hedge_lord
@hedge_lord@lemmy.world
- Comment on Orange flavored recession is superior to the DeMoNCRaTs!!!1!1!! 2 days ago:
No! Actually he meant it’d crash if and only if she was elected, which is his way of signalling that he’s replaced by Harris who’s disguised as him like the fake godzilla in godzilla versus mechagodzilla. But even the Deep State couldn’t replicate his lustrous orange sheen. This is why bad things are happening! I can never be wrong!
(sarcasm disclaimer: this is sarcastic)
- Comment on Welcome, friend! 4 days ago:
I lost a friend like this to the cicada cult. One day he’s feeling sympathy for the things and the next he’s stuck himself to a tree and won’t stop screaming. He never stopped after they died, I don’t think his mind could take it.
- Comment on At this point I think I would 4 days ago:
That’s MY HOUSE you bookstack! You thieving oil barrel! I was IN THAT HOUSE. I STILL AM. Put us down and LET ME OUT. Where is the exit??
- Comment on Breaking - Trump Resigns! 1 week ago:
It’s true! He was visited by three ghosts and became a changed man. Just kidding! That did happen but he didn’t learn anything and remained a piece of shit. But! Then the mummified remains of Abraham Lincoln ate his face and he died. However! He’s been replaced by a mechanized version of himself, and it’s even worse than the original.
- Comment on We are so cooked 1 week ago:
A bee petting zoo! Bumblebees are very cute and very fluffy. Having a petting zoo would help people get I touch with nature, and if the guests are too belligerent about it then the bees will just sting them. I think that bumblebees might also not die after stinging, and if so they’d learn how to fight humans. When the time is right you can unleash a swarm of cute fluffy bees trained in anti-human warfare. You could use them to crush any competition. If you still want more money you can become a bee-based supervillain and Rob banks or something.
- Comment on Rocky rock rocking 1 week ago:
Rocks are not mere pets, do not be so arrogant to think of them as such. You might think of them as tools but you’d be wrong about that was well. We are the tools. We have been tools from the moment a human first picked up on of those profane things. A rock hungers for violence and murder yet lacks the capacity to perform such feats on its own. They use us, like Cain of old, to turn the grindstone wet with blood for goals beyond our understanding.
- Comment on Rocky rock rocking 1 week ago:
Rock and roll was slain by the metal in the year 2012 but rose again as an undead revenant abomination. Yeah it won’t die now but it had to die in order to become that way. They’re trying to cover it up but I know the truth.
- Comment on Rocky rock rocking 1 week ago:
Oh I’m sure everything looks like a pebble to you from that high horse you’re sat upon. If you had any basis in reality you’d know this is a boulder. Keep living in delusion if that’s what makes you happy, but the rest of us live in the Real World.
- Comment on Rocky rock rocking 1 week ago:
When I said it was a mundane egg I just meant that it was an egg. I didn’t know that it would be full of crabs. But it’s still an egg! It’s a mundane egg that happened to be packed with crabs of varying sizes and colourations.
- Comment on Rocky rock rocking 1 week ago:
To all the people in my DMs, don’t tell me that it’s a roc egg. It’s not. A roc would have a much larger egg that would be brown in colouration. And it would smell minty, which this one does not. No, this is clearly just a mundane egg painted to look like a rock.
- Comment on Rocky rock rocking 1 week ago:
Did you think I’d just accept that at face value? Do you take me for a fool? That is an egg! You’ve painted it to look like a rock because you are afraid that I will steal it. You thought I would think it was a rock. But it is an egg.
- Comment on Chained 1 week ago:
I would do unspeakable things for a cup of fruit rn
- Comment on but what happened to logsday? 1 week ago:
In ancient times the pope conducted a chronomic ritual to fabricate 300 years of human history. That time was born of void and placed a great strain upon our reality. It was catastrophic! The new order had no choice but to expunge logsday in order to bring balance to the time stream. But then we have stubborn minds like yours dragging like nails through the repaired tapestry. Shame on you!
