Comment on As an asexual girl who still wants a male partner, would “scheduled sex” be a dealbreaker for men?
FridaySteve@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
You’d have to also find a man who is only interested in sex to “get his needs met” which is much more rare than Hollywood leads people to believe.
luminelle_rose@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
Huh. Didn’t even think of this. My asexuality is probably affecting my perception of sex in general. In my mind that’s how I think men see sex.
ALoafOfBread@lemmy.ml 1 hour ago
My wife is on the ace spectrum. She enjoys sex, but only experiences reactive sexual desire (i.e. she’ll get in the mood once sex is basically already happening). Effectively she does not experience sexual desire in the way people typically mean that.
That’s been a struggle for us. We don’t do scheduled sex, but it’s something we’ve considered. Even though we have very good (if infrequent) sex, the frequency isn’t the thing that’s hard for me to deal with. The hardest thing is not feeling desired in ways I am used to in relationships. That has made me feel insecure and just overall is not great. But it’s something we’ve had to work through.
So all that goes to say: yes, if you find the right person you’ll be able to make it work. The key, in my opinion, is talking about it and being very clear about how you’re wired and that it isn’t anything wrong with them.
iii@mander.xyz 2 hours ago
Men are people too
Darkcoffee@sh.itjust.works 2 hours ago
As a man… Sometimes I question this lol
shittydwarf@piefed.social 1 hour ago
Some men are people too…?
MolochAlter@lemmy.world 26 minutes ago
It’s definitely affecting it, yes.
For most people being sexually desired and knowing they are is a very important part of a relationship.
FridaySteve@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
In the early 90s in sex ed they told us all, as a group, that men are only looking for sex to get a load off and women are nothing but submissive cum dumpsters except and of course obviously your life partner who you submit to on your wedding night and stay with forever. Literally we were taught this in public school. It’s no wonder people view sex and gender the way you do. Nowadays thankfully we view both sex and gender as individual.
To respond to your original idea, it sounds like a compromise. When you find the right person (and there’s someone for everybody) you won’t have compromise on that core, basic level. That’s what sexual compatibility is.
protist@mander.xyz 2 hours ago
Dude. You had a very different class than I did, and I grew up in the South…
AsoFiafia@lemmy.zip 1 hour ago
Agreed. Although, I was taught that the reason our privates had darker skin was because it was bruised from constant fapping. “If y’all would just leave them wieners and cooters alone they’d look damn normal!”
I didn’t pull it for almost a month and a half and after no change I decided she was wrong. LOL
PP_BOY_@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
What do you mean, you never got the “women are nothing but submissive cum dumpsters” talk?
Nollij@sopuli.xyz 58 minutes ago
You’re getting downvoted, but I experienced much of the same. So much misogyny and, looking back on it, toxic masculinity. I vividly remember the bit where they used tape to illustrate “purity” of not having multiple partners.
This would’ve been the late 90s, US Midwest.
stinerman@midwest.social 20 minutes ago
Also late 90s Midwest here and I got similar information. We also got completely untrue info like if you jizz in a hot tub and a girl gets in she can get pregnant because the sperm will swim into her vagina and from long distances away.