So in high school, I had to drop out my senior year. Rumors get around and I was at one of my best buddies’ birthday party. I’m talking to my ex gf and she’s really down. More than I can reasonably understand. I start prying. She eventually tells me that she used to date someone who looked like me but not also like a skeleton and he just died and talking to me was really harshing her buzz. I gave her the old Forrest Whittaker eye™ and asked her what she thought my name was.

She spent the next ten minutes excitedly dashing around the party telling everyone and anyone that I was alive, so her shock seemed genuine. I should have asked her how she thought I died.