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jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 3 days ago
I think the decline of organized religion and things like fraternal orders (Elks, Moose, Shriners, etc.) have probably contributed a lot to the loneliness epidemic. There are a lot of other extenuating factors but those two things were once foundational to social circles in the US.
It’s not loneliness, it’s rugged individualism! It’s not anti-union/anti-community propaganda to keep the masses weak; I mean have you seen union dues?! /s
But don’t worry, those same people who say shit like that are so desperate for community that they’ll never leave their hometown except for when their local far-right militia chapter goes out to harrass a protest or attack their country’s government for having a fair election.
All I’m hearing is that cure for male loneliness is a radical leftist militia
That, and, y'know, actually showing up for each other instead of relentlessly torturing other men for having the gall to express any emotions beyond the two approved ones, laughter and rage.
That seems less likely than mine
Only if you hang out at the park after practicing to have some beverages and shoot the shit
“OK, now let’s have some fun. Let’s talk about sex. Let’s talk about women. Freud said he didn’t know what women wanted. I know what women want. They want a whole lot of people to talk to. What do they want to talk about? They want to talk about everything.
What do men want? They want a lot of pals, and they wish people wouldn’t get so mad at them.
Why are so many people getting divorced today? It’s because most of us don’t have extended families anymore. It used to be that when a man and a woman got married, the bride got a lot more people to talk to about everything. The groom got a lot more pals to tell dumb jokes to.
A few Americans, but very few, still have extended families. The Navahos. The Kennedys.
But most of us, if we get married nowadays, are just one more person for the other person. The groom gets one more pal, but it’s a woman. The woman gets one more person to talk to about everything, but it’s a man.
When a couple has an argument, they may think it’s about money or power or sex, or how to raise the kids, or whatever. What they’re really saying to each other, though, without realizing it, is this: “You are not enough people!”
I met a man in Nigeria one time, an Ibo who has six hundred relatives he knew quite well. His wife had just had a baby, the best possible news in any extended family.
They were going to take it to meet all its relatives, Ibos of all ages and sizes and shapes. It would even meet other babies, cousins not much older than it was. Everybody who was big enough and steady enough was going to get to hold it, cuddle it, gurgle to it, and say how pretty it was, or handsome.
Wouldn’t you have loved to be that baby?”
― Kurt Vonnegut, God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian
I’ve found makerspaces to be a secular alternative. The makerspace has to specifically foster community, though. There’s quite a few that are just techbros with a clique that you ain’t in.
Covid also killed a lot of the social aspects of my makerspace, and it’s been hard to build it back.
I’ve found that there are often two bicycle scenes: gear nerd which is expensive, and the people who think it’s all the cooler that your ride is a fixed up junker or bought 2nd+ hand. The latter are a great source of cheap community, especially if you’re interested in volunteering fixing up bicycles
Yeah I tried that with a local makerspace and it didn’t work out for me, sadly. I wanted a sense of community, contact with likeminded people to do stuff together. They just offered lots of machinery to be used in solitude. It went like this: “So, you wanna 3d print something? Sure, just go to person X, they will show you how to operate the thing. You don’t know how all of this works? We have some resources on our discord to get you started.” Okayyyy
FWIW, the major makerspace in my area–or what was the major makerspace–was a lot like that. A couple of people didn’t like that and started a new one, with myself and my wife coming on board almost right away. It took a long time and I’m not sure our story can be easily replicated, but we’re now the bigger of the two in terms of space and membership size.
But like I said, Covid was a brick wall for our social aspects.
I think that it’s more that we’ve commoditized all aspects of community, and at the same time have stopped offering any sense of financial opportunities to young people.
Social groups are now built around expensive hobbies or membership subscriptions. There aren’t even really any free spaces for people to organize around. Even the alt right groups preying on lonely people are usually just trying to sell supplements or merch.
I dislike religion, but you’re not wrong. Interacting with one another putting on friendly faces and performing kindness and fellowship until for some it becomes real.
For all the fakery and frauds, without that dance it’s so much harder to find the people we really connect with.
As a Christian Anarchist, I often find myself lonely and without a third place as well, because of what churches have become.
Yeah, I still haven’t found a church that I felt I belonged in. I got close once, but they couldn’t pay skyrocketing rent hikes and got taken over by a larger, faker, church. One that was more about feel-good seminars and recruiting free labor volunteers than anything Jesus actually had to say.
Churches of old in the US used to be based. People of today wouldn’t recognize them. They helped the poor and were a third place and looked out for each other, they were also pro-union, and this became a huge “Problem” for capitalists, who saw Christians as annoying leftists who didn’t share their pathological obsession with money.
There was a VERY concerted and well documented conspiracy by the moneyed class to infiltrate and rot American Christianity into the often capitalist, Republican-talking-point drooling zombie it is today.
Highly recommend Behind the Bastards: How the Rich ate Christianity to see just how deep this goes.
The Church used to be a threat to these barons and tyrants and bigots, rather than their lapdogs.
scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech 3 days ago
Don’t forget that in the US we also have built our towns and cities to be isolating. Most don’t walk home from work, pop into their local bar/coffee shop/park to see their neighbors and then finish their walk home. We get in our car alone, drive home where then going out means getting back in a car, and stopping on the way home means figuring out drivers and parking and meetups.
We lost our third places and now we wonder why we don’t know our neighborhood as well