I’ll agree with this. There are Midwestern “politeness” rules that defy communication.
For example, if you’re visiting a Midwesterner, they will offer you something, but it’s rude to take them up on it unless they insist 3 times. The exception to the rule being “I’m grabbing a ___, you want one?”
This doesn’t really defy the video though, as the Midwest is more homogenous than the coastal US.
andrewta@lemmy.world 21 hours ago
Never heard of the concept of the have to offer three times. I’ve lived in Minnesota my entire life. I’ve never heard of this.
Nemo@slrpnk.net 21 hours ago
They’re right about the “I’m grabbing a ___, do you want one?” though.
Contrast with “I suppose I could grab a ___ for you next time I go to town” to which the correct response is “Oh, no, I wouldn’t want to put you to the trouble, I’m going into town soon myself anyway” because they’re not actually offering to do it, just trying to feel out how important it is to you.
andrewta@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
That contrast part where somebody says they’re going to town and they could grab one for you, and then supposedly you’re supposed to say no that’s OK.
I’ve literally never heard that. I’m over 50 years old. I’ve never heard of that statement. If somebody offered to do something nice for you and you can use the item. Why are you saying no? Say thank you. Tell them make sure you grab the receipts that way I can get you the money or give them the money in advance.
I’ve never heard of this concept of oh no that’s OK. Don’t put yourself out. Why are you doing that? What now you have to drive into town and spend your money when they were already in town? This makes no sense. Make sure you pay them and probably toss them a little extra cash for having made the trip and the effort.
Why would you say no? Again I’ve never heard of this concept.
What state do you live in?
Nemo@slrpnk.net 12 hours ago
I grew up where Iowa, Minnesota, and South Dakota cone together.
The thing is, they’re not really offering to do your errand for you. They’re noting that they could and asking if you want them to. And if you genuinely need it, you can then ask them to, but, and this is crucial, there’s a cost. They’ll be doing you a favor, and you will need to act like it, ideally by both apologizing for the trouble and repaying the favor at a later date.
It comes back to the idea of not asking people to do something unless you’re reasonably sure they’ll say yes. You can do this either by making gambits like the ones above to try to assess their preferences (polite) or by applying pressure (pushy). Because the only thing more rude than saying no to a request is putting someone else in a position where they have to say no to yours.
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
The “three times” was an arbitrary number I made up. I don’t think there’s actually a defined number, but you ALWAYS decline the first offer.
andrewta@lemmy.world 19 hours ago
I’ve never even heard of declining the first one.
I was raised if you offer something to someone and they say no. Then the answer is no. Don’t bug them.