Comment on Has this ever happened to you?
echodot@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
It’s a test and you failed it by being weird and strange and obnoxious, just let her bring her friend it’s literally not a downside for you. She’ll feel more comfortable by bringing her friend which can only be a good thing for you.
I don’t really consider myself to be particularly spectacular in the social department but even I wouldn’t have reacted like that. To be cross, why wouldn’t you want more girls on your date?
The test was “Is this guy so desperately horny that he’ll pay for meals and drinks for two, even though neither one of us has any intention of having sex with him, and having a friend along makes it even easier to steer the conversation away from any path that might lead to sex?”
Yeah, that’s a test you want to fail. Those women are predators.
Yeah the problem with that conspiracy theory of yours is nowhere in the text does it ever even suggest that there is any expectation that the friend would have to be paid for. Or indeed that the guy in is even being expected to pay for the girls meal.
It also sounds like a first date, which is not something that is usually all that elaborate, so if this is some evil trap to get free food it’s going to basically be a taco maybe a sandwich something not something worth the effort.
Do you understand how conversation works?
When he says he isn’t paying for the friend, the proper thing to say is that he isn’t expected to pay for her, she’s just there for safety.
But she doesn’t say that, she justifies her friend’s presence, which isn’t his issue. His problem is paying for it, and she carefully avoids confirming that she doesn’t expect that, which means that she DOES expect that.
Not once did she tell him that he wouldn’t have to pay for her friend, despite him being very clear that was his objection. She expected him to pay.
Predators
honestly… I would be happy to have more people just for the sake of meeting them and having a fun friends day out. Does not need to be a date. We could just hangout.
Then join a club or something.
Dating isn’t about making friends.
Yeah, that’s great if it’s just a hang, but that’s not what this was. This was clearly supposed to be a serious date, the kind that hopefully leads to a relationship, sex, a life together, marriage, kids, retirement, etc.
If I’m taking a girl out for a nice romantic dinner, I’m expecting a certain sort of meeting, and I’m willing to pay significantly more to create the atmosphere in which we can open up and start to explore the idea of a future.
But if she decides she wants to bring a friend, that changes everything. Now the entire dynamic of the date has changed, and we can’t have the kind of personal conversation I’d like to have (and she would want to have, if she was being honest about accepting the date), and splurging on a fancy restaurant is a waste.
If she decides that she’d rather have a fun, casual hang-out, that’s fine, but I was looking for a serious date. I’m not willing to spend the same kind of money on a friendly hang-out as I would on a serious date, and it’s pretty offensive that my date has unilaterally decided that we won’t be having a serious date, we will have a casual hang-out with her friend, but they still expect me to pay for it as if it was that original serious date.
She did not accept this date in Good Faith, and he is under no obligation to indulge her disingenuous behavior. He’s actually lucky that her true nature became apparent BEFORE he spent a lot of money on her. Save that for a girl who isn’t a predator.
To be crass, why wouldn’t you want more girls on your date?
If you believed the person was only coming along to heckle you or otherwise be annoying, I can imagine why.
But why go out at all on these terms?
This play is regarded as a common ploy.
Rakonat@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Dude never said friend can’t come, dude just said he’s not covering her bill.
I’m fine with a girl bringing a buddy or backup but don’t make it a third wheel unless your intention from the start is a menage trios.
SuluBeddu@feddit.it 3 weeks ago
Dude showed he’s annoyed seeing girl seeks protection, by calling the friend RoboCop, and implied she might have wanted him to pay for both, putting carriage before horses.
What you say literally can often show what you think inside, and in a first date scenario every sign will be interpreted
For example, not showing much respect for the female need for protection on a first date can mean dude doesn’t think women have reason to feel unsafe
Rakonat@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Your read of the situation is pretty tilted, ngl.
He said he’s not paying for her, the implication is they are going out to eat for a date. Not chilling at home or somewhere in private. Bestie can chill somewhere else other than at the table the date is happening at, if homegirl feels threatened or scared of the guy she can signal for bestie.
I can totally understand wanting a trusted friend around to ensure a date goes fine, hell ive done it several times for girls and guys I’m friends with. But that safety net can stay in the background and doesn’t need to be at the table interfering with the date. But never once did I expect the friend I was wingmanning for to buy me food or drink while I hovered in the background. All homegirl had to say is bestie is paying their own way or homegirl was gonna give her some money.
SuluBeddu@feddit.it 3 weeks ago
Mh is he not showing he’s annoyed by her friend tagging along? And why bringing money up?
I mean, if it were happening to me, where I live, I wouldn’t even think she was going to expect me to pay not even for herself, and if she ends up expecting or pressuring me, I just know she’s not the one. What’s there to be scared of? Worst case scenario I just leave my part on the table and go away
I know of memes about women going to first fates just to have nights out without paying, but it’s very far from what I see happening where I live, and I suspect it’s just manophase echo chamberism. Because, again, one can just put their part on the table and leave, and perhaps date within one’s social circle so to avoid this kind of social distortion
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 3 weeks ago
To be fair to him, his first response was just that he wasn’t paying for her. Her reply to that was about how she invited her for protection but she did not say anything about how they didn’t expect him to pay.
SuluBeddu@feddit.it 3 weeks ago
I see… Yeah I’m pretty sure that in such a case, where I’m expected to pay, not even asked to, I would definitely cancel, be it one or two people… This is so uncommon in m6 experience that I didn’t even think that could be a case
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 3 weeks ago
They’re having a date in a public restaurant, she doesn’t need “protection.” She can have her friend call mid-date to offer a bail-out excuse, like everyone else does.
The only reason for her friend to be present is to scam a free meal and a bunch of expensive drinks. These girls are predators, get a real date. There are plenty of women who would love to go out to dinner on a real date, not just to scam a free dinner and drinks from some chump.
SuluBeddu@feddit.it 3 weeks ago
Yeah… you see, exactly because people who think like you exist, women have to look for clues right away that they are not going to date a misogynist…
Women need protection when meeting with strangers, basically all women have life experience that make them feel they need it. I’m sure you as a guy are able to take no for an answer, but your date doesn’t know that yet, and it takes just one guy who doesn’t to ruin a woman’s dating experience and possibly her health and safety.
I do know women who don’t feel that need, but that’s mostly because they are ignoring their own and their friends’ past experiences. It’s their choice ofc, but it’s universally accepted among women that it’s not a strange thing to do, in fact is the safest thing to do.
If some women then abuse that need to try to freeride, it’s another discussion, and as a guy I would simply drop the date if I were in that situation. But the need exists, it is valid, and not validating this need to your date will raise a red flag.
SchwertImStein@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
ménage à trois?
Rakonat@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
yeah my keyboard doesn’t have those funni french accents.
SchwertImStein@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
that’s excusable, but you also lost “a” and butchered “trois”
cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
What?
Tomato666@lemmy.sdf.org 3 weeks ago
Literally: a household of three. A thrupple in modern parlance
SchwertImStein@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
the last 2 words in the parent comment should have been these 3