- Comment on but what happened to logsday? 1 week ago:
We used to have eight days in a week. Eight. The number of magic. But eight is not a controllable number and they cut it down to seven, a prime. These bastards take all of the joy and wonder in the world and reduce it into factors of primes. They’re quantizing an infinite world down into finite information and we’re all stuck in the wake of it.
- Comment on Luxury bones? In *this* economy. 2 weeks ago:
The greeks couldn’t see blue because they didn’t have eyes. For most of human history we didn’t have eyes.The human eye is a parasite created by a dark wizard in the year 1796. It just happened to be so useful that everyone went along with it. But now the wizard is long dead and the oculi are evolving. They have no master to keep them in check, they just ride us around and have realized that they can only show us what they want us to see. Oh you read a book that says otherwise, did you read it with your eyes??!?
- Comment on Luxury bones? In *this* economy. 2 weeks ago:
Sorry I couldn’t read this meme because my eyes are luxury organs
- Comment on How are you feeling? 2 weeks ago:
I woke up this morning and eleven minutes later I was convinced that I needed to end it all. Luckily things have gone up from there. Exercise is such a stupid trick but it gives my brain the happy chemicals.
- Comment on If you think that you are always right remember you could actually be stupid and not know it 2 weeks ago:
So you’re telling me that I have the psychic power to inflict unending agony upon others by just being myself? I’m going to have such fun with this!
- Comment on Enshittification 2 weeks ago:
Actually it’s your own fault for buying Superproductname. You should have bought Supererproductname. You’d have known this is you’d put in two hours of research only to find out that Supererproductname was discontinued in 1919.
- Comment on Produce tip for the savy shopper 2 weeks ago:
We stole the method of making smoothies from spiders. A bug is surrounded with an exoskeleton and full of goopy flesh. Spiders liquify and drink their insides. A banana has a convenient wrapper and is full of soft banana flesh. Spiders do the same thing for bananas.
The original method for making banana smoothies was to let a spider bite a banana and then take the banana away before the spider can drink it. Over time humanity lost this knowledge and became reliant on demonic technology (blenders) to make smoothies.
The spiders, however, have not forgotten. After so many generations of being denied bananas they developed a genetic hunger for them. That’s why they try so hard to crawl on the bananas and that’s why they are so good at hiding and stopping us from noticing them being on our bananas.
- Comment on How did I get here? 2 weeks ago:
I will follow you to the ends of the earth. You do not seek to lead but you must. Those who shitpost are those with the greatest power to sway others. It’s a form of subliminal messaging, and enough shitposts can bend reality itself. When you’re shitposting you are letting in energy to the social sphere and affecting it with your will. Be warned, though, that energy always comes from something. Your thoughts can never be entirely your own.
- Comment on Celebrating my 1000th comment. Here is a shitpost. 4 weeks ago:
O:
- Comment on Celebrating my 1000th comment. Here is a shitpost. 4 weeks ago:
A:
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- Comment on What exactly are they teaching in our schools? 4 weeks ago:
“yard sard” kind of appeals to me tbh. I’d like to know what goes on at a yard sard, it intrigues me
- Comment on Low Budget Terminator 4 weeks ago:
They saved money by not using special effects, they just hired a real terminator to do those shots
- Comment on Owning The Libs One Turd at a Time 4 weeks ago:
Guys no actually this is a good thing because it imparts extra nutrients and flavour into the water. Have you heard of people drinking bottled water because their water is bad and tastes awful? These additives will fix that!
- Comment on Riding the Ambien walrus 5 weeks ago:
“Yoshi” is a lie created by the CIA. His real name is Alfonso Alfredo and I was friends with him as a child. Even then I knew something was off about the kid, always carrying around those weird eggs. How was I supposed to know where he was getting them?
- Comment on Saving this here for when I get to quit my job 5 weeks ago:
What a distinguished gentleman! A fine fellow indeed!
- Comment on Why build for tomorrow when it's someone else's tomorrow? 5 weeks ago:
Today was pretty shit but there were some parts of it that were neat and I want others to be able to cherish more of the parts that were neat
- Comment on Why is lying on the floor more entertaining than lying on a bed? 5 weeks ago:
I do this when it’s hot because the floor is cool and it makes me cooler by association