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Ask them to explain what is funny about threatening and joking about mentally abusing your child’s future relationships.
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Submitted 3 weeks ago by phdepressed@sh.itjust.works to askdad@lemmy.world
Comments
AndiHutch@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
warbond@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I really like the idea of playing dumb with this.
“Why would I get a gun?”
“Protection from whom?”
“Why wouldn’t I trust her to make smart decisions regarding potential romantic partners?”A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
Let them explain themselves, maybe they’ll realize how dumb the joke was.
miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
“Education, instilling confidence, and strong parenting will make that totally unecessary.”
Then the commentors can self-examine their fails.
wjrii@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Yes, lots of emotional brinkmanship in this one. Grandparents can absolutely be toxic enough to warrant no- or low-contact, but I don’t see where OP has indicated they’re close to that point. This is a retrograde joke from the grandpas, but in the US it’s also utterly cliche and doesn’t necessarily imply much. Something along the lines of your suggestion could absolutely be a better option in the early going. You could even make it more casual at first: “Nah, this one’s going to be able to take care of herself. We’re making sure of it.”
warbond@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Personally I wouldn’t wait to get to that point. Had I made it clear early on that “used to be okay” jokes or comments were not, in fact, okay, I probably would have saved myself a lot of heartache.
Confronting loved ones over unacceptable behavior is a necessary skill that takes practice to develop, and I would have been better served if I had done so from the start with my in-laws.
Perhaps I wouldn’t repeat OP verbatim, but there are a lot of ways to get the basic point across.
spittingimage@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Tell 'em guns are loud and obvious, so you’re getting a length of piano wire and two wooden pegs.
blarghly@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
OP is a Lemming. Clearly he would go with a cheap katana he bought in a shopping mall.
Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 3 weeks ago
“if you’re thinking about my kid sexually, then yes, I need a gun”
A_norny_mousse@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
Cultural differences I guess but I’m unsure what that comment is supposed to allude?
Is it about her being chased by boys, later in life, that a properly protective dad needs to chase off with a shotgun? A comment like that would be fucked up even if she was a teenager already, but right now she’s a baby who’s sex you cannot even tell. WTF is going on in these people’s heads?
givesomefucks@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Cultural differences I guess but I’m unsure what that comment is supposed to allude?
People take it as the dad getting final approval…
But it’s also about guys that won’t take no for an answer.
So really, the answer OP is probably looking for is:
I’ll get her a gun when she’s ready to shoot it herself.
But the fucked up reality is, some people are going to be interested in someone’s daughter before she’s old enough to shoot her own gun.
It’s less about viewing your daughter as your own property, and more understanding that a lot of really shitty people already consider your daughter property, and don’t see “theft” as a deal breaker.
Most men honestly never have to think like a woman/girl has to until they have a daughter.
And for women/girls, the world is a hell of a lot more dangerous than for a man/boy.
OP really should have talked to his wife before random people on the internet. There’s a valuable conversation here
Usernameblankface@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I’ve taken to telling people that she will learn martial arts and be her own gun, the problematic boys better look out for her!
But I don’t have people in my life who adamantly and repeatedly go back to the same comment. Might want to point out that it’s weird to think about your daughter dating and boys messing around with her while she’s still so small.
phdepressed@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Something along those lines might work. Not so much “adamantly” but yeah they’re often repetitive, just part of who they are. The grandpas at least aren’t meaning to come across as they are, which is why I haven’t gone the direct confrontation route, from other experience that doesn’t go well but well worded “snark” or sarcasm oddly enough seems to work. These are old brown men who have improved a lot over the years. Knowing how to confront them in a way that leads to a desired effect is a skill.
Idk maybe I’m not treating this with appropriate concern, my childhood was filled with older women telling me I’d be a lady killer when I grew up, pinching my cheeks, and asking to steal my eyelashes…
HubertManne@piefed.social 3 weeks ago
Get a gun types are always going to be like that. You won't change them no matter how witty the response.
BeardedBlaze@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Tell them “until you knock it off, we won’t be seeing/talking to you”.
Glitch@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Teach people how you want to be treated and communicated with. “I don’t like that kind of joke”. Will make the other person feel awkward enough that they should remember, and if they explicitly don’t care or modify their behavior then you know it’s malicious
Clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
“I understand the joke you are making, but I don’t appreciate the humor nor the sexualization of my infant daughter. Please stop making these kind of crude remarks”
One of thing things with parenting no one prepares you for is having to stand up to your parents when they over step. The better the relationship you have with them, the harder it can be.
Boundaries are always good when stated clearly and best communicated without emotion.
BobDolesBBallHandle@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Let traditionalists be themselves and focus your love and energy on raising/supporting the little girl who will be an independent woman.
Putting girls in that box where every male in their life has an opinion about her life should not be an option.
Support her choice to choose activities that help her build confidence.
And since everyone has “opinions” make sure you invite them to support her. Assuming they are supportive and your daughter appreciates their presence (later in life).
In summary, no response is needed.
Have fun being a dad.
BaroqueInMind@piefed.social 3 weeks ago
Get an actual gun and take it to the range occasionally so as to eventually become an expert on firearm safety and proper use, so you can come from a place of ideological authority and tell them that firearms are not used for threats, because brandishing one is actually fucking illegal.
marduk@lemmy.sdf.org 3 weeks ago
Wow, based
phdepressed@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Neither grandpa knows guns and ironically enough would likely be against actually owning them. I already know how to use a gun since I’m from SC and had friends take me skeet/target shooting. However, I’m currently in NY where ownership is a major pain and personally dont trust a gun in my home.