Or you could live in a less urban area, specifically one where transplants are less common than people who grew up less than 30 min away. People who never left their home town, whose friend group also never left, still have all their friends from school and don’t need or want more. They don’t really want to be your friend even if you do click. You can meet them out dozens of times and have running jokes when you see each other, but they’ll never go out of their way to make or keep plans.
Everyone who moves to my current area says basically the same thing about how difficult it is to make friends here. People much more commonly get their friends hired with them than make friends with new people who get hired, so even that hasn’t been a super fruitful endeavor. Only people I’ve managed to make lasting friends with have also been from elsewhere and struggled.
That’s not to say people aren’t nice and welcoming, they are, they just aren’t welcoming into their social circles.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
Yep. I’m exhausted after work, but when I spend some time after work biking I find I’m less exhausted after work once I’ve gotten used to it. Then add social events and yeah, I might need a day of rest regularly, but I also need to get out and do stuff regularly.
Also, learning to flirt is hard and vital. You will make an ass of yourself. Eventually though you get good at it. I’m an awkward dweeb with crap social skills, and yet after learning to flirt and years practicing I’ve managed to find myself making out with strangers on nights out every once in a while. The vital addendum is learning to chat with strangers and have a good time without it going further. Once again, awkward weirdo, but I’ve had so many lovely evenings out chatting with people I may or may not see again. It’s fun and results in a good reputation.
ameancow@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
The best advice I’ve gotten and given about flirting, is to not think about flirting, don’t think about the relationship game, don’t think about outcomes or consequences, instead focus on being just a little more bold than you’re normally comfortable with.
Don’t even try it if you’re not already getting more comfortable chatting and hanging out with people. Flirting is just friendliness with confidence. You have to walk before you can run. It also helps to have at least one person you trust enough to tell you where you’re being weird or how you’re coming off to new people.
Wildmimic@anarchist.nexus 2 hours ago
I agree on this. I just commented on my AvPD, which makes social contacts … complicated (just look in my comment history).
I haven’’t been without a partner since i was 18. Im 46 now, and newly out of a relationship (but we had a good run). I never actually tried to flirt with anyone. The only thing i really did is to listen well, make appropriate compliments and give my input. I don’t even look good, I’ve been a fat fuck since childhood and a nerd on top.
ameancow@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
The hardest message you will ever try to get someone to digest, particularly cis men, is that appearances are secondary in dating and relationships.
I have been using examples of how our minds reinterpret visual appearances and how subjective our whole world is for decades, and still most guys who are overexposed to dating forums and men’s communities will absolutely rage at the idea that it’s not their physique or jawline that will make someone attracted to them, but how they make someone else feel.
And right now, people I talk to in younger generations are pretty honest when they tell me that they have no idea how to make someone feel good around them, that the very idea terrifies them, and it varies from abject rejection of the notion to responses that it feels like “manipulation” to make someone comfortable around you… so is it any wonder people are basically giving up all over the world, and new relationships and sexual encounters are basically flatlining everywhere.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
I think starting flirting not expecting anything but practice is also valuable. I mostly flirt catch and release these days, and I think it’s best to understand that the goal is to learn to have fun with it. Even when married you should be flirtatious with your spouse, so learn to love it.
ameancow@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
100% this, you shouldn’t even have expectations, the term “flirting” shouldn’t be in your mental language, you should approach socializing in a different way instead of labeling interactions.
“That person is nice, fun and attractive, I want to say something that will make them feel good, because they deserve it” is a far better approach than “What magic words can I say that will make them horny for me.”
dazzlingclitgame@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
This is really key. It’s fun to spend an evening getting to know someone! And if that’s your only goal for a date - you’re probably going to have more of a good time than not.