Comment on Has this ever happened to you?
Blueberrydreamer@lemmynsfw.com 3 weeks agoWhy should they trust some random dude they met on a dating app?
You act like that’s some crazy fear, but it happens all the fucking time.
If you’re that dismissive of other people’s concerns, maybe you shouldn’t be online dating at all.
Why should they trust some random dude they met on a dating app?
no one says they have to, but they probably shouldn’t, i dunno, go out on a date with them if they can’t.
You act like that’s some crazy fear, but it happens all the fucking time.
call it a crazy thought, but if i were premeditating sexual assault, i probably wouldn’t choose someone who has my name, photos, phone number, and a history of correspondence to show motive. lol
Do you all have a different idea of what a date is than me or something? The point is to get to know someone you don’t know yet. I guess if you were communicating for weeks beforehand this might seem weird, but that’s making some big assumptions. You’re acting like this woman has requested her friend accompany her for every moment of their ongoing relationship. It’s wild to me to get so insecure about someone not fully trusting you this first time you meet. Trust is built over time, and it’s not a slight against you if someone wants to protect themselves.
call it a crazy thought, but if i were premeditating sexual assault, i probably wouldn’t choose someone who has my name, photos, phone number, and a history of correspondence to show motive. lol
And yet, a casual examination of history shows that it happens all the time. And more often than not, charges never get brought up.
Now certainly the perceived frequency is far higher than the actual likelihood, but I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to roll those dice.
Do you all have a different idea of what a date is than me or something? The point is to get to know someone you don’t know yet.
it’s 2025 and the typical use case when you meet someone on an app is to chat online, maybe do some video calls for a week+ to establish rapport and vet one another. by the time you meet up you should have some amount of chemistry and a feel for each other’s values.
if you don’t, the hinged thing to do is to not go out until you do. not to bring a third wheel lol.
but I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to roll those dice.
apt metaphor considering it’s a stupid fucking game to play. surely you can’t blame anyone for choosing not to play it.
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Why should he trust her?
You’re coming from a place of internalized misandry and fear.
axexrx@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Tbf you don’t have to think all men are rapists to be careful, just that at least one is, and that you dont necessarily know how to spot one.
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
A person who chooses to take a minority of experiences and lets it influence all other experiences has internal work to do.
The moment you try to make that someone elses problem, then you aren’t engaging with your biases, and that’s not a sign of a healthy and mature person, the type of person a lot of people want relationships with.
Blueberrydreamer@lemmynsfw.com 3 weeks ago
He shouldn’t, and the fact that that idea doesn’t even cross most men’s minds is an enormous privilege.
I don’t know about you, but I generally take a little time getting to know someone before I decide to trust them. Why on earth would you not?
What you don’t seem to consider is the risk involved. When the consequence of misplaced trust is potentially rape or death, a small amount of caution is plainly warranted.
Nobody is out here assuming all men are rapists, that question is as irrelevant as it is idiotic. The point is that any man could be a rapist, and those odds sure as hell aren’t small enough to just roll the dice on some rando you’ve never met.
It’s easier for us (I’m assuming you’re male too). I don’t really have to care. The worst consequence we can reasonably expect is what? A too attached girl who won’t leave you alone? When was the last time you went on a date with someone who could physically restrain you? It’s not the fucking same, no matter how much you want to pretend it is.
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
There is no risk involved with going to a public place for a date.
At least no reasonable risk.
If you develop a phobia of men that is so bad that it prevents you from interfering with men then that is YOU problem and you need to work that out.
Blueberrydreamer@lemmynsfw.com 3 weeks ago
Sorry, but you’re coming from a place of ignorance here, but I do get it. I used to feel that way, but I’ve known too many women in my life who’ve experienced assaults in public places to pretend it’s not a real issue. I’ve been roofied in public myself (wrong target, presumably) and have the privilege of only really having to worry about some scrapes and bruises. But the holes in my memory and understanding that that night could have easily gone far, far worse if I had been someone’s target is something that will always stay with me.
This is stupid bullshit. Nobody has suggested anything like this and bad faith nonsense wastes everyone’s time. Grow up. It’s obvious you’re taking this woman’s caution as some kind of personal slight. It’s not, and you should really examine where those feelings are coming from.
commie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
misandry doesn’t real
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Lazy troll
commie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
calling me names doesn’t make misandry real