Title
I appease while attempting to flee usually
How to deal with agression?
Submitted 2 days ago by sem@piefed.blahaj.zone to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Comments
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 day ago
LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Make daily vigorous exhausting physical exercise part of your life. Thank me later.
NutinButNet@hilariouschaos.com 1 day ago
Start by recognizing the three states: passive, assertive, and aggressive and learn how to maintain that balance in being assertive.
You don’t want to be aggressive, which is when you are on the offensive and is overtly rude/disrespectful and hostile.
You also don’t want to be passive, which is when you let people run you over and railroad everything you do. You let people disrespect you.
You want to be assertive. You are honest and upfront about your wants/needs in a respectful and calm manner. You make compromises when appropriate and necessary. You aren’t railroading others nor allowing others to railroad you. You understand that others exist and ensure others remember that you exist as well.
The difficulty, at least for me, is that assertive can sometimes come off as aggressive. But standing up for yourself in a reasonable manner is not, no matter what people may think or say. Sometimes someone may think that because you speak up for yourself, that’s aggressive behavior, but it’s really not. Simply telling someone else, “That hurt my feelings and I’d like for you not to do that again” on its own is not an aggressive reaction but assertive.
TranquilTurbulence@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
Try to figure out if there’s a pattern. Maybe all the aggression-inducing events have something in common. Maybe that’s an emotion you haven’t processed or even noticed.
Could be a moment where you feel hurt, ashamed, vulnerable, helpless, hopeless, or whatever. Start by naming that emotion.
Once you figure that out, you can start processing that emotion and what causes it. Eventually, anger and aggression won’t control you anymore.
sem@piefed.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
Thanks. That sounds like a good way to break it into chunks.
Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
Guns and profanity
sem@piefed.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
This was the kind of answer I wanted.
Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
I just channeled my innermerican
Kolanaki@pawb.social 1 day ago
From within yourself or from others?
y0kai@anarchist.nexus 2 days ago
More aggression!
/s
If you can leave quickly and quietly, do it.
slazer2au@lemmy.world 2 days ago
You don’t.
db2@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Hit it head on.
cerebralhawks@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
In person or online?
If it can’t physically affect you, you can safely ignore it. If it can, best to stay out of its way.
sem@piefed.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
What if I have the aggression?
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Learn to recognize it and step away. Taking a walk really does help. Decisions made in anger cannot be undone. Most mature people will hear “hey I’m feeling pretty emotional about this topic, I’m going to go clear my head and think on it for a half hour or so” and understand and let you go with little to no judgment. As you get into that habit you’re likely to find yourself less and less aggressive. You instinctively do what you practice doing, right now that may be lashing out, but hard work can change that.
Having parents who were really bad at emotional regulation resulted in me not really being taught it well. But I found myself embarrassing myself and hurting those around me. I got big on walking my feelings out, and started using the CBT techniques I learned for anxiety, and they worked. Eventually it really became second nature. Big feelings are now followed by introspection. In the rare cases I snap at someone it’s immediately followed by an apology, stepping away, and introspection with an appropriate for the situation explanation.
cerebralhawks@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
Much harder question to answer. If the aggression comes from external stimuli, learning to mitigate it is just part of growing up (and, I don’t mean reaching the age of majority; I mean growing as a person… there are people in their 50s and 60s trying to figure some things out — that’s why older folks say youth is wasted on the young, because after figuring a lot of these things out, they haven’t got that much time and certainly aren’t in their teens or 20s). Like for example if it’s road rage — people making you mad on the road — leave earlier, first of all, as that reduces the stress of reaching your destination on time; second, try listening to more soothing music. This is subjective — if metal calms you down, by all means, horns up. In fact, it isn’t even metal music I’m thinking of driving aggression behind the wheel — it’s political news and political podcasts. Especially the ones telling us who to fear or who to hate. For most of us, the most harm we will do is actually to ourselves and our loved ones rather than the people our political masters tell us to hurt or hate. Focus on something else. If you prefer talking to music, audiobooks are awesome. While the bestsellers tend to feature a lot of tense situations (drama), there are some that are lighter. For me, I go for Japanese light novels (equivalent to young adult fiction). So, like adventures and stuff. The ones made into audiobooks have also been made into anime, and they usually get the actual anime voice actors to read you the book, so, it’s like anime in audio/spoken format. If that’s not your jam, well, there are loads of other options. As for music, I can point to a handful of songs I just cannot get mad if I’m hearing, but they wouldn’t work for others.
cRazi_man@europe.pub 1 day ago
You’ll basically be doing self therapy. Worth doing some writing or deep thinking on where this again is coming from. Spreading or hearing podcasts or watching media on the subject tends to help. I would say this needs thinking about in the “cold state” (i.e. when not in heightened emotion and while completely calm and relaxed, but remembering the last undesirable event). Then you can work incrementally on what you can change next time.
Here’s an episode from a podcast I like, to get you started:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9WZgqcu3QE
Or actual audio podcast of you prefer:
podcastindex.org/podcast/453567?episode=334182577…
Hulking Out! Why You Change When You’re Angry
When mild-mannered David Banner gets mad he transforms into the raging Incredible Hulk. Dr Laurie Santos loves this comic book tale - because it reflects real life. Intense things like anger, pain, even hunger, can cause us to act in extreme ways that we might not predict beforehand or forgive af…
(She must have gotten so so so many messages for calling him “David Banner”.)
justdaveisfine@piefed.social 1 day ago
Like being aggressive towards others irl, find yourself rage spiraling, or something else?
DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Just have main character syndrome and ignore the NPCs
-Sincerely, your friendly neighborhood NPC
:P
AlexLost@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Meditation. I have anger issues, and I find first you must recognize it in yourself, then you can choose how to act. I walk away rather than get all riled up. I love a good argument, but sometimes you just shoot yourself in the foot when you start seeing red. Being able to find a meditative state will help you step back from the aggression when it arises in you