Submitted 1 week ago by IonTempted@lemmynsfw.com to nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Coming from someone who is “childfree” and in my line of work sometimes maybe most of the times, I think I see dads that maybe shouldn’t have been.
I get that I’m harsh, and I can’t tell from one example obviously but I feel sometimes there’s social pressure to have kids.
So for you, What makes you a father figure.
Having kids makes drives the father figure template. It fuckin changes people. You might think someone shouldnt be a dad after them already being balls deep in kids but that same person before they had kids was so much less fatherly than the person you see today. No even saying for the better or worse or whatever. I just know from seeing it happen to most of my 50+ 1st cousins and 1st cousins once removed (kids of 1st cousins). Kids will not stop even when you are tapping out begging for mercy bargaining away anything you can to get them to just…chill. But they dont fuckin care. They do not have the capability of caring. So they do not fuckin stop. And im not saying adhd bouncing off the walls, im just saying at baby age it could be a touth coming in or ear aches and BAM father figure of the year has slept 3 hours in 3 days. Toddler… yeah ok even the best behaved toddler is still a walking talking monster with no concept of what will and will not hurt them. Then the kids only get smarter and more devious and more willing to challenge you when you are being fatherly.
There is nothing in the world that can mimic the toll being an actual father does to a person. The most fatherly father figures I can picture are the men who have made it to the finish li e that is grandkids. Its the best part of having kids.
But thats just my empirical 2 cents from growing up in a large family and made it past the ages of worrying I might become a father someday lol.
You are asking an odd question.
A father figure is anyone who acts as a paternal role model for a child. Unfortunately there is no requirement for that role model to be positive. Nor is there an age requirement. For many their father figure was a total piece of shit and not even and adult.
Also there is no requirement for a father figure to even try to be one. They just happen to be the person the child used a role model.
There are many examples of fatherless children who use male figures in their life as examples of how to act as a many.
The body of your posts suggests you are looking for a definition of being a quality father.
I am a dad to two young kids. I know other guys my age that are recent dads and some of them do seem to struggle to adjust. I hear about their wives complaining about how they are consistently golfing or still going out a lot.
Another commenter here mentioned that having kids changes you and I 100% agree with that. I don’t drink now, I drive like an old man in the name of safety, I spend almost every night at home with my kids and I take them out on the weekends, I cut my hours at work so I can help my wife more often, I don’t watch sports because my kids won’t sit still long enough to watch a game and want to play. My life now is about these kids. I used to think that people that based their lives solely around their kids had no life, but now that I have these kids I appreciate the sacrifices you make to be a parent. All of these changes I realize are better for me too.
You can talk about philosophically about how to raise kids, but I think the number one quality of a good parent is being present for your kids and being willing to adjust your life to what they need. Growing up the number one thing I noticed about kids that had bad relationships with their parents was their parents not bring around, whether it be work or whatever else.
kmartburrito@lemmy.world 1 week ago
I’m sure this is not an exhaustive answer, but a father figure (to me) is someone who helps teach someone young the right and wrong way to do things, being there as a safe space for people to ask questions, and being able to divorce the idea of roughness or harshness that comes with being a man in general when someone needs you to comfort, console, or show them support and love.
A father figure is “always in your corner” and is always there to challenge you and cheer you on.
It carries with you a skill of being able to talk someone off a proverbial ledge - when your kid feels like it’s the end of the world when they failed or got embarrassed or rejected, illustrating for them that life will carry on and “this too, shall pass”.
I think all of this is wrapped up into a “father figure”. The sad thing is that father figures need love too, and being a father without one of your own can be a very lonely place to live.
To be clear though, you don’t have to be a father to be a father figure - however some of what molds a father into this role are the many situations we get thrust into it early on when you have kids as you shepherd them through life. You could certainly do the same thing by volunteering or doing Big Brother, etc.
My two cents anyway!
There are definitely deadbeat dads also that shouldn’t be, to your point. It’s super easy to father a child but not so much to be a good dad - it takes a lot of work and sacrifice to do it well.