Submitted 7 months ago by clearwaters@lemmy.zip to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Why does he want this? Has something changed where he doesn’t feel welcome at home? Is he trying to get out of the way of you and your girlfriend?
If it’s about independence then it sounds great as long as you can handle the responsibility of it. If it’s just about isolation then this seems more like ya got some relationship mending to do.
What would he do on his own? What would have you done on your own as a kid? If these answers are different, why?
How will negative consequences be handled, like he doesn’t pay rent, runs out of money for food, or he damages the apartment? What about really big ones, like he allows someone to stay over long enough that they become an established tenant, cause problems, and then don’t leave? In your jurisdiction, are there legal consequences for you if he breaks the law that you would not face if he were legally an adult?
Is there a plan for if he decides he wants to move back?
Do you foresee any legal consequences? For instance, if his school learns about this arrangement, will CPS or the police get involved? Is that something you can recover from?
In the right circumstances, I think this is a good idea. As a parent, your job is to prepare him for adulthood. Letting him live on his own, while meeting his needs (food, shelter, healthcare) with a safety net can work. A lot can make these the wrong circumstances. Only you can answer whether or not the circumstances are right in your situation.
Awesome answer
My sister moved to her own little studio when she was 16 back in the 90's, to not have to travel 20 miles by bus back and forth from school from where our parents lived every day.
Swedish Gen X though, so our views on parental pampering of young adults do seem to differ a lot from today's norms.
If he wants to live alone in his own flat, why is he not paying for it? and bills, power, internet, etc? Does he work?
unless you are rich you/him should be putting the cost of the apartment into savings for college. The rich can pay full price for their kids ivy league college and not notice it - almost nobody is that rich.
Want to try independence? That's what a summer job is for. Set it up a city away from you next to where his job is. As a reward for landing a job
I apologize on behalf of my fellow American. Education for free or provided by the government is an alien idea to us.
It’s not about being a “bad dad”. The question is whether this is reasonable with this specific kid. Pros/cons, risks, etc.
Do not do this. His brain is not fully developed and does not process risk/reward as it will. This is a dangerous age that highly benefits from immediate adult feedback to help mitigate… let’s just say ‘bad ideas’ before they fester or are acted upon.
The brain finishes developing and maturing in the mid-to-late 20s. The part of the brain behind the forehead, called the prefrontal cortex, is one of the last parts to mature. This area is responsible for skills like planning, prioritizing, and making good decisions. source
Risk-taking declines between adolescence and adulthood because of changes in the brain’s cognitive control system – changes which improve individuals’ capacity for self-regulation. These changes occur across adolescence and young adulthood and are seen in structural and functional changes within the prefrontal cortex and its connections to other brain regions. The differing timetables of these changes make mid-adolescence a time of heightened vulnerability to risky and reckless behavior. source | more | more
That is strange reasoning. Not living on your own doesn’t help you mature or grow independent at all.
People here move out earlier all the time. I think it’s a great way to foster independence and selfcare.
Would you let a 4 year old live alone or would you call that abuse? At 16 we might survive, but are more likely to flourish and less likely to die when under the care of a guardian. At 16, we want independence, but make bad choices. We can not help it. A guardian can structure increasing independence by first assigning life-tasks under supervision: check the adolescent’s study habits and school work, allow the teen to cook, clean, shop, and budget – but be there to help and advise if/when needed.
There are cases where the parent or guardian is so selfish, awful, or abusive that a teen is better off without the damage caused by their home situation, but in general, these are dangerous years to be unsupervised and countless studies prove it.
Honestly, it sounds perfect. A chance to get some independence, yet still close by so he's got a safety net and support (and so you can simply stay in each others lives)
Seems hardly different from living on another floor of the house, which I did when I was around 6 or 7. This should be more then fine.
What would you do if you were a 16 year old with their own apartment?
I think if you can rent an apartment for your kid, you can get a hotel room in which to bang your girlfriend.
Going by all your comments, honestly, I’d say, why not? Try it out.
Make clear arrangements:
• Clean your apartment every once in a while. • Take good care of yourself, but don’t be afraid to ask for help. • Pay rent.
You could try doing it with a trial for say, half a year, if that goes well, perfect.
Other than that, let 'em go for it.
On the whole it doesn’t sound like the worst idea and obviously you know your kid best.
But c’mon, you never hid stuff from your parents as a teenager?
Same building?
As long as you check in on him and he knows he can come over I’d say it sounds great!
MedicPigBabySaver@lemmy.world 7 months ago
Not a “bad dad” under proper circumstances.
Internet strangers cannot determine your son’s maturity and your relationship. Hopefully you can try a short term lease/tenant at will.