Comment on I've heard it clears up again after the first wave of divorces

• Larry@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

  If you’re looking for good men at 35 you’re also single for a reason

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  • peopleproblems@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    Not necessarily. If she was an anxious attached style she’d be more likely to fall for avoidant men. She could either:

    1. Now recognize the red flags of avoidants and not subject herself to that.
    2. Be unaware of the red flags of avoidants and keep making the same mistake
    3. Recently left a long term relationship as an secure individual and discover how many avoidants really exist.

    Of course you are right, she could be avoidant to, in which case hopefully she’ll learn sooner rather than later that fearing intimacy and vulnerability is detrimental, and that healthy codependency is actually a thing. But it’s not easy for them to do so.

    I don’t like to think that everyone is incapable of finding someone, people just need to figure out why. Pointing out “single for a reason” seems counterproductive and a bit disrespectful.

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    • cheeseandrice@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

      I think “single for a reason” is what all that attachment theory shit is trying to help contextualize. It specifically sets the context as “single for a fixable reason”.

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      • GluWu@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

        Is living in the forest because I’m afraid of the federal government a “fixable” reason?

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      • peopleproblems@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

        I suppose I didn’t consider the act of an anxious attached falling for the avoidant attached as that “reason” I sort of chalked that up to luck.

        But your right, anxious attachment tends to end up with avoidant and the anxious attachment needs to learn how to desensitize to intense passion often given by avoidants.

        The anxious attached individual has a lot of work to do in regards to understanding their personal value rather than their value to others, where the avoidant has immense work to do on the value of others and the value of themselves.

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    • Cypher@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

      Sorry you’re so incurably single you’ve latched onto dating advice thats as accurate as horoscopes.

      Like I hope it gets better for you but… yikes.

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      • peopleproblems@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

        It’s not dating advice, it’s attachment theory.

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  • KyuubiNoKitsune@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    Thanks.

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  • Trainguyrom@reddthat.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    I mean there’s plenty of reasons to be single at 35 that aren’t necessarily a knock against you as a potential partner. Long term partner cheated on you, long term partner died, long term partner grew apart, active duty in the military for 18 years, maybe the person threw themselves into work and was too focused on work to date or maybe they were caring for a declining family member and too busy to date, or maybe they were going through shit and they’re finally ready to date again after a lot of time healing and climbing out. You get the picture

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• Kecessa@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

  No matter the gender the issue is the same

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• peopleproblems@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

  Or we became so insecure in our previous relationship that we’re terrified of meeting new people :).

  Can’t get hurt that way.

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• pyre@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

  single for a reason

  is the reason maybe that it’s hard dating after 35 or is that only a valid excuse for women?

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  • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    is the reason maybe that it’s hard dating after 35 or is that only a valid excuse for women?

    it’s easier to blame other people than realize you aren’t a catch either.

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• Rakonat@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

  If you think the single men are bad that age, look at the women!

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