Lotta folks on both sides of this conversation who have never been in a long-term relationship.
Comment on do you think freewill truly exists?
wpb@lemmy.world 1 month ago
“Such weather we’re having huh?”
Truly peak romance
ameancow@lemmy.world 1 month ago
ameancow@lemmy.world 1 month ago
The current state of society is: “Ugh I can’t believe this cashier is talking about the weather when I’m in a hurry to get back on the internet to complain about how lonely I am and how hard it is to make friends and date.”
wpb@lemmy.world 1 month ago
You’re probably joking, but know that there’s a subset of us that gets pathologically anxious and confused by small talk. Autistic people for example. Different folks, different strokes. Not everyone deals well with talking about the weather, and that’s ok. There’s billions who do deal well with it, and that’s ok too! Be a mensch and talk to them instead.
ameancow@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Oh I get it, I understand better than most, it’s why I make a pest of myself in these posts about the benefits of just talking to people.
It’s fine if you don’t like talking to strangers or making eye contact if you’re fine with your present social life. I am usually ragging on people about this because we’re also having some pretty serious issues with loneliness right now. And you don’t get from lonely to less-lonely by avoiding the things that make you uncomfortable.
I was non-verbal for a period as a child, deeply introverted, only recently diagnosed as on the spectrum though, particularly because when I was a child there was no real understanding of autism, so when taken to a doctor they just X-rayed my brain. I learned to adapt/mask but it took a long time for me to push through social discomfort and I also thought myself like many of the people in these posts who seem absolutely spiteful against people who try to strike up conversations with strangers. Again, it’s understandable if talking is uncomfortable for people, particularly if they are on the spectrum, but we need to understand that social avoidance is an obstacle to overcome, not an identity to cherish.
Pushing through discomfort talking to people and actively making an effort to be open, to go ahead and babble nonsense, to stop being afraid of bothering people with my own autistic spiels or niche bullshit, I actually started to “get it” and understand how the game is played and from there only had strings of successes both personally and professionally. Meteoric at times.
It still took some effort, but took me until middle-age to unlock this skill-tree to even start trying to work on it, and I strongly feel like I could have had a much, much better life if I made that effort sooner, and if even one other person reading this sighs and says “Okay I’ll try speaking up at the next meeting” then I’ve done some good because I know their lives will improve if they stick to it.
wpb@lemmy.world 1 month ago
It’s great that it worked out for you, and I’m happy for you, but we don’t need to force everyone to fit the same mould.
Zenith@lemm.ee 1 month ago
But at least it’s a conversation you can work with “oh yeah it’s so nice we should go do X” or “yeah it’s crazy out there, we should stay in and watch a movie and snuggle” the point of small talk is to open avenues of conversation… I think people just don’t know how to have conversations anymore and chalk it up to “not liking small talk”
krashmo@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I think it’s more about your expectation from interactions with strangers. I will tolerate a ton of weather talk from my wife but if the guy taking my order at 5 Guys tries the same thing it’s not going to be as well received.
tired_n_bored@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Why? I like when strangers try to talk to me honestly
krashmo@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I think I like it more than most but not just to hear words out loud. If you have a story about the weather impacting your day that’s much more interesting than just commenting on it in general.
lunarul@lemmy.world 1 month ago
That’s not small talk, that’s planning what to do today. You can open the same conversation with “hey, what do you want to do today?”
Jimmycakes@lemmy.world 1 month ago
And how will you plan anything if you don’t know the weather genius???
ameancow@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Most people who “hate small talk” in posts like this have either very specific ideas in their mind of what it means, such as annoying coworkers who talk about quilting or baseball loudly in the next cubicle, or are deeply sour, lonely, cynical shits who think they’re god’s gift to intellectualism and have never had a girlfriend in their life.
dragonfucker@lemmy.nz 1 month ago
If you’re married to someone, all avenues of conversation should be open the minute you’ve both said hi. If you need to talk about the weather before you decide what to get for dinner, with your spouse, then your marriage is a failure.
ameancow@lemmy.world 1 month ago
People will also say something stupid about the weather or news or whatever just because they want to express to you that they’re friendly and open to converse. Ignoring “small talk” from a stranger is like actively rejecting someone’s desire to connect.
Which is fine, if you’re as antisocial and spiteful against “casual life” like everyone in this post is pretending to be and you love it and you’re happy, that’s great. Say “just put it in the bag” and get out of there.
The problem is most of these people who act like people talking about “last night’s game” are NPC’s in the Matrix and they would NEVER stoop to the level of talking about sports or weather… are the same people who will race home to post their manifestos about how lonely they are and how society is crumbling and how they wish they lived somewhere walkable with community and how hard dating is.
Our cognitive dissonance as a species is maxing out.