 weeks ago
It’s not as simple as that at all. Sexuality is a spectrum, it’s fluid, you’re not always born with it, and there are social factors at play. In some societies bi people live straight lives due to social pressure. On top of that, many bi guys often have more sex with guys because it’s easier and carries no risk of pregnancy. So yeah, your friend is just discriminating against bisexual people.
Flagstaff@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
*friends (2 guys), and idk about them being discriminating because at least one of them is quite open and nonjudgmental. That’s the whole point of why I shared, to find out how accurate or inaccurate their sentiment is. We don’t have to suddenly attack them by saying they’re discriminating just because their experience isn’t universal (which I now know is the case, thanks to everyone here)…
jol@discuss.tchncs.de 2 weeks ago
It’s still a kind of discrimination when you can’t imagine other people like you to be different than you. It’s totally fine for them to be 80-20 gay-straight but when you make blanket statements like “as a bi, I can tell you most bi guys are actually gay” that is hurtful discrimination.
rhombus@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Depends on the person. Some people are more in the middle, some lean one way or the other, and others are more fluid and their attractions shift. There’s a whole spectrum of bisexuality. It’s also why there’s a distinction for pansexual, for people whom gender plays no role in attraction at all.
theangryseal@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
It is definitely a spectrum. My best friend of the last 20 odd years once said to me, “I’m theoretically bisexual, but honest to god bisexual in some ways. Theoretically in the sense that I cannot imagine myself being emotionally intimate with a man, but I wouldn’t shut it down if I ever found myself in a position where it was working for me. Honest to god in the sense that in the exact moment of peak horny, I am attracted to both men and women.”
Every serious relationship he’s ever had, he’s had with a woman.
rhombus@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Sounds like your friend might be bisexual heteroromantic. Happy to sex up anyone, but only romantically attracted to the opposite gender. I’ve had a few friends in similar boats of differing sexual and romantic attractions.
theangryseal@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Yeah it’s really interesting just how broad it can all be.
CallMeAnAI@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Not remotely true at all. Shit dumb people say.
Flagstaff@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
Um, I personally know these people and they weren’t trolling… Someone having a different experience than you doesn’t automatically make them dumb, geez.
CallMeAnAI@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Read again.
SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Bet your bi friends are jealous that a bi person is being happy in a straight relationship.
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
It’s a slider that is slid somewhere between 100% straight and 100% gay.
Every bi person is somewhere in between, and it’s nobody’s business to delegitimize that
For me it’s like 70% i lean twoards women, but there are some men i see that really get me going lol.
AnarchistArtificer@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
For me, I would say that the magnitude of my attraction is roughly 50/50, but qualitatively, the attraction I feel towards a man is distinct from what I feel towards women.
A significant aspect that plays a role is also how I present to the world. From my appearance, most people would conclude that I am LGBTQ, and that usually means assuming I’m gay. This is useful because any bisexual’s dating pool is biased towards opposite sex partners; if I want to find gay or bisexual (or pansexual or asexual) women to date, it’s strategically useful to wear my sexuality on my sleeve, so to speak. This has the helpful side effects of filtering out the kind of straight asshole who says “why would you shave your hair like that? You might get more male attention if you made yourself look pretty”
Sexuality is messy. The attraction I feel is pretty equal. How the world perceives me is more gay than straight (because the world likes to pretend that bisexuality doesn’t exist, and then act like I’m changing my mind when I “switch from being gay to straight” or vice versa (/facepalm). In terms of who I actually date or hook up with, the balance is probably skewed towards men. These three components (attraction, outward identification/presentation and behaviour) make sexuality complex, especially for bisexual people; I would wager that there are many people who identify as straight and have had no same sex relationships, but who experience some level of same-sex attraction. It also gets more complex when one considers that many people experience sexual attraction and romantic attraction differently. For example, I have a friend who is asexual, but homoromantic.
You might find it interesting to read about the Kinsey scale, which looks at sexuality as a spectrum, with exclusively [homosexual/heterosexual] on the extreme ends of the scale, and degrees of bisexuality between them.
BudgetBandit@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
I once dated this bisexual girl and she was like “if you’re hot I don’t care if you’re male or female” and that’s how I see it.
Then again, men think that a gay man immediately wants to have sex with them. Society is stupid sometimes
AnarchistArtificer@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I’ve also seen that kind of homophobia amongst straight girls and women, though it manifests somewhat differently. The most uncomfortable thing about same-sex changing rooms as a person who experiences same-sex attraction isn’t actually the attraction (because checking out people in that context would be weird, regardless of gender or sexuality), but people who treat you like a predator because you’re queer.
UnfortunateShort@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Girly boys are way hotter than girls, change my mind
Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 1 week ago
counterpoint: a girly boy making out with a girl is even hotter
First_Thunder@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
A bisexual friend of mine said mostly straight with a dash of gay
porous_grey_matter@lemmy.ml 3 weeks ago
It’s almost like there’s a spectrum
PalmTreeIsBestTree@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I kinda am into the theory we all are a little bi to a degree. Sexuality is a spectrum like autism.
kameecoding@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I mean, you are technically correct, because 0 degree is a thing and so is 100.
Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 1 week ago
even that is too strict IMO, gender and even sex are social constructs and it’s not like people are specifically attracted to the genitals.
if someone says they’re a 100% turbostraight man that still doesn’t mean jack shit, genitals and appearance are independent and almost everyone cares about both to some degree.
i just assumed i was straight until like 5 years ago, when i started realizing that actually i just like femininity A LOT and i don’t care what’s in the pants (i equally enjoy dick and puss and would quite enjoy both at once in ample amounts), and as of late i figured out that i even enjoy androgynity and some masculinity as long as there’s no fat or body hair.
i would boldly claim that sexual orientation as a concept is completely useless, it’s like summarizing people’s food preferences into categories, it makes no sense on a fundamental level.
Evkob@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Some people are definitely 100% gay, and some and definitely 100% straight, but I agree in that I think the majority of people could potentially be attracted to people of all genders.
oppy1984@lemdro.id 3 weeks ago
This was my ex girlfriend, she had her a girlfriend when we met but they both understood that she was more attracted to men. We had a sit down early on and agreed that from time to time they would need some alone time, and that worked until they broke up over money.
The funny part was they were both bi, my girlfriend was more attracted to men, and her girlfriend was more attracted to women. So I saw both sides of it.