Comment on Has this ever happened to you?
Beacon@fedia.io 3 weeks agoI respect it, but i don't get it, and it would be a complete deal breaker for me. What do you think a person on a date in a public place is gonna do to you? You're both in a room full of people.
hypnicjerk@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
right, this is basically saying “i don’t trust you not to spike my drink, take me to a second location, and rape me”
and maybe you shouldn’t be online dating at all if that’s where you start out from
Beacon@fedia.io 3 weeks ago
But even then, no one needs to ask you out on a date to do that. Any time you go out in public by yourself that could happen just as easily.
Blueberrydreamer@lemmynsfw.com 3 weeks ago
Most women don’t make a habit of going out to bars alone, for good reason. It’s a very real risk.
As a guy who’s been roofied (presumably by accident, still don’t know what happened) I sure as hell don’t blame them.
Beacon@fedia.io 3 weeks ago
I didn't say anything about a bar
Blueberrydreamer@lemmynsfw.com 3 weeks ago
Why should they trust some random dude they met on a dating app?
You act like that’s some crazy fear, but it happens all the fucking time.
If you’re that dismissive of other people’s concerns, maybe you shouldn’t be online dating at all.
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Why should he trust her?
You’re coming from a place of internalized misandry and fear.
axexrx@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Tbf you don’t have to think all men are rapists to be careful, just that at least one is, and that you dont necessarily know how to spot one.
Blueberrydreamer@lemmynsfw.com 3 weeks ago
He shouldn’t, and the fact that that idea doesn’t even cross most men’s minds is an enormous privilege.
I don’t know about you, but I generally take a little time getting to know someone before I decide to trust them. Why on earth would you not?
What you don’t seem to consider is the risk involved. When the consequence of misplaced trust is potentially rape or death, a small amount of caution is plainly warranted.
Nobody is out here assuming all men are rapists, that question is as irrelevant as it is idiotic. The point is that any man could be a rapist, and those odds sure as hell aren’t small enough to just roll the dice on some rando you’ve never met.
It’s easier for us (I’m assuming you’re male too). I don’t really have to care. The worst consequence we can reasonably expect is what? A too attached girl who won’t leave you alone? When was the last time you went on a date with someone who could physically restrain you? It’s not the fucking same, no matter how much you want to pretend it is.
commie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
misandry doesn’t real
hypnicjerk@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
no one says they have to, but they probably shouldn’t, i dunno, go out on a date with them if they can’t.
call it a crazy thought, but if i were premeditating sexual assault, i probably wouldn’t choose someone who has my name, photos, phone number, and a history of correspondence to show motive. lol
Blueberrydreamer@lemmynsfw.com 3 weeks ago
Do you all have a different idea of what a date is than me or something? The point is to get to know someone you don’t know yet. I guess if you were communicating for weeks beforehand this might seem weird, but that’s making some big assumptions. You’re acting like this woman has requested her friend accompany her for every moment of their ongoing relationship. It’s wild to me to get so insecure about someone not fully trusting you this first time you meet. Trust is built over time, and it’s not a slight against you if someone wants to protect themselves.
And yet, a casual examination of history shows that it happens all the time. And more often than not, charges never get brought up.
Now certainly the perceived frequency is far higher than the actual likelihood, but I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to roll those dice.