I moved to Seattle for a high-paying tech job. It turned out to be the loneliest time of my life.

Comments

• sin_free_for_00_days@sopuli.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  So this guy just sounds like he had trouble adulting after college. Happens to many, regardless of industry.

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  • reversebananimals@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Yep - this article is just a desparate attempt to try and blame a company that people don’t like for a completely normal life experience.

    I really do not understand the obsession with Business Insider articles on Lemmy. They are such trash.

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    • otter@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Not just on Lemmy, it’s everywhere

      I think it’s partially because of how much content they put out. If you look up something, chances are they’ll have an article for it. They’re also super active on social media & YouTube, so it’s just everywhere.

      So then people see it more often and it gets posted on here more often

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  • ultratiem@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    TBH tech is its unique dark horse. Especially raw coding. I’m on the front end and still, juniors are expected to basically glue themselves to a screen 10h a day. I get into flow and after about 5h straight of nothing but a screen, and man, your brain is just loopy.

    Sitting at a desk in front of a screen is an awful existence.

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  • jdf038@mander.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Yeah literally all of this was me (who also would have benefitted from therapy at his age)

    Reading it on one hand made me feel wiser but on the other made me feel old as fuck.

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• _bug0ut@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  I feel bad for this dude, but not for the reasons he wants me to.

  Nearing 40 and being pretty staunchly no-kids, I always got along great with all of the devs and admins I work with who have kids and we find plenty to talk about. I always thought what I do for a living is pretty cool, but I certainly never expected that to be my ticket to getting laid or being praised as some big-brain special boy. This dude felt one-dimensional because he is one-dimensional. Maybe he just never really spent the time developing his personality and maybe its time to do that now. It’s one thing to love what you do, its another entirely to make your job your identity - you gotta bring more to the table in social situations than shop talk and Squid Game.

  As for complaining about a routine… I mean, that’s unfortunately how being an adult works for 90% of us. We have jobs, we often end up kind of worn out even if we sit at a desk all day, and it can suck - you make the best of it and break the monotony as best you can. If he wanted to be in the remaining 10%, he probably should’ve put in the effort. Those folks he mentions at Y Combinator, or starting nonprofits probably busted their asses to break through. Even content creators who put out quality content often are often run ragged from overworking. Did this dude think staying in NY would have given him extra energy?

  Fuck outta here with this garbage, Business Insider.

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  • Orbituary@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Hear me out: I’ve lived I Seattle 15 years and it can be annoying, but it’s what you make of it. However, if Business Insider wants to make it look bad, that’s better for all of us here. The fewer people who move here the better.

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    • _bug0ut@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Hah, fair enough. I’ve never been there, but I’ve always wanted to try living somewhere in the PNW at some point. This is clearly a him problem and I wonder if being a working stiff would have begun tainting his view of NY with time, too. He doesn’t realize it, yet, but what he’s doing in that regard is looking back fondly on his college days.

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  • just_another_person@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    ☝️☝️☝️

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• SeriousBug@infosec.pub ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  Men will literally write a Business Insider article instead of going to therapy. No really, I feel like this guy could benefit from some therapy.

  It wasn’t until I met a few women on dating apps that I realized being a software engineer in a tech hub is far from special. Working at companies like Amazon or Microsoft just isn’t interesting; it’s the norm here.

  It’s weird to expect that you’d get dates just for being an engineer. What? Like if someone did date you just because you are an engineer, that would be such a shallow relationship.

  I think one big reason for that is software engineering doesn’t require socially demanding skills like in product management or UX design.

  Strongly disagree, software engineering is mostly social skills. It’s all about communicating problems, learning your users pain points, explaining your solutions, and coordinating work. Coding the actual solutions is typically the easy part unless you are doing cutting edge computer science research.

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  • captainlezbian@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Yeah like I’m sorry but I get laid despite being an engineer. There aren’t women lining up to date us, and those that do learn the error of their ways real fast.

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  • Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Yeah what. In my experience you won’t get far as a software engineer without those skills unless maybe you’re very highly specialised at which point those skills become highly desirable rather than mandatory.

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• SeaJ@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  After work, I was often too tired to socialize, so from 5 p.m. to 10 p.m. I ended up making dinner alone or doing house chores.

  Yeah. It turns out when you do not socialize, you may feel lonely. There are tons of meet up groups that he could have looked into here. There are even ones specifically for transplants trying to get by in the city. One thing Seattleites won’t do for you is do all of the work. He is right that people here are good at small talk but if you are looking to befriend someone, it’s up to you to put in the effort because chances are that we already have a large group of friends.

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• Nurgle@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  Nobody tells you making friends is hard.

  The seattle freeze??? It’s like a major major trope, usually one of the first things people warn you about when moving to seattle.

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• instamat@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  The timing certainly sucked since he moved to seattle when Covid hit, but he comes across as pretty boring. Get some hobbies guy, and work on your personality.

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  • surewhynotlem@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    " You’re not bored. You’re boring" is pretty true, if you have the means to go out and do things.

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    • instamat@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Great way to put it. If you make six figures a year, your options for leisure time activities and hobbies are much greater.

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• autotldr@lemmings.world [bot] ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  This is the best summary I could come up with:

  ---

  This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Alexander Nguyen, a software engineer who moved from New York City to Seattle for a job at Amazon.

  I was surprised by how much people in Seattle liked making small talk; they asked me how my days were going, which wasn’t something I normally experienced in New York City.

  I then spent four or five hours either working on coding tasks or having more sit-in meetings, just to hear what other people’s designs or software thoughts were about.

  I think that’s what really made me lonely: The only people I knew in Seattle were my coworkers, and I couldn’t relate with them — I had a hard time getting to know them on a personal level.

  And on Blind, an anonymous forum where verified employees discuss issues mainly related to tech, I often come across stories from people sharing about how lonely they are.

  I think one big reason for that is software engineering doesn’t require socially demanding skills like in product management or UX design.

  ---

  The original article contains 1,459 words, the summary contains 175 words. Saved 88%. I’m a bot and I’m open source!

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• Reygle@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

  This is exactly what I’d expect a millennial to say about any life in any city with any job.
  “What do you MEAN adult life is boring, lonely bullshit?!” Welcome to reality, kiddo.

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