How do you warn people about a potential dating candidate being dangerous without doxxing the potential dating candidate? “Hey, watch out for [anonymous person]” doesn’t sound very useful.
Comment on Women’s ‘red flag’ app Tea is a privacy nightmare
Nima@leminal.space 4 days agoit seems its an app that helps women flag potential dating candidates as being dangerous or red flags.
there is the potential for doxxing that comes with that, but I can absolutely understand its use and need when not abused in that manner.
i wonder if there’s the potential for a different app with more encryption and a way to prevent doxxing and abuse.
grue@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Nima@leminal.space 4 days ago
…you know? that’s a fair point. I’m not sure how it would work. but it would be nice to know some stuff if its important.
Velypso@sh.itjust.works 3 days ago
Hey Nima, I heard you’re a child molester.
Good luck proving you’re not.
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 3 days ago
I have the solution. Nobody’s gonna like it, everybody here is gonna scream at me about it, but I have the solution.
Stop dating strangers on the internet.
The entire personals site/dating app experiment we’ve been running for the last quarter century is obviously a categorical failure. Humans just don’t work like this.
Things have gotten so much worse since I was in high school. When I was in high school, the community of girls available to me to ask out were pretty much all girls I’d known since we were 5. A lot of them, I didn’t have to wonder about their character, their intentions, their capacity to do harm, I was there when all that was written. I remember how much of a bully Chelsea was in middle school, I remember how nice Ashley was to everyone, I remember how Justine seemed weirdly infatuated with me in the 4th grade. They’d all remember stuff about me and the other boys. We graduated high school, I never saw 80% of them ever again, and within 5 years that figure climbed to at least 95%. Four years of college with mostly abject strangers who you’re weirdly fast to form and break deceptively deep bonds with, all of whom I’ve also lost track of, and then the adult world in which everyone including you is an NPC.
I happen to be the exact age where, I got out of college in 2007, I disappeared into work, like I went to the airport and I went home for two years. In 2009, I looked back up and everything had CHANGED. Instant messaging was on smart phones now, and you WERE NOT TO approach women in person, only through phone-based dating apps and you had BETTER FUCKING NOT already be acquainted.
Don’t talk to women at the grocery store. Don’t talk to women at the gym. Don’t talk to women at the library. Don’t talk to women at your work. Don’t talk to women at their work. Don’t talk to women at the coffee shop. Don’t talk to women at the bar. Don’t talk to women at the club. Don’t talk to women. No woman, only app.
How do you meet more women? Oh that’s categorically the wrong question because having the goal of meeting women in the first place is creepy. Stop wanting to meet women and instead organically decide you want to do things that women happen to like, and then accidentally meet women in the course of doing those things. You know, at those meetups that are always happening on a recurring basis, that aren’t advertised to happen at a place and time and then no one shows up and the listing is never re-posted. Probably just install more apps.
It’s been women driving this, men vastly prefer asking women out from within their social circle. The pressure to make the first move is still on men, and he’d rather ask out women he already thinks he might like. Women on the other hand vastly prefer to be cold approached by a charming stranger.
I think it’s gone far enough when we’ve got women saying dumb shit like “Systematically doxxing and libeling men is a risk we’re just going to have to take.”
Nima@leminal.space 3 days ago
Good lord, please tell me you did not just use ted bundy to describe what you think women like in men?
also did you just lore dump to a complete stranger? we’re having a casual conversation.
i never said anything as insane as “Systematically doxxing and libeling men is a risk we’re just going to have to take”. i said doxxing should be avoided, if you’d read any of my comments.
who is this long winded comment for, exactly?
0x0@lemmy.zip 3 days ago
i wonder if there’s the potential for a different app with more encryption and a way to prevent doxxing and abuse.
Encryption, sure.
Preventing doxxing? I highly doubt it. But hey, it’s women doing it so it’s ok and anyone who criticizes that is an incel.Nima@leminal.space 3 days ago
wha? i didn’t say anything about incels. or that doxxing is ok.
echodot@feddit.uk 3 days ago
i wonder if there’s the potential for a different app with more encryption and a way to prevent doxxing and abuse.
You would have to have everyone take a polygraph or something (not that they actually work but a lot of people don’t know that so maybe it would prevent them from lying in the first place). There’s no way to prevent people from lying for whatever reason they have and there’s no way to detect whether or not the thing they have posted is truthful.
The truth is as much benefit as the app may have when used properly the risk of abuse is far too high for it to ever be workable.
If you have a smoke alarm in your house that occasionally explodes and sets your house on fire, but the rest of the time actually works as a fire alarm, then it’s not a useful product, as even if the chance of it exploding was less than 1% it would still eventually blow up your house, whereas if you never installed the alarm there was every possibility your house will never catch fire. So game theory suggests that you are better off without it.
Same with this app, sure it might prevent you experiencing a bad date but there’s every possibility that it will also cause you not to date somebody who’s actually a nice person. You are far better off just making that judgement yourself as you always did. And to be clear given human nature, the likelihood of the “fire alarm exploding” is probably a lot higher than 1%
Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works 4 days ago
There’s definitely a use case, but there’s an inherent power imbalance to these products that makes sure they will always be misused. The submitters are anonymous, and it’s up to the person being reported on to prove the accusations are false.
Or, they’re supposed to be anonymous.
0x0@lemmy.zip 3 days ago
The person doesn’t even know they’re mentioned in the app.
Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works 3 days ago
Which is even worse, because unless someone tells them, they’re blissfully unaware.
With most forms of Libel, at least the victim will see it in a timely manner.