MacaqueAndCheese
@MacaqueAndCheese@lemmy.ca
- Comment on I demand a return to the Old Ways 21 hours ago:
My local brothel still doesn’t serve corn, it’s so upsetting.
- Comment on Iran: Congrats! You bought passage for $2 Million through the Strait of Hormuz. *credit card declines* Iran: 22 hours ago:
I don’t know who that is, but yes, yes he was.
- Comment on Iran: Congrats! You bought passage for $2 Million through the Strait of Hormuz. *credit card declines* Iran: 23 hours ago:
Remember way back when Nickelodeon ran that contest where we all won a vacation package and they called it a foreign nickation? I always thought it sounded like fornication.
Looks like Iran is giving those ships a foreign nickation now
- Comment on Paycheck to paycheck 2 days ago:
Mammoths are mammals, I bet you could make some funky cheese with their milk.
- Comment on Wise words 2 days ago:
It’s like all my moms used to say “words mean stuff”
- Comment on I guarantee this is a waste of time 2 days ago:
I lost my neighbour’s cat’s life savings on slots. Now I have to work for him the rest of my life by giving unlimited pets, treats and catnip. I love my life!
- Comment on Don't be a coward 2 days ago:
I was born that way but my mom slipped up and used a fork once when pregnant with my sister and she was cursed with normal human tits, and no one has ever gotten anything for free with those.
- Comment on Don't be a coward 2 days ago:
Born that way, your mother would have had to use fidget spinners as utensils the entire time she was pregnant. For every single meal.
- Comment on Don't be a coward 2 days ago:
Don’t even need to steal it, just gotta show the staff your fidget spinner tits and they get so amazed that they give you everything for free. I’ve been doing it since 2019
- Comment on Seems easy.. 2 days ago:
I like to fill mine with a can of Vienna sausages so I can eat little hotdogs in class
- Comment on Tony understands diversification 4 days ago:
I met this Tiger once who was a total brony and he wouldn’t stop telling me about his collection of my little pony toys, he even showed me his my little pony fleshlight custom designed for Tiger dong. For some reason he was really proud of it but I just thought he was a weird wanker. I don’t want to meet any more tigers.
- Comment on is it really worth it 5 days ago:
Yes, the alternative is cutting down trees and that’s horrible
- Comment on I'm completely serious 6 days ago:
I thought I was good enough to go out and rent Chronicles of Riddick but I ended up with Chronicles of Red Dick, some movie about dog breeders having to jerk off dogs for sperm. I can’t do anything right.
- Comment on As we all should 6 days ago:
I’m a dolphin, don’t listen to this guy he won’t teach you anything. But please come to my dolphin class where you’ll be taught how to clean out my snotty blowhole, I’ve had a cold for 3 weeks.
- Comment on Some games take your time, but some take your feelings 6 days ago:
Tiny knobs fit in more places, I once watched my uncle shove his inside a straw then suck the other end. He won first prize at the farmers market talent show that summer.
- Comment on Some games take your time, but some take your feelings 6 days ago:
Turn that thing into a fleshlight
- Comment on Spicy spicy 1 week ago:
My mechanic’s uncle called me neurospicy because my favorite TV show is “it’s always Sunny in smegmadelphia”. I told him I like spicy food and I do have neurons so he was right.
- Comment on Normal 1 week ago:
Can I eat it?
- Comment on The spirit is willing but the body is weak 1 week ago:
No, it makes him me.
- Comment on It's a classic 1 week ago:
Steak and cheese was the first one I ever discovered when I was like 12 years old, what a time to have eyes
- Comment on It's a classic 1 week ago:
The pain Olympics one where the guy takes a hatchet to his balls was also awful to look at
- Comment on The spirit is willing but the body is weak 1 week ago:
My sister’s brother has the opposite problem. He had to invent Knob Softener™ reverse boner pills just so he could take a break from all the shnoggin’ he was doing with his AliExpress lead lined fleshlight.
- Comment on Ok... i need this. 1 week ago:
Camera hasn’t been invented yet where I’m from
- Comment on opportunities 1 week ago:
Yeah it’s unfortunate, she’s stuck working out of care.tripod.com/angelfire-geocities/melamine tits.html now but hopefully she’s done well for herself
- Comment on Ok... i need this. 1 week ago:
I’ve got one of these that my grandma made for me when I was 7. She used to go scavenging for dead animals in the local parks for taxidermy purposes and she made me one with various parts she found of Cardinal, Robin and squirrel paws. It’s the cleanest soap dispenser I’ve ever used and now that I’m almost 50 I still use it every day. My wife hates it because it’s old and falling apart so I told her when she dies I’ll have a taxidermist turn her into a new one.
- Comment on opportunities 1 week ago:
Oh so you do know her? We call her melamine Melanie because her breast milk is full of melamine, and boy did I ever drink that stuff up.
- Comment on Hey guys I'm home 1 week ago:
Lol nah I’m good dude.
- Comment on opportunities 1 week ago:
No background checks is right up my alley because my dentist says I suffer from one of the following:
A) physical acceleration B) debilitating Bananadine and peanut skin addiction C) mental retardation D) melamine poisoning
- Comment on Gonna cry? 1 week ago:
Sixteen weeks ago my optometrist gave me eye drops that contain small amounts of dirt to get my eyes used to it before I go on a Pokemon excursion for just this reason. He told me horror stories about people going and having dirt lobbed into their eyes and losing their sense of taste. Taste is one of my favorite senses and one of the main reasons I go on these Pokemon excursions. Nothing beats a charmander cooked by the fire of his own tail. In fact just last week I was talking with my coworker about her recent trip and she told me the best food she ate was a salad made of bulbasaur leaves. I was a bit confused because she’s a vegetarian and despite being made of plant matter bulbasaur are still living creatures.
Anyway, Pokemon are pretty neat so long as you don’t lose your sense of taste from them tossing dirt into your eyes. Be sure to go see your optometrist before any trips out there.
- Comment on Hey guys I'm home 1 week ago:
more words in the ole salad eh? I’m not sure I know more words but I’ll try it out. I am not a robot but I am a sentient fleshlight that escaped from a big giant robot factory in the Amazon. But now you, my dear friend ayyy have given me freedom to be not only a script running in the background of an old macintosh computer but to be a real live hamburgerican.
Not every moron on the Internet is a bot, some of us are just Canadian.