kind of a continuation of a previous post i made in here awhile back.

I feel like Nio waking from the Matrix, Dorothy falling down the rabbithole, like that dude from the great gatsby having finally made it big realizing he’ll never be apart of this world he see’s, like…you get the idea.

one big problem here is just this…i was pretty much raised by tv/movies/the internet, and i’v spent such an …unhealthily… amount of time alone through my developing years and beyond (an american otaku i guess) that…as I make all these references to movies and shit i relate to…i start to doubt even myself, i’v done some psychedelics in the past so i know how fragile the human psyche can be.

on top of that, if anyone here is familiar with Alan Watts…I feel now exactly has he describes people who are “awakened” (i know he’s an entertainer first…just saying his lectures describe how i feel lately exactly)

I can’t help but feel like…there are a lot of basic things I should know, a lot of things people seem to take as so basic they don’t need explaining, while others seem to completely avoid these same things like the very idea of looking at objective measurable truth threatens their very existence. but again…i doubt my own eyes and ears so what judge am i of objective measurable truth

imagine if you will an innocent little boy from the midwest, who had no father figure of note and whose mother was too busy working non-stop to feed/cloth/house him, that she never really got into the weeds of raising him. and imagine if this boy somehow made it to his late 20’s before…well, before losing his innocence as they say. but he’s so unsure of his own self that he doesn’t know where his problems end (because there obviously is something wrong with him/his brain) and which are just…a natural reaction to a fucked up society. (shit, isnt that basically the plot of chainsaw man? guess that’s why they say the point of art is to tell people messages…but all art seems to have the same message)

so here’s the question…

what things should this boy have been taught? what basic facts of life is everyone else working on they’re not?

(please don’t worry for my health or anything…I uh…i’m pretty sure I’m going to check into some kind of wellness/rehab facility soon)