Submitted 3 hours ago by binarybelle@lemmy.world to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
I met my wife twenty years ago, when I was 22 and she was 37. We had similar interests, liked each others personalities, and found each other attractive.
We also are friends with a couple with the same age gap, younger husband who’s the same age as my wife, and another couple with the same gap with the younger wife my age, all with stable, decades-long marriages. Compatible people are compatible; age just measures how long you’ve been on this rock.
we ended up booking up
This is why
A lot of the same reasons younger women often like older men. Maturity and stability is attractive, people often have sexual preferences for those who are older, those who are older often have money they can throw around (IE sugar daddies), and people often find the power imbalance attractive.
he needs to find someone he can grow with and build a proper future with
Does he? He’s 24 and in no hurry to do that imo.
Ive dated up a few times, its been fun. If you dont feel like letting him pursue him, thats fine, cut him off. If you enjoy his company, then why not have some fun? Be upfront with him and tell him you wont be in a relationship with him, that way he can maybe find some other woman later without you being an obstacle.
Could be many reasons. I can think of two.
Some prefer older women.
The reality for men is that you approach a dozen or two women and you still don’t know what time of day it is.
He is 24. He is not in a rush to think about the future yet.
Because you’re not as likely to play games with him, the way younger girls might. Emotional maturity is a very attractive thing, if you’re looking for something stable that doesn’t include a lot of unnecessary drama. It’s hard to find that when you’re in your 20’s.
Most girls you get together with at that age, haven’t even figured out what they want yet. You might get attached, just in time for her to decide she needs something you don’t have. By the time you’re in your 40’s, you pretty much know what you want and what you don’t. There’s a lot less confusion and guesswork going on…and that can be very reassuring.
In the end, it really depends on what you want from him, though. If he makes you happy, fuckin’ go for it. At the very least, you have some fun. Don’t deny yourself the opportunity, just because of his age. There are plenty of real red flags to look out for, without also adding arbitrary rules to the list.
Add they say, the heart wants what it wants
en.wikipedia.org/…/Advice_to_a_Friend_on_Choosing…
More seriously, some people just like older people better. Their interests or personality may make it harder to jibe with people in their own age group, but mesh well with people in another age group. Sometimes they’re ahead of the curve on mental maturity and their peers won’t catch up for a few more years, sometimes they just think they’re more mature than they really are, and sometimes they really would have fit in better if they had been born a couple decades earlier.
Personally, when I was younger, I had a hard time relating to anyone around my age and generally fit in better in conversations with people my parents’ age. As a preteen in the early 2000s, I was reading things like Dune, watching things like Blade Runner, and my music tastes included the Rat Pack. The things the adults talked about were just more my speed. This got to be less and less of a problem as I got older and my current friend group is actually a few years younger than me on average, though I do still have the occasional ‘faux old man’ moments with them.
Why not? Other than the hypothetical possibility that he might want to start a family, what’s the problem?
My brother did that and I’m not saying it’s mommy issues in your case but in my brothers case he liked having a sugar mommy that was good in bed. They split after 15 years when he found a younger richer woman to mooch off of.
People just like what they like
My woman likes me, I’m a little bit older than her
She just has a thing for older guys (it’s less than than ten years between us, for context)
Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 hours ago
Or maybe you can let him decide what he wants? Don’t lead him on, but if he decides something, why would you try to tell him his decision is wrong?
laughing_hard@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
Just assumptions here, but it might also be a bit of self protection.
Yes, now he wants to be with her, but 24 and 42 are very different points in life. At 24 you have ambitions, at 42 you are settled.
So if OP lets it unfold and they have a relationship there will always be the question of how long it will last until those generational differences might collide.
Now of course you never have any safety that a relationship will last, but with this age gap it is more likely that at some point there will be insurmountable differences.
Maybe they even expect very different things from a relationship.
Again many assumptions, but maybe something to think about.
Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 hour ago
At 42 you don’t have ambitions anymore :(