[deleted]
You don’t, it’s a leap of faith.
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Submitted 9 hours ago by waltzingintherain@sopuli.xyz to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Comments
NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
“What you can offer” certainly includes the fruits/expressions of your personality, so I assume you mean either your money (if you’re a dude) or your body (if you’re a lady). The usual way has always been to interact thoroughly with the other person without giving much/any of these things and seeing where things are in some weeks/months time. “Making him wait”, like grandma said. Some people are good liars and plan long-term but, except for these sociopaths, this method usually works.
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
Dang. Now you got me wondering.
Why do we like anyone? And is our entire concept of a true friend only based on which qualities society has deemed shallow vs sincere?
Am I just using my friends for their interesting conversation, witty jokes, and ability to play video games with me? If it wasn’t for any of those qualities, would I even want to hang out with them?
skullgiver@popplesburger.hilciferous.nl 7 hours ago
I don’t think the science is out on that. For instance, your capacity to fall in love with someone is influenced by their smell as it contains information about their immune system (and, by extent, their immunological compatibility with yours).
Most humans have a need for companionship. It’s the reason solitary confinement is considered torture in most cases. Our brains and bodies are rigged to prefer companionship over being alone most of the time. Put a human alone in a room with a plastic ball with a face drawn on it for long enough, and that plastic ball will be given a name, a personality, and that human will get upset if you dare “hurt” the plastic ball. In a much more dystopian twist on that experiment, people have started “befriending” LLMs now that they’ve grown to have the ability to remember a couple hundred keywords about your user account. The human mind craves being around others.
However, I don’t think whether you like someone or not is purely a function of what they provide for you. You can enjoy the presence of your friends even if you’re sitting in a room silently scrolling on your phone, or watching a TV show.
Their opinions and behaviour towards others definitely also matters. Shared experiences also factor into this stuff somewhere; someone you would normally detest who might’ve been with you through bad times/some traumatic event might end up becoming a friend. Years and years of positive experiences can also make you find excuses for things you would reject in others (which is why even the worst people can have their families and friends protect them). Your friends may have turned into terrible people over the years, and you will find ways to defend their behaviour to yourself and others just because they’re your friends. Similarly, someone you know well might do something terrible out of the blue, and you will recognise that as an outlier event (mental health crisis? sign of illness?) rather than distancing yourself from them like they’re some weirdo in the street.
Maybe ask yourself this: if your friends got hit by a car tomorrow, and suddenly lost their ability to hold an interesting conversation, make witty jokes, or play video games with you, would you stop caring about them? If not, then there’s clearly more to your relationship with them than the basic experiences they can provide.
ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
Using? Human beings are social animals, just bringing your natural ‘good vibes’ is enough for most people to feel they’ve been ‘repaid’, lol. And you probably wouldn’t but that just means that the world is a big place and that people have different interests. You wouldn’t hang out with someone into sports, perhaps, but it doesn’t mean they cannot be good people, right? Deeper connections just require more commonalities, of course.
I didn’t understand the first part but depth/shallowness are ‘hard labels’ for something that exists as a spectrum, but it’s a real one, not just one dependant on ‘society’. Well, I think, at least.
foggy@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
If you wanna know look into optimal self distinctiveness. Its a framework in group social psychology that seeka to explain why we might be slightly different versions of ourselves within different groups, and what this says about an individuals need for ‘fitting in’ can do to modify their behaviors or preferences.
peteyestee@feddit.org 7 hours ago
It kind of sounds like you need a purpose for your life and you just kind of floating or existing.
This is all easier said than done, but sometimes you need to be alone and to learn who you really are and your authentic purpose. Most people just escape reality through pop cultures and never know who they really are, they just know the life path marketing and social trends led them down.
razorcandy@discuss.tchncs.de 7 hours ago
Observe how they treat people who they don’t benefit from in financial, sexual, or other material ways. Don’t rush to be too generous with them.
peteyestee@feddit.org 7 hours ago
The never try to control you or manipulate you.
Zeppo@sh.itjust.works 8 hours ago
Observe their interactions with other people and what their motivations seem to be. For instance, I have a friend who likes hanging out with people who are entertaining, but if it’s someone who has something additional to offer him - people who stream and have a larger audience, women, people who might donate to him - he seems particularly excited even when there’s nothing about their personality that would seem to lead to that. So, does he like me for me? Probably because I don’t have a lot to offer him. But does he really like this one streamer with 50x as many subs as he has? Probably just because he wants to use them to boost his own profile.
Nemo@slrpnk.net 8 hours ago
What distinction are you making, here? Everybody seems, to me, to be a black box that only relates to others through their inputs and outputs. How else can I like someone, if not by what they put into the world?
Flickerby@lemm.ee 5 hours ago
When you lose “what you can offer” and they still stick by you. Which you won’t know until it happens so it’s pretty much a crapshoot. Listen to your heart but your cold hard unforgiving brain should feature in the conversation as well.
Uff@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
They are a man
floo@retrolemmy.com 7 hours ago
Because I have nothing to offer