Submitted 23 hours ago by liyah27@lemmy.world to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
How would telling him benefit either of you? As a random stranger in the internet, you don’t need to be the reason he lost his innocent view of the world.
If he starts asking direct questions, give age appropriate answers but I don’t see a reason to tell him unprompted
I think I basically agree with this; but with one caveat. If/when he finds out it should be from you.
Maybe just letting him know the name of the place you work would allow him to figure it out on his own as he gets older. Kinda depends on the relative location and how notorious (or not) the place is in your area.
Do you mind me asking if you’re a parent or caregiver and if so what age you interact with?
I think your take is pretty moderate and reasonable, but as a dad to a five year old I feel that trying to preserve a child’s “innocence” feels misaligned with trying to preserve lifelong hope and faith in goodness. I feel like preservation of innocence implies growing up is an inevitable process of disillusionment. Does that make sense?
Nope
but also he's still going to judge you.
Why would her son judge her negatively? Or do you mean he would appreciate how hard she works to make their life bearable?
None of this is certain and it’s pretty useless to speculate if you don’t know the kid.
Then why even ask the question in the first place? Since no one but OP knows their kid the most.
Why do you think OP is in the United States and not in one of the many countries that are not the US?
Growing up, my mom owned a women’s lingerie store on the main commercial street in the heart of our neighborhood. My teachers and classmates bought their bras and panties from my mom, and everyone knew this. Obviously, this isn’t exactly the same as sex work, but I can tell you I was served well by the fact that I never grew up inheriting want awkwardness or discomfort.
Live a truth you’re not ashamed of and share that truth with your kids at an age appropriate level. You don’t need to be graphic, but tell your kids you work at a club. Tell them you’re a stage performer. If they say, “do you strip?” You can say yes or you can say that stage performances are for an adult audience and you would rather not discuss the details. But of you acted ashamed, you’re giving your kid that shame. As a parent, one of the most important things is that we be the kind of people we want them to be. If you don’t want your kid to be brave/confident/proud/kind/patient/etc. you gotta try and live it.
I’m so tired of your posts. Every single one is so formulaic. ‘I’m a single mom of a 13-year-old boy (yes I had him at 15), he sleeps in the same bed as me, should I tell him I’m dating someone, should I tell him I’m a stripper’… yadda yadda yadda. And sometimes you repost your past posts. To what end? I’m not sure what your deal is and why you insist on inappropriate interactions with your son, but it’s sick. I really hope this is a troll account because otherwise you have a seriously messed-up dynamic in which you treat your son more like a husband than your child, and I guarantee he will need counseling. If this is real you need to get your shit together. Jesus fucking christ.
I can’t see a positive to telling him that information. Kids don’t need to know every detail of their parents’ lives.
What about if a friend tells him first? Wouldn’t that be much worse?
Possibly, but how would a friend know? I’m making an assumption that it would have to be an adult to make the discovery and then make it’s way down to the kids. Not impossible for that to happen, but it’s probably as likely that the son would never find out. Or not find out until he’s an adult and maybe the discussion is had at that time. While it’s not impossible for other kids to get access to this, it’s less likely than if this was a situation where Mom has an only fans or does porn or something that can be accessed on the Internet.
Also: from a practical perspective, how on earth does one keep this a secret?
‘Alright sweetie. Dinner is on the counter. If you need anything Becca next door said to just knock. Promise me you won’t stay up to late, okay?’
‘Sure Mom. But where are you going?’
‘I’ve told you sweetie: don’t ask questions. Bye!’
That makes no sense.
Yes, but how would his ~13 year old friends get into a strip club?
And even if they did, probably only his close friends know what his mom looks like, and likely won't even recognise her in that setting
Judge the risk of him finding out from someone else. I think only you can decide that, based on your situation and peers.
When he finds out, it should be from you. And you don’t have to go into specifics when you tell him.
Picture it from his perspective. If one of his friends (who found out from their parent or something) tells your son, do you want him to be surprised you were keeping a secret based on how some teenage boy describes it? Or would you want him to already know the basics from you?
Don’t make-it a big deal, and your kid won’t make-it a big-deal
But his friends most definitely will if they find out.
They will most likely find out anyway, and it’s better to have the kid hear it from the parent than from his friends.
Stripping isn’t a shameful profession. Treating it as such (by not telling your son) just perpetuates the idea that it is. Sure his friends may say something if/when they find out, but kids that age would react that way to anything around “sex” type issues. Best situation, this turns out to be an opportunity to educate him, his friends and others.
Don’t tell him. Just a bad idea all around for a kid that age to have the stigma at school if that gets out, which it likely will.
Not telling him will not prevent it from getting out. Him hearing about it at school is worse than him hearing it from the parent.
How is his ~13 year old friends going to go to a strip club?
And even if they did, the vast majority probably doesn't know what she looks and even if they did there is a good chance they wouldn't recognise her
It is wild what 13 year olds grasp and even more wild what they retain.
I would just tell him you are a waitress.
You prolly should have that talk after you re able to stop.
He should know that he lives in a depraved country where one job is not enough and people are forced into sex work to make life work.
This is not a moral failing, this is a systemic issue.
But normies would rather dunk on less fortunate because in US hate the poor and go out of our way to make their lives shitter
Perspectivist@feddit.uk 21 hours ago
Almost every single post from you mentions that you’re a single mom to a 13 year old and you ask about things like co-sleeping, wether it’s okay to wear bikinis in front of your son and his friends, how to teach them about bodily changes during puberty and now you’re a stripper as well.
I’ve been seeing you around here for a while now and there’s seems to be a theme here.
Boddhisatva@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
Every single post I can see for OP is now “deleted by creator”
neidu3@sh.itjust.works 18 hours ago
On a different Lemmy board I usually serve users with a temporary ban for “Hit&Run”. While it’s not explicitly against the rules to delete one’s own posts, removing content once a few answers have been provided seems very selfish, it’s not fair to the ones who reply and want to read a full thread, and it’s especially infuriating to the ones who write a lengthy reply only to find out after the fact that nobody will read it. It goes against the spirit of the community in general and it’s really annoying at best.
ruuster13@lemmy.zip 19 hours ago
You don’t cont come here for the lemcel fantasy softcore?
swordgeek@lemmy.ca 19 hours ago
Ohhhh, it’s her!
Yeah, troll.
ruuster13@lemmy.zip 19 hours ago
You don’t come here for the lemcest fantasy softcore?
andrewrgross@slrpnk.net 18 hours ago
What’s your point, though?
Do you think op is making up salacious posts for attention? Do you thick they’re overly sexual, and should curtail that?
I’d like to know what you’re thinking specifically.
Bane_Killgrind@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 hours ago
That’s the general vibe I got, this is probably what he was thinking too