To be fair to him, his first response was just that he wasn’t paying for her. Her reply to that was about how she invited her for protection but she did not say anything about how they didn’t expect him to pay.
Comment on Has this ever happened to you?
SuluBeddu@feddit.it 3 weeks agoDude showed he’s annoyed seeing girl seeks protection, by calling the friend RoboCop, and implied she might have wanted him to pay for both, putting carriage before horses.
What you say literally can often show what you think inside, and in a first date scenario every sign will be interpreted
For example, not showing much respect for the female need for protection on a first date can mean dude doesn’t think women have reason to feel unsafe
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 3 weeks ago
SuluBeddu@feddit.it 3 weeks ago
I see… Yeah I’m pretty sure that in such a case, where I’m expected to pay, not even asked to, I would definitely cancel, be it one or two people… This is so uncommon in m6 experience that I didn’t even think that could be a case
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 3 weeks ago
Yeah, this definitely gives made up ragebait vibes. I was just commenting based off the content.
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 3 weeks ago
They’re having a date in a public restaurant, she doesn’t need “protection.” She can have her friend call mid-date to offer a bail-out excuse, like everyone else does.
The only reason for her friend to be present is to scam a free meal and a bunch of expensive drinks. These girls are predators, get a real date. There are plenty of women who would love to go out to dinner on a real date, not just to scam a free dinner and drinks from some chump.
SuluBeddu@feddit.it 3 weeks ago
Yeah… you see, exactly because people who think like you exist, women have to look for clues right away that they are not going to date a misogynist…
Women need protection when meeting with strangers, basically all women have life experience that make them feel they need it. I’m sure you as a guy are able to take no for an answer, but your date doesn’t know that yet, and it takes just one guy who doesn’t to ruin a woman’s dating experience and possibly her health and safety.
I do know women who don’t feel that need, but that’s mostly because they are ignoring their own and their friends’ past experiences. It’s their choice ofc, but it’s universally accepted among women that it’s not a strange thing to do, in fact is the safest thing to do.
If some women then abuse that need to try to freeride, it’s another discussion, and as a guy I would simply drop the date if I were in that situation. But the need exists, it is valid, and not validating this need to your date will raise a red flag.
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 3 weeks ago
If some women then abuse that need to try to freeride, it’s another discussion,
No, it’s not “another discussion,” it’s the very discussion that OP wanted to have when he wrote his post.
Everybody wants to talk about women looking for “Red Flags,” and I don’t blame that at all for doing that, but men have just as much right to look for Red Flags as well. They may not be the same Red Flags, women obviously have more safety concerns (justifiably), but men have to watch out for women whose only interest in dating them is to financially exploit them, which is a far more common occurrence than a sexual assault.
We all have the right to refuse to be exploited. She can insist on bringing a chaperone, but he shouldn’t be expected to pay for her, and if that’s a deal-breaker, than it becomes pretty clear that they were only interested in taking advantage of him.
SuluBeddu@feddit.it 3 weeks ago
I just really have to say that in my experience and for what friends have told, that is simply not a realistic concern in my mind
As for it being “more common” than abuse, I just have your word for it. And I simply don’t believe it. Because female friends talking about sexual abuse is something both more taboo and more frequently happened to me, than male friends telling me they had to jump a date because the girl was a gold digger.
Hence our difference of views on this
Ofc my suggestion is not to date people until you know them a bit, if that’s so common in your life.
Rakonat@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Your read of the situation is pretty tilted, ngl.
He said he’s not paying for her, the implication is they are going out to eat for a date. Not chilling at home or somewhere in private. Bestie can chill somewhere else other than at the table the date is happening at, if homegirl feels threatened or scared of the guy she can signal for bestie.
I can totally understand wanting a trusted friend around to ensure a date goes fine, hell ive done it several times for girls and guys I’m friends with. But that safety net can stay in the background and doesn’t need to be at the table interfering with the date. But never once did I expect the friend I was wingmanning for to buy me food or drink while I hovered in the background. All homegirl had to say is bestie is paying their own way or homegirl was gonna give her some money.
SuluBeddu@feddit.it 3 weeks ago
Mh is he not showing he’s annoyed by her friend tagging along? And why bringing money up?
I mean, if it were happening to me, where I live, I wouldn’t even think she was going to expect me to pay not even for herself, and if she ends up expecting or pressuring me, I just know she’s not the one. What’s there to be scared of? Worst case scenario I just leave my part on the table and go away
I know of memes about women going to first fates just to have nights out without paying, but it’s very far from what I see happening where I live, and I suspect it’s just manophase echo chamberism. Because, again, one can just put their part on the table and leave, and perhaps date within one’s social circle so to avoid this kind of social distortion