Comment on What's the easiest way to get hookups without seeing escorts?
daniskarma@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 days ago
Step 1: be attractive. Step 2: be attractive.
If you want quick heterosexual sex woth a woman without paying you’ll need to be attractive, that’s about it.
Now, if you were gay things would be easier.
Step 1: be funny, or witty, or share common interests, or kind, or have good hygiene
Source: am not very attractive, got very laid.
I guess I still do, since I’m married. But the requirements have changed slightly. Now it’s more about listening and helping and being emotionally available.
On bars and tinder?
Without being good locking you go nowhere nowadays. You don’t even get a chance to show how funny, witty, common interests you have, much less to show that you have a good hygiene, for that you need a date first. And you are not getting swiped right if you are not attractive.
That is good for other kind of relationships, meeting people in other places and flirting. That can get you laid, but not the same type of quick casual sex that op is asking for. That’s more of a “start a relationship” kind of deal.
For the kind of date that goes “let’s have a drink to figure that you are not a psychopath that’s going to kill me and then to my place to fuck”, you need to be attractive.
I like to be clear with this. Because there’s tons of very good young men, who are funny, have great hygiene, are witty, are nice. And they have to confront the reality that without being good locking they will have to assume that that kind of sex is most likely out of the table, and they better try to build other kind of relationships instead. i prefer that to gaslighting them into thinking they don’t get laid because they are terrible people on the inside or have terrible hygiene, when this is most likely not true. And when they are seeing truly terrible people getting laid regardless because they are good looking.
My advice is that if you are not good looking you have mostly two options, think about experimenting with gay sex (you might like it) or completely opt out the dating scene (specially dating apps) and just build into making friends and potential love partners. Without really expecting quick casual sex, as that will lead to huge frustrations.
and just build into making friends and potential love partners.
Oh, right. I should’ve led with that. Treating women like people, which is that you just described, is a prerequisite to getting laid.
What you described first is fuck-boy bar hookups. Yeah, you need to be attractive for that. But also no one really does that and you get STI going that route. I don’t recommend it.
Ok, assume OP fits both rules. Then what
Go on tinder or a music pub, whatever he prefers, and approach people that he finds attractive.
Go with respect and making things clear, to avoid issues. He would need a few tries but surely he would be able to find who finds him attractive and it’s down for some uncompromised sexy time.
Oh I meant without apps…
if you were gay things would be easier.
If you don’t have standards, maybe …
Gays looking for a hookup are some of the most superficial and demanding dating pool members. Dudes looking like the Penguin on Batman Returns will demand Adonis or infant looking twinks and nothing else. It’s very hard and very rare to find people actually willing to give a chance to non-hegemonic looking guys.
gay porn also pretty much ruined gay peoples expectation. its either twinks, daddies, buff guys, or abs,etc.
JadenSmith@sh.itjust.works 3 days ago
You also need to be a bit more socially aware.
I’ve had many people tell me I’m attractive, yet at the same time I turned down coffee because it was the evening and I was trying to watch my caffeine intake. During my late school years someone sat next to me as I was eating Lucky Charms with chocolate milk, and said she loves chocolate after sex. My reaction? “Oh, I can only imagine! I quite like the combination with the marshmallows, as they absorb some of the taste. You see…”
Just a couple examples, though honestly it would be nice to have some sort of guidebook on these things. I swear I’ve missed a million and a half opportunities, only to be woken up from my sleep a year later all “MOTHERFUCKER”